Aerial Artwork Mystery Solved...

Is the mystery of the artwork to Kate Bush's album Aerial perhaps solved? Why according to the sleeve notes it's the soundwave of blackbird song. Makes sense. But will she be number 1 this week?

Fancy Address Party...

Paul and Hendrick's Hallowe'en fancy dress party on Saturday night in London glitzy West End was a-maz-ing. The invite had said 'dress scary' but that didn't begin to describe the lengths people had gone to. There were devils, horror and gore aplenty. The place was a completely huge fuck-off apartment on two floors that looked like a film set - all behind a giant clock face that was transparent looking out onto Northumberland Avenue. As I say there were loads of boys and girls in really cool costumes consisting of about 60/40 gay/straight. At one point the cast of Chicago turned up (who seemed to take a shine to me in my Caligula outfit for some reason.) The party got a bit fruity later on but I managed to steer clear of all that... until I was about to leave. Thinking it wise to get all the fake blood off me before I ventured into the night I dived into the walk-in shower. But while I had soap in my eyes and completely unbeknownst to me two women and another man appeared beside me! What? Those bathroom door locks don't work then! They just did it for a laugh I think but shameless all the same! To my discredit I blushed deeply, grabbed a towel and fled. A top, top night though.

Kate Bush's Aerial is Sublime...

Oh. My. God. Aerial is simply fantastic from start to finish. Washing lines, parquet floors, hymn-like reveries, spooky backing vocals, signature portrait pieces, footprints in the sand, racy flamenco, shivery duets, staggering beauty, exquisite singing, audacious silliness, it's all here. My favourite track changes with each listen. Currently it is: Pi Sunset Nocturne Somewhere In Between. A masterpiece.

Brain Teaser Answers...

Congrats to Dave who got all correct and also to Mark who tried (unsuccessfully) to get me to remember the answers while in the pub last night.

1. 7162 and 3581.

2. Five words: Piers, Prise, Pries, Peris and Spire.

Word verification shocker...

Google's word verification system does choose some odd words.

Click for a bigger version.

Brain Teasers...

1. Find two blocks of numbers from within this list, one of which is double the other, and which when added together make 10743: 57162383581

2. How many English words can you make from the following five letters. Each letter must be used in the word, but can only be used once: E I P R S

What's in a Name?...

Pity poor 5th row on the right and I guess that must be her brother 4th row 2nd along.
[Thanks David]

En-gay-ge

Star Trek actor comes out as gay.
[Thanks Rog]

Pink Martini...

On Sunday the ever-wonderful Paul treated Simon, Charlie and I to tickets to see the rather lounge-tastic Pink Martini at the Sadler's Wells Theatre. It was a head-noddingly, foot-stampingly, hand-clappingly, arm-wavingly, finger-clickingly sensation of a show from opening bar to mind-bending crescendo. Good then.

This quirky, wildly original 12-piece band lie somewhere between a 1930s Cuban dance orchestra, a classical chamber music ensemble, a Brazilian marching street band and Japanese film noir. Pink Martini are engagingly impossible to categorise. On one level they are a retro-chic, Latin-based, classy easy-listening outfit, specialising in charming and melodic cocktail lounge ballads, before veering off into anything and everything from brooding European balladry and operatic mood pieces to ragtime or the Far East. The band is centred around the seductive vocals of China Forbes and piano genius Thomas Lauderdale. They are joined by four percussionists, two horns and a double bass.

Favourite bit? The fat bloke at the end of our row dancing to Brazil.

Chinese State Circus...

On Saturday afternoon the loveable Ian organised tickets for Winston, Martin and myself to go see the Chinese State Circus who had pitched up tent on Blackheath Common.

I'd not seen the CSC before and was mightily impressed. Martin had seen them before but even he was as excited as an excitable thing. There were so many, many "Wow!" moments but my favourites by far were the lions. They were funny, amazing and seemed so innocent and fun loving.

Marvelous.

Hallowe'en 2005...

David held his Hallowe'en party on Saturday night and here are some shots. Click for a bigger version.

More Hallowe'en 2005...

It's In His Kiss...

The voice-over man put on his best booming voice-over voice and announced to the waiting crowd, "Ladies and Gentlemen. Please welcome to the stage... straight from her successful tour of Japan... (you mean she's had an unsuccessful one?)... Linda Lewis."

Yes indeed, last night Stuart and I went to the Jazz cafe to see the rather marvelous Linda Lewis. Most famous perhaps for her hit It's In His Kiss Miss Lewis entertained us for a full 90 minutes with her own special collection of mainly self-penned songs taking in the delightful stylings that are calypso, soul, reggae, blues, lounge, doo-wop, gospel, scat, rap, pop, swing, country and western, rhythm and blues, and (let's not forget) jazz, jazz-funk and that old classic... jazz fusion. As Stuart remarked, "and all that in turquoise chiffon!"

Yes, she was a versatile little dynamo was our Linda, perhaps typified by one of her new songs I ddddddddon't do don't!. Great night. Thanks, Stu.

Homeward (I'll be) bound. Just having our final five star breakfast in the same room as previously occupied by Prince Charles, Neil Tennant and Whitesnake (although not concurrently one supposes). Then heading to Tallinn airport for our noon flight. It's been a fun trip but looking forward to being home.

Our full day in Riga was full indeed; churches, cathedrals, castles, museums, markets, monuments, Parliament, food & shopping. I must say, nice place. But we didn't see one smile all day. Must be the cold. The highlight for me was the Museum of Occupation 1939-1991 - very moving. Naturally we finished off the day/night with a bar crawl & then a Balzam nightcap. Balzam is thick, sweet, uniquely Latvian & 45% proof. Think we will be driving back to Estonia with hangovers today.

Blimey! We finally arrived in Riga after a marathon seven and a half hour drive from Tallinn. Our Latvia experience hadn't started well with a stroppy boarder guard barking orders at us. Then endless roadworks on the A1 and the new winter-time speed limit of 90 km/h coming into effect last weekend further compounded our delays. To cap it all though was the 90 mins we spent circling round and round Riga's Old Town trying to find a way in. This was incredibly frustrating as it was not only rush hour but also dark and the delights of horizontal sleet were sent to taunt us too. Tired, cold and wet we did eventually get to our hotel - to be pleasantly surprised at how very nice it was. Naturally we then did what any tourist first does and flicked the TV channels to find some natural disaster on the National Geographical Channel while we unpacked. Minutes later we once again heading out into the freezing cold and driving sleet - this time in search of a bit of beer, a bit of food and a bit of gay nightlife. The beer we found was Dutch, the food Latvian but the gay nightlife very 1980's. We had fun though. At least the music wasn't Eurovision for a change. We must have made a funny trio propping up the XXL bar: the uncle, the nephew and the niece. A couple of Swedes tried to engage us in conversation but fell at the first hurdle. They came from Finsbury Park. As if.

Opps! Spot the deliberate mistake. At 3:30am The Balkans & The Baltics seemed pretty much indisquishable. Apologies to Serbs, Croats, Slovs, Estones & Lats alike. We are, of course, in The Baltics.

Tallinn was lovely. We did the tourist thang & did the Old Town. Then dinner, X-bar (what? Eurovision night again?) & bed. Up at the crack we motored down to Pärnu where we stopped to snack, wander & look at the beach. God it's cold here.

Next stop Riga.

The Balkans Baltics...

Overyourhead is off on holiday again (What? Yet again? I hear you cry!). Drew, Nat and I are jetting off to the Balkans Baltics for five days. We're up at 3:30am to drive to Stansted and then taking the first flight to Tallinn in Estonia. Then on Tuesday we're driving down to Riga in Latvia doing a bit of sightseeing along the way. Thursday we'll be returning to Tallinn and then flying home on Friday. None of us have been to the Balkans before and we're all looking forward to it.

I'm not sure what the GPRS network infrastructure will be like so posting may be sporadic or the next five days. So if you don't hear from me... do feel free to talk amongst yourselves.

Arts and Minds...

On Friday Stuart and I went to Arts and Minds, a charity event hosted by Core Arts at Chats Palace in downtown-not-so-glitzy Homerton. We were treated to a night of poetry, music and art that was sometimes odd, occasionally bizarre but always loads of fun.

Core Arts promotes the artistic and creative abilities of people who experience mental health issues and uses the arts to breakdown the prejudices associated with mental health.

All in all it was quite an alternative night out and all the better for that: cheap beer, performances with passion and a very worthy cause.

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (An Abba Sample After Midnight)...

So Madonna had to beg Abba to use Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight) as the sample in her new rather fabulously addictive single Hung Up, huh? Well, she's not the first to use an Abba sample in a track. She's the third.

Sure loads of people have covered Abba songs - perhaps most successfully was Erasure with their rather wonderful number one Abbaesque EP. But only three people have actually sampled Abba (that I'm aware of). Those Swedes are notoriously loathe to let people muck about with their songs.

The ones before Madge were none other than the rather marvelous Fugees who used The Name Of the Game in Rumble In The Jungle in 1996.

But the Fugees weren't the first. Oh no. Someone had been there before them. So who were the first people to sample Abba? Which brave pioneers took that first step?

Bill Drummond wasn't a newcomer to the British music scene when he formed KLF. He had been a member of the late-'70s Liverpool band Big In Japan (with later-to-be-frontman for Frankie Goes To Hollywood, Holly Johnson). Neither was Jimmy Cauty who along with June Montana and Killing Joke's bassist Youth was signed to WEA as Brilliant. But between them these two men created one of the greatest music duos to hit the music scene. They survived loads of name-changes (Justified Ancients of Mu Mu , Disco 2000, The Timelords, The KLF, K Foundation and 2K), a handful of number ones, a sampling controversy that led to the withdrawal of their first album, and an unfinished movie project that almost put them in the poorhouse.

Their debut LP, released under the name of The Justified Ancients Of Mu Mu, was unassumingly dubbed 1987 - WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON. Recorded by Drummond and Cauty, under the aliases 'King Boy D' and 'Rockman Rock,' in Cauty's tiny apartment on a hip-hop inspired whim, the album was a complete homebrew in-your-face masterpiece, combining drum machines and loud Scots shouting with sound bites from everyone from The Monkees to Abba.

Unfortunately, Abba bit back. The JAMS, it seems, had lifted virtually every ounce of the Swedish disco band's hit Dancing Queen and dropped it unaltered into a track the JAMS has dubbed The Queen And I (predating the loop-and-sample antics of MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice by three or so years). It wasn't so much a cover as it was an unauthorized remix, and the threat of an expensive lawsuit inspired The JAMS to 'Do The Right Thing' - burn all the unsold copies of the album. Shame.

Comedy Camp...

On Tuesday Ali and I went to Comedy Camp @ Barcode in London's glitzy West End. It was a long yet very entertaining night: four hours we sat in that basement. We laughed for most of it though. All good fun. Topping & Butch were headlining with Shazia Mirza, the rather hunky Greg Burns and Ruth Bratt supporting. Simon Happily was as usual compering. Does anyone else think he looks like Jack McFarland from Will & Grace?

Know Comment...

Yes, the comments feature is back at OYH. Blogback Comments is out (thank you for over three years of loyal service) and Blogger Comments is in. Unlike other more sophisticated commenting systems I've tried it's basic, it's easy and it just seems to work. I would of course welcome your comments.

Dr Who spin-off: Torchwood...

The BBC has announced plans to create a spin-off series from Doctor Who. Captain Jack, the maverick time traveler who guest stared in the latter episodes of the revived Doctor Who, will take centre stage in Torchwood, a "paranoid thriller" due to debut on digital channel BBC Three late next year.

Created by Russell T Davies, the writer who successfully revived Doctor Who, Torchwood will see super-sexy John Barrowman reprise his role as Captain Jack. The series - described as a cross between the X Files and lawyer drama This Life - will feature investigators solving human and alien crime, as well as chasing alien technology that has fallen to Earth.

The 13-part drama, aimed at a post-watershed adult audience, will be filmed and based in Cardiff. Each episode will last for 45 minutes. According to Davis the series will be markedly different from Doctor Who. "Torchwood is a British sci-fi paranoid thriller, a cop show with a sense of humour," he said. "It's dark, wild and sexy." One of the confirmed writers is Sapphire and Steel creator PJ Hammond. Yay!

Blimey. So will Rose, the Doctor's latest companion, and Captain Jack renew their flirtation? Sadly not, because although Torchwood will be spawned in the forthcoming Christmas special of Doctor Who there will be no cross-over episodes between the two series. Boo hoo.

And why is it called Torchwood? It's an anagram of Doctor Who, of course.

What's the largest living thing in the world?...

What's that? A giant Redwood? No. Bigger than that. Did I hear you say the blue whale? That's a good guess too. After all, the average blue whale measures about 75-80 feet long and weighs about 110 tons. And you're right n part, the blue whale is the largest living animal on earth. But there is another living thing that's bigger. Much, much bigger. It stretches 3.5 miles (5.6 kilometers) across and covers an area larger than 1,600 football fields. And to add to it's mystery, most of it is hidden underground.

It's..... a fungus. Yes, a fungus with the scientific name Armillaria ostoyae. Known more commonly as the honey mushroom, this giant fungus was found in the Malheur National Forest in eastern Oregon. I guess you'd have to call it a humongous fungus.

Don't say you don't learn something when you come here, punters.

Week 29 Inside The Big Mother House...

I spent a lovely weekend just gone with gorgeous mother-to-be Sarah-Jane. And I can report that she is getting even more enormouser by the day. There are just five weeks to go now and the triplets are moving around and jostling for position like champion jockeys. I felt some of the kicking and elbowing that was going on and they're going to be feisty trio I can tell you. We had a a really relaxing time (something I suspect we both needed) just going for walks, chatting, playing board games, drinking green tea and talking baby-talk. Broody? Me?
Ben was still in South Africa but due back today. He's spent three weeks treading the boards, earning a crust to support the three cheeky monkeys when they arrive; three times the joy, three times the fun, three times the noise!

Goldfrapp : Number 1...

The (perhaps optimistically titled) new single from Goldfrapp is Number 1. See the doggy style video here or elsewhere. Very funny.

Hair @ The Gate...

Stuart and I went to see the Flower Power hippy musical Hair at The Gate in Notting Hill last night. The reviews had been mixed but good to enough to warrant an extension to the run (Hair Extension, geddit?!)

We both thoroughly enjoyed ourselves even though the production was ocassionally a tad am-dram. Sure it had gusto, energy and some pretty good ideas but was perhaps just a little niaive at times. Think Pet Shop Boys video meets Fame meets Rocky Horror.

The original story of Hair tells a story about Claude, young man from Oklahoma who comes to New York City. There he strikes up a friendship with the group of hippies, led by Berger, and falls in love with Sheila, girl from the rich family. However, their happines is short because Claude must go to Vietnam war.

Last night the musicial had been moved to a contemporary setting; New York street life in the noughties rather than the sixties. Vietnam was replaced by Iraq which was an OK idea in theory but really only worked in practice when the cast - playing captured Iraqis - were having their pictures taken doing obscenece things by gloating Amercian soldiers. Quite a powerful scene.

In seemed the cast of 20 or so were close to out numbering the audience (it's a small place is The Gate) but it did give you a chance to see a bit of cock and fanny close up - oh, did I not tell you there was lots of nudity in Hair?

But the real reason Stuart and I were there was for those songs. Everyone a gem; Aquarius, Donna, I Got Life, Black Boys, White Boys, Good Morning, Starshine and of course the sublime Let the Sun Shine In. We sung along and clapped our hands like loons. Great fun.

No Comment...

Blogback closed down today so no comments for the time being. Will try and get something up and running soon.

Kate Bush : Aerial...

Disc 1: A Sea Of Honey
1. King Of The Mountain
2. Pi
3. Bertie
4. Mrs. Bartolozzi
5. How To Be Invisible
6. Joanni
7. A Coral Room

Disc 2: A Sky Of Honey
1. Prelude
2. Prologue
3. An Architect's Dream
4. The Painter's Link
5. Sunset
6. Aerial Tal
7. Somewhere In Between
8. Nocturn
9. Aerial

Kate Bush's Album Artwork Contains Cryptic Message Fans baffled...
by Daniel Melia, Daily Star

Kate Bush’s new album cover reportedly contains a hidden message that fans are desperate to decode.

Bush’s first album in more than a decade entitled ‘Aerial’ has a soundwave image on the artwork that contains the cryptic message, apparently it is a “visaul representation of spoken, or sung words over music.”

A source told this morning’s Daily Star: “Sound analysts and fans alike have been agonisingly attempting to work out the message. The current favourites are wildly different.”

So far the leading suggestion are ‘We paint penguins pink’, 'Elvis is alive’ and 'Wind and waves of love’ although its not known if any of these are correct.

The source revealed that the plan was to baffle and intrigue the fans, they said: All the artwork on the album is interlinked and the cover art is supposed to get people guessing. The true message will only be revealed when you buy the album.”

The insider also quashed rumours that the second cd of the album will feature one continuous song, saying: The second disc, or B-side, is a number of different songs all linked together by theme to create one fluid piece of music.”

Text Addict...

My latest monthly mobile phone bill arrived today:
Rental £7.50
Calls £7.45
Text £128.88

It's not the fact that the bill is £143.83 (pretty high for me I have to confess) that I find scary. It's the fact that 90% of the bill is for text messages. Just eighteen months ago it was a 50/50 split. So taking into account that some texts were sent from the UK (10p) and some from overseas (25p) last month that's still averaging 25 texts a day. No wonder my thumbs are so sore.

Amsterdam Pix...

Amsterdam...

Martin and I had a lovely weekend in Amsterdam. It was his first time so we didn't rush to do all the touristy things on Day One. That's not to say we didn't get out and about; canal tour, torture museum, design shops but we didn't go mad. It was just lovely getting to know Martin a bit better and we had a laugh. The less said about a certain dinner the better but at least it made us realise we're on the same wavelength about fellow diners behaving like wankers! Looking forward to another trip. Pix to follow.

Goldfrapp at Brixton...

Last night David, Simon, Paul, Drew, James and I went to see Goldfrapp at the Brixton Academy. A blinding show with music and lights and rock and (let's not forget) roll. Alison stormed it. God, I love that woman.

David: "She looks like Kate Bush on the cover of Live At The Hammersmith Odeon in that dress"
Me: "Yeah, she's the Kate Bush for the noughties"
David: "THE Kate Bush is the Kate Bush for the noughties"
Me: "Good point"

And if further comparisons were praise I'd say Alison Goldfrapp has the sexiness of Madonna at her peak, the sultriness and flair for high camp of Grace Jones and her backing dancers would give Kylie's a run for their money.

Great show.

Reissue: Do you have a favourite kids' TV show?...

I used to love kids TV. Still do in many ways. Here are some of my favourite shows - in no particular order - some from way back when and some are more recent.

Hector's House (Hector, Zaza and Kiki frog et al)
Captain Scarlet (The original puppets not the recent CGI update. I always thought Captain Black was so sexy)
Rainbow (with the Holy Trinity of George, Bungle and Zippy)
Live and Kicking (both the Andy/Emma & Jamie/Zoe versions)
Dr Who (especially the Tom Baker era although the recent series has got to be the best kids drama on TV at the moment)
Andy Pandy (I had his trousers!)
The Clangers (especially the Soup Dragon)
UFO (scared me shitless)
The Woodentops (I actually thought the dog was real)
Torchy The Battery Boy (which incidentally features a baby dragon called Sparky. No, not that Sparky)
The Tomorrow People (I once asked my mother for a jaunt belt for my birthday)
Hong Kong Phooey (I used to think all Americans were like Rosmary, "your friendly female fuzz". I wasn't too far wrong)
Blake's 7 (I actually organised Blake's 7 conventions at University. We had Paul Darrow and Jacqueline Pierce et al coming to give talks)
Wacky Races (Dick, Penelope and the gang. Actually most H&B cartoons get my vote as I've blogged at length on earlier ocassions)
The Singing Ringing Tree (that was when I believed in magic)
SM:TV Live (but only when Ant & Dec were on it)
Space:1999 (especially the first 'pre-monsters' series. Before 'the Americans suits' got their hands on it!)
Thunderbirds (natch. Still watch it today when I can)

Do you have a favourite kids' TV show?

Gordon Is A Moron...

Last night Ian treated me to a trip to the Bloomsbury Theatre to see Fawn Again starring the rather amusing Graham Fellows.

And who he? Well, Graham Fellows played a 'young man' in Coronation Street in Janaury 1979 who chatted up Gail Potter whilst she was waiting for Brian Tilsley outside a cinema. It says here. And he now lives near Grantham in Lincolnshire. None the wiser? Ok, well, perhaps you might know Graham better as Sheffield-born bon viveur and keyboard ace John Shuttleworth - star of radio, TV, film and now cartoon.

Shuttleworth's dry Northern humour is quite winning. And last night's show was as dry as a nun's snatch.

In fact Graham has a previous alter-ego too: Jilted John. Graham scaled the heights of the UK single charts in 1978 with the classic punk-esque single Jilted John. The song peaked at number 4 and another two singles followed, though they did not reach the charts. Also released an album entitled "True Love Stories".

The Top Ten Worst Movie Sex Scenes...

It's official: the pool romp scene from Showgirls - featuring Elizabeth Berkley and Kyle MacLachlan going at it like two dolphins caught in a tuna net - is the crappiest movie sex scene of all time.

In awarding the crown to Paul Verhoeven's lamentable waste of celluloid, Empire magazine has at least ensured that it will go down in history for something besides possibly being the worst film ever made. An Empire spokesman said of the outrage: "It's supposed to be the best sex in the world but, as Berkley thrashes around in the water, it looks more like the first ten minutes of Jaws."

The top ten went like this:
Showgirls: Elizabeth Berkley and Kyle MacLachlan (1995)
Damage: Jeremy Irons and Juliette Binoche (1992)
Killing me Softly: Heather Graham and Joseph Fiennes (2002)
Body of Evidence: Madonna and Willem Dafoe (1993)
Crimes of Passion: Kathleen Turner (1984)
The Specialist: Sharon Stone and Sly Stallone (1994)
Gigli: Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez (2003)
40 Days and 40 Nights: Matt Sullivan and Shannyn Sossamon (2002)
Matrix Reloaded: Keanu Reeves and Carrie-Ann Moss (2003)
The Stud: Joan Collins and Oliver Tobias (1978)

Gay Navy Keelhauling...

The Navy has threatened to court martial a serving officer who is a finalist in the Mr Gay UK 2005. Richard Cowell, 25, is weapons engineer on Type-23 frigate HMS Northumberland. He's also Mr Plymouth and in the running for the UK's top gay male accolade - much to the chagrin of the Senior Service.

Cowell has been ordered to withdraw from the contest or face a keelhauling, the Sun reports. The paper has pulled its defence correspondent off Iraq duty to cover this most pressing of issues, apparently without effect because top Navy brass has instructed Cowell not to speak to the press.

His 18-year-old boyfriend Sean Wright, though, is not bound by military law, and declared: "The Navy say they are pro-gay but it seems that's only if you don't act it."

For its part, the Navy says it's not about gayness, stating: "It isn't appropriate for an officer to participate in any competition with a sexual theme."

Ah, that's the old nautical favourite of "find the golden rivet" well and truly consigned to walk the plank, then.

Homosexuality in the armed forces was deemed acceptable back in 2000. Prior to that, it was very seriously frowned upon, despite Winston Churchill's assertion that Britain's entire maritime tradition consisted of "rum, sodomy and the lash".

Cowell, meanwhile, is still a participant in Mr Gay UK 2005 and appears unwilling to quit. The man who wrote the Village People's In the Navy was unavailable for comment as we went to press.

Week 26 Inside The Big Mother House...

Sarah-Jane is getting enormous. There are just eight weeks to go and the triplets are getting ready for their last spurt of growth; kicking and jostling for position it can't be easy to carry all that weight around morning, noon and night. But not a born complainer, Sarah-Jane just gets on with it. Heavily pregnant she cooked me dinner not letting me lift a finger as we chatted and nattered like we always do; listening to each others joys and woes, dishing out sage words when it seemed appropriate and just enjoying each others company. It was a lovely night. I love Sarah-Jane to bits. We've always worked well like that though. We just get on.

Ben is in South Africa at the moment doing a bunch of gigs so I just thought it would be nice to go and keep Sarah-Jane company. When the evening was spent I curled up under the duvet with cat #2 and felt a real part of their family. A family which is soon to explode with three times the screaming, three times the nappies and three times the chaos. Let the fun begin. I'm looking forward to it.

Brain Teasers: The answers...

1. The letter 'n'.

2. 7293/14586 (as Dave pointed out) or 6729/13458 or (6+9)/(1+2+3+4+5+7+8) etc.

Don't Cry Out Loud...

My parents had a music system in the 70s that I wasn't allowed to touch. If I ever meet that fucking Elkie Brooks I'll kick her to death.

Brain Teasers...

1. Believe it or not, there is something that is in London which can also be seen in both France *and* New York. What is it?

2. Make a fraction to express one half using all the digits from one to nine. There are a few ways to do it I think.

Nano, Pico, Femto, Atto...

All that scratching's making me itch. Maybe I'll wait for the diamond screen version.

Duckie’s Big Saturday Night Seaside Special...

Duckie certainly know how to put on a party and at the end of November they'll be putting on a corker down in Bexhill-On-Sea. Come!

DUCKIE’S BIG SATURDAY NIGHT SEASIDE SPECIAL
IT'S 5IVE MINUTE VARIETY ACTS

SATURDAY 26 NOVEMBER 8PM - 1AM
DE LA WARR PAVILLION, BEXHILL-ON-SEA.
Ticket prices: £8 / £5
Specialising in a fusion of live art and variety, Duckie present a packed evening of contemporary performance, fun, dancing and socialising to mark the re-opening of this beautiful 1930's Grade 1 listed building on the south coast. Performing VARIETY ACTS that last no longer than 5 minutes is an all star line up including Tommy Angel, A.K, Marcia Farquar, Helen Paris, Leslie Hill, Miss High Leg Kick and special guest local performers from Bexhill on Sea, Bexhill Harmony, Sheik's Delight and Ann Dalton. Disc Jockeys Readers Wifes soundtrack the relaxed party as dance cards are issued and hostess Miss Amy Lamé introduces the new wave vaudeville. Patrons are requested to dress to impress, and smoking, drinking and smoozing are encouraged in this one off Saturday night special party.

Trinity Reunion...

It really was great to see both my college friends Sarah and John last Friday at the Trinity College Reunion. Sarah hasn't changed a bit - still as full of fun and life as ever. John, on the other hand, looks like he has lived what we used to call wryly 'a full and prosperous life' (yes, matey, I'm saying you've put on weight! Ha, ha.) It was great to see the other guys too - Martin and Imre and Jonathan and Stuart and Mike and Dan and David and everyone else. A room full of familiar faces, albeit slightly the worse for gravity's cruel pull.

However... (deep breath)... it was quite a lot for me to process really. It had been 24 years since I first went to Trinity, 21 years since I left and 17 years since I had last even darkened its door to pick up my MA. And to say time is a great healer is as trite as it is wrong. There was still lots of stuff for me to come to terms with and (re)evaluate. Frankly I still burn with some quite painful memories but (as I happily discovered) there were some really great ones to recollect too. Although I didn't exactly get an opportunity to exorcise my demons I did finally get a chance to talk about them. Which did help. Who says therapy doesn't work, huh? And indeed chatting to friends after I got back from the reunion over this past weekend gone has been strangely cathartic too. By actually vocalising my personal experiences with the unholy Trinity: Love Unreturned, Love Unrequited and Love with Menaces I think I'm actually starting to come to terms with what happened to me back then. In fact I might even go as far as to say that I am actually now feeling better about what happened and indeed myself. Which can't be bad, right?

And if truth be told I am probably quite looking forward to going to the next reunion 5 years hence. Now there's something I didn't thing I'd be saying a week ago.

Fanks...

Thank you everyone who came to wish me a happy birthday yesterday in Comptons and Bar Code - far too many to mention by name - but thank you one and all. And thank you for all your cards and presents too. I shall be watching, reading, listening and quaffing for some time to come.

A couple of points of order though: that wine did stain after all... it wasn't a sock... and that new 11 o'clock school-night curfew is a winner (feeling almost daisy fresh this morning).

The Forty-Four Club......

Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me-e
Happy Birthday to me!

I share a birthday with a number of 'famous' people. Many of whom I have never heard of. But the ones that always stick in my mind are generally from the world of entertainment: Linda Hamilton, Julie London, George Gershwin, T S Eliot, Winnie Mandela (er, OK, not really in the 'entertainment' camp - more tyre-burning perhaps), Anne Robinson and Will Self (who was born on the exact day I was incidentally).

Closer to my heart though are two particular people who I greatly admire and who I am proud to say I was born on the same day as them both. And they are Bryan Ferry (I have always been a big Roxy Music fan) and the ever youthful Olivia Newton-John. Hopelessly devoted to them both.

Virtus vera nobilitas...

Aged eleven I went to a comprehensive school in Stevenage. It was an all-boy's school and a bit of rough old place really. The pecking order was established fairly early on by fights amongst the kids - an example set for us by the sometimes violent staff (expulsions for threatening behaviour by both staff and pupils were not uncommon). Being a sensitive child I was petrified. But despite, and possibly because of, that I kept my nose in a book and studied quite hard. I consequently did quite well exam-wise (12 O-levels, 5 A-levels) - helped along by the fact that I fancied the pants off my maths teacher (male) for my first three years and then both my physics teachers (one male, one female) in the fifth and sixth forms. I was very eager to please. A swot, basically. And my parents, while never what you might call pushy, were too very proud of my results. Neither of them had ever been to university. They were overjoyed when I was encouraged to stay on and do a seventh term in the sixth form and take the Oxbridge entrance exam (no one had done that at our school for over twenty years). Much to my surprise (no, really!) and what I can only put down to luck I won an entrance award (something called an Exhibition) to study at Trinity College, Cambridge. An Exhibition is when you do rather well in the entrance exam, better than a mere pass but not as good as say a Scholarship. As I say, I didn't say I was actually clever. Just lucky.

Socially my three years at Trinity were initially fantastic but descended into probably the most difficult, and in many ways the unhappiest, three years of my life. I find it hard to talk about it even now. I can't really bring myself to go into the details of what happened but I had my heart broken and am not proud of how I reacted. I was also threatened and bullied in my final year which rather ruined the whole experience.

Academically I faired somewhat better - studying cosmology, advanced quantum mechanics & general relativity (yeah, yeah I know, easy options, huh?). The entrance award had given me better lodgings and also money towards accommodation. As a result I was able to live in college all three years. It was a sheltered existence which meant I didn't have to face the real world - far more gown than town life.

So what did I get out of the experience? Well, officially I am the not-so-proud owner of letters after my name. To be precise they are MA (Hons) Cantab MBCS. But that's not much to show for three years at university. I have no friends from there - no one I keep in contact with. Not one a single person. Sad really. And if anyone asks about where I went to university I tend to just keep it quiet. I don't like to talk about Cambridge. I'm frankly embarrassed I ever went there.

Which brings us to today. And given my hatred of the place just how can I explain that in six hours I am going to my first college reunion at Trinity College, Cambridge? 21 years after swearing I'd never go back there I'm currently packing a dinner jacket, bow tie and cummerbund. I shall be having tea with the Master, drinks with the Fellows, attend dinner in Great Hall and stay the night in college. Oh, and there's all my contemporaries to see.

So why am I going? I was contacted. Via Friends Reunited. By Sarah. Someone I was at college with. And she persuaded me to go. Using the powers of logic. "You have to come", she said. And she's right. I do have to go. Damn logic! Gets me every time!

So here I am waiting to go. I'm nervous. Churning with emotions. And actually genuinely afraid. I must be mad. But this is the new me. I do have to go. I'll be 44 on Monday for God's sake and it's about bloody time I lay some of these ghosts to rest. About bloody time. So it's carpe diem all the way. Virtus vera nobilitas.

The George and Dragon Public House at the ICA...

Last night David, Ian and I went to a rather unusual version of one of our regular watering holes: The George and Dragon in Hackney Road has been rather lovingly transposed into the ICA. This is not a recreation but an abstraction and translation of the elements that define the G + D experience, it says here.


The popular East End boozer is displayed as part of the exhibition London in Six Easy Steps. These exhibitions attempt to examine London as it is today, to make sense of how the city’s social and political imperatives condition the production, presentation and interpretation of art.


All well and good - but it worked for us. After a casual glance round we three parked ourselves at the bar, ordered beers and started gossiping and chewing over the days news as if we had just walked into the G + D itself. We soon forgot we were in an art installation.

So a success then.

Harry Potter and The Goblet Of Fire...

See the new Harry Potter and The Goblet Of Fire trailer here. Cool.

Kate Bush: King Of The Mountain...

Psst! Wanna hear Kate Bush's new single King Of The Mountain - then pop along to Radio 2's Ken Bruce show and go to about 35 mins in. I love it!!

Reissue; First things first...

First vinyl 7" I ever bought: Heart of Stone by Kenny (1973)
First vinyl 12" I ever bought: California Dreaming by Colorado (1978)
First vinyl EP I ever bought: On Stage EP by Kate Bush (1979)
First vinyl LP I ever bought (not my money): The Sound Of Music (1967)
First vinyl LP I ever bought (my money): Waterloo by Abba (1974)
First cassette single I ever bought: Into Battle by Art Of Noise (1984)
First cassette album I ever bought: Sulk (UK/US version double-sided) by the Associates (1982)
First CD single I ever bought: Got To Be Certain by Kylie Minogue (1988)
First CD album I ever bought: Welcome To The Pleasuredome by Frankie Goes To Hollywood (1984)
First pre-recorded video cassette I ever bought: Kate Bush Live At The Hammersmith Odeon (1981)
First DVD video I ever bought: The Matrix (1999)

RVT Auction: Live!...

I just watched the RVT auction live today at the auctioneers web site and listened to it on the phone on 09016 030024 (60p per minute thanks very much). I even recorded it.

Listen to the introduction to the bidding

The bidding started at 13:16 with an opening bid of £500,000 followed by 525, 550, 575, 600 etc...

Listen to is how the bidding starts...

700, 710, 720...

Listen to how it continues...

770, 775, 780...

Listen to how the bidding continues apace...

995, 1 million, 1 million & 5, 1 million and 10...

Listen to how it rises...

1 million & 80, 1 million & 85, anyone else? anyone? going for 1 million & 85, 1 million and 85 thousand.

...and finally listen to how it concludes.

Sold!

So that was £1,085,000 at 13:22 precisely.

Amnesia...

When I was in Sydney earlier on this year I was in a club and someone tapped me on the shoulder... Yay! Stevie P! And when I was in Sitges in June I was in a bar and someone tapped me on the shoulder... Yay (again)! Stevie P (again)! And when I was in Ibiza the week before last I was in Amnesia and again someone tapped me on the shoulder and said, "we must get different travel agents!"... Yay (yet again)! Stevie P.(yet again)! "Which one of us is following the other? Ha, ha"... "Let's get a picture to prove it to Dave!" So we did. Small world.

Ooh LA LA...

Last week I went see two films both with very different takes on life in Los Angeles.

On it's crudest level Me & You & Everyone We Know is about sex. Sex & relationships. Sex & relationships & the strange things people do. Albeit the more conventional contact between a man & a woman struggling to date, two teenagers desperate to have their first sexual experience or the more comical chat-room meeting between unsuspecting strangers. And no, I didn't know what 'back & forth' was either! Recommended.

Crash is an intelligently written ensemble piece exploring racism in present day LA. Slick, pacy & compelling it's message was clear - we all have the propensity to be racist, self-racist etc. It's how we act on these base feelings that define us. Oh, & it's very funny. Highly recommended.

I (Want) Tunes...

I'm getting a bit fed up with my Sony MP3 player (or Sony Network Walkman NW-HD1 to give it it's full name). Sure it plays music fine. But even the latest SonicStage software it uses is just pathetic; it's slow, bereft of features, cumbersome and (worst of all) you can't easily create playlists on the fly. I want to be able to line up the next set of tracks - not have to wait until the last one has finished. V v frustrating.

So since it's my birthday in ten days time (hint, hint) I've decided to treat myself to a new toy. The only thing is... I can't decide. iPod Color or iPod Nano. (Or both!)

UPDATE: Well, I've taken the plunge and bought myself an iPod 60Gb. Charging as we speak. Work have chipped in part of the money as a birthday present so that's taken some of the sting out of the £339 price tag. But God, do the people who work in stores (and specifically the people who work in the Apple Store in Regent Street) know how to take the fun out of shopping? Patronising remark, sigh, patronising remark, sigh, sigh, amble off to ask another sales guy, shake head, amble back, patronising remark. I was only trying to find out what came in the bloody box in case I need to buy extra cables or a docking station. Yes, I know what USB is. Yes, I know what a power supply is. Don't patronise me, you (admittedly rather handsome) gibbon! Rant over.

One Hour Later Tube Proposal - Consultation Results Available...

Just got this from TfL.

Earlier this year we conducted a public consultation on the proposal to change the operating hours of the Tube at weekends. We proposed to run trains an hour later, meaning that last trains would depart from the West End on Friday and Saturday nights at around 1.30am and first trains would arrive at Central London stations at around 7am on Saturdays and 8:30am on Sundays. We have now published the consultation results. A record number of responses (around 54,000) were received and we are now in the process of considering all the issues raised. A decision on how to proceed in the light of them will be made later in the year. The full consultation report and executive summary can now be found on the TfL website
If you have any questions or would like hard copies of the report or executive summary in alternative languages or formats please email us at onehourlater@tfl.gov.uk or ring 020 7941 3920.
Yours sincerely
Mike Bartram
Head of TfL Consultation

Google Blog Search...

Google has unveiled a website that lets people search web journals or blogs.

Google says that the software powering the the search site will index all weblogs not just the ones published on (the Google-owned) Blogger.

Further, the index only holds blog postings from June 2005 forward but Google said it was working on ways to add older posts.

I wonder how Google knows a site is a blog rather than some other type of site?

Pop Quiz: The Answers...

01. Leopard
02. Tiger
03. Lion
04. Flamingo
05. Albatross
06. Robin
07. Elephant
08. Gorilla
09. Ape
10. Gibbon
11. & 12. Any six of Lobster, Dogfish, Catfish, Mantaray, Stingray, Jellyfish, Piranha, Sea Robin, Narwhal or Whale
13. Lizard
14. Snake
15. Turtle
16. Frog
17. Pig
18. Cat
19. Dog
20. Rabbit

Pop Quiz...

Last night David and I went to the Retro Bar Retroteasers Pop Quiz for the first time in simply ages. It was good fun just the two of us perched at the bar surrounded by faces old and new, reminiscing about the good old days when Pop Quiz was a weekly event for us both. Sadly our other partner in crime, Darren, couldn't join us as he was applying liberal amounts of sticky tape and glitter to his new cinema in Greenwich. (Good luck on your big opening by the way, Darren!)

The quiz had the theme of animals owing to the fact that this coming Sunday is Gay Day at London Zoo.

Every answer was an animal. There was £80 in the kitty (pun intended) and we did really well. The winners got 20/20 (Damn there eyes!) but we came a close second. Well, we got 19/20. Which sort of meant we came second. Well, when I say second... strictly speaking we got a score that equaled the second highest score. Because *loads* of people got 19/20. It was dead easy quiz you see. Which as we both agreed are actually the most fun. It appeals to the know-it-all in us both. Enough of my rambling though. On with the quiz.

In each case I just want the animal from the clue.

01. Pour Some Sugar On Me - Def ...
02. Hot Topic - Le ...
03. Iron, ..., Zion - Bob Marley
04. ... - Fleetwood Mac
05. ... - Manfred Mann
06. Rockin' ... - Jackson 5
07. White Stripes album
08. Chart topping single Dare - ...
09. Super ... - Lee Scratch Perry
10. The Funky ... - The Goodies
11. Three sea animals mentioned in Rock Lobster by the B-52s
12. Three more sea animals mentioned in Rock Lobster by the B-52s
13. Money - The Flying ...
14. Fool For Your Lovin' - White...
15. Can You Dig It? - Mock ...
16. Axel F - Crazy ...
17. She Said - Long ...
18. Cool For ... - Squeeze
19. I Wanna Be Your ... - Iggy Pop
20. Bright Eyes - Art Garfunkel

Ibiza 2005 Pictures...

Psst! Wanna see more Ibiza 2005 pix? On that page click on each one to see / download the full res copy.

Brokeback Mountain...

Like a Rhinestone cowboy? Love this.

Celine's Heart Will Go On... And On...

Singer Celine Dion cries (and sings) out for help for the victims of Hurricane Katrina in this CNN interview. Set toes for 'curl'.
[Thanks David]

The RVT is up for sale...

This just in from Guy... The Royal Vauxhall Tavern is up for sale by auction on 20th Sept. at the New Connaught Rooms in London. Starting bid £750,000. Andrews & Robertsons - Auctions Lot 59.

UPDATE: I now know a lot more about this but can say very little. All will be revealed at the auction. All I can say is in general at a property auction; (a) require you to prove you have the money to bid, (b) you need to come up with the money within three days of your winning bid, (c) there is very little time for surveys or searches to be done even if you are allowed access & (d) the winning bid could be way above what you think you are going to pay. Way above.

Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible...

I'm back home now. And the weather is probably slightly better than Ibiza! Blogging from a computer is so much easier than what I'd been doing while I was away; letter-by-letter blogging from my phone and using the e-mail feature of blogger to do the publishing. Luckily I have today off too so it's off down Snappy Snaps to get my snaps developed and to pick up a card for Drew - it's his birthday tomorrow.

Back in the UK now lying on an inflatable bed in Chelmsford at 2:30am...

Back in the UK now lying on an inflatable bed in Chelmsford at 2:30am. The way you do. Michael & Andrew are kindly putting me up as my flying sedatives mean I can't drive for another four hours. Our last night & day in Ibiza didn't fail to disappoint. We had a lovely meal in the old town, a last drink at Angelo's & a last shake of our collective tail feathers at Anfora's. And big up to Jose, Donald & Andrew for making my last night especially special. The last day on the beach to top up the tan was followed by a farewell sangria at the Cenit. Natch. Then a dash back to the hotel for a quick shower before dropping off the hire cars and a take-off to landing diazepam induced snooze on the 23:50 red eye back to 'London' Stansted. And nice to be back it is. Chillax quotient: Low. Three glasses of wine, tequila shots, eight beers last night, two glasses of sangria today. Large bottle of water. Three cigarettes. One stressful flight home. 10mg diazepam for said flight. Four hours sleep last night. Two hours sleep on the plane.

Dinner with Andy, Tim, Gary, John & Richard last night. An hour & forty minutes we waited for our fucking main course! Grrrr! Anyways, the rest of the evening was delightful at Angelo's & Red Bar. Home by the perfectly respectable time of 5am.
Today started with a thunderstorm with torrential rain but it cleared up enough for us to do a tour of the island ending up in Café Del Mar for cocktails & to watch the sunset. Marvelous.
Tonight is our last night so no doubt it will be binge & tinge. That is to say binge drinking - tinged with a touch of sadness.
Chillax quotient: High. Seven beers last night, one today. No water. No cigarettes. Six hours sleep.

Alforo (spelled it right this time) last night was fab. Even the stripper seemed good! All the gang were there i.e. Andy, Kevin, Andy, Tim, Andrew, Michael, Stuart, Gary, Hendrik, Paul, Dirk, Andreas, Fred, Tony etc etc. I had a bit of an odd nobody-loves-me moment at one point & went home for a little 20 minute cry (it's the most weird things that can set you off) but bounced back and danced till dawn. Had a fabulous day on the beach & we watched the sunset with sangria in hand at the Cenit pool. Lovely.
Personnel Update: Martin & Richard have left. Neil leaves tonight. Kevin joined us at the weekend. Richard leaves tomorrow first thing.
Chillax quotient: High. Six beers, two glasses of sangria. Half bottle of water. One cigarette. Four hours sleep.

Sleep did the trick. I left the apartment for the first time in 48 hours last night to meet the boys for a beer and felt almost normal. Later on I had dinner with Martin & Richard, met the boys again at JJ's before we headed to Angelo's for a pre club beer as per normal. After that we walked round the port to Scandals at Penelope's. Penelope's is a club straight out of the early 1980's with heaps of chrome, sharply angled black décor & subdued lighting. Think The Stud. Think The Bitch. Think Basic Instinct. All it needed was Jackie Collins. Not a place we'll be rushing back to.
Today we were up at noon again for a much missed trip to the beach. It was a little cloudy but still very hot. Needless to say I slightly overdid it. Tonight I'm out for dinner with Andy, Kevin, Neil & Ian before joining the others at Angelo's prior to Alforno for the Black Out party. Back in the saddle then.
Chillax quotient: Medium. Five beers. One bottle of water. Two cigarettes. Five hours sleep.

I'm feeling ill again today so staying in bed with the curtains closed. Still bunged up & sore throat so more sleep has got to help, right?
Chillax quotient: Very high. No beers. Four litres of water. 4 doses of odd red Spanish powder remedy. 12 aspirin. No cigarettes. 36 hours sleep on & off.

Note to self #1: Hotel minibars are not only expensive & poorly stocked but contain very little by way of nutritional value.

Note to self #2: Gone In 60 Seconds in Spanish is slightly better than Gone In 60 Seconds in English in that you don't have to even pretend to follow that terrible dialogue.

Note to self #3: (But I already knew this) Andy Ruffett is a complete star. He's been checking up on me & air-dropping in some much needed supplies (I was out of water & food).

The best laid plans...

The best laid plans... no daytime dancing at Space for me. The niggling tickle in my throat has developed into a full on sore throat & head cold. So I'm stuck in bed with a good book, a box of Keenlex & a big box of medicine the local Ibiza pharmacist gave me. The box contains a weird coarse reddish powder but as the instructions are in Spanish so I don't know whether to sniff it, dissolve it in water & swallow it or make sandcastles with it. Maybe by doing all three I'll get high, get better & keep myself amused all at the same time. Time will tell.

Just about to have a disco nap so will be quick...

Just about to have a disco nap so will be quick. Last night was 70s/80s night at Anfora: the likes of the Boney M megamix, Village People & the entire SAW back catalogue made it's weekly outing. Hey ho. It was a late one too. We did a bit of a tour of Ibiza today spending most of our time at a rock face on the other side of the island snorkeling & sunbathing. Meal tonight in town and then early night as getting up to go to Space at 10am tomorrow. Well that's the plan! Chillax quotient: High then Low. Five beers last night, two today. One bottle of water. No cigarettes. Three hours sleep last night: blame Pete Waterman.

And for those wondering...
'Chillax' is slang; being a compound root word made up from 'chilled out' and 'relaxing'. Hence chillaxing (or chilaxing as some scholars prefer), to chillax and chillax quotient.
Chillax quotient is a measure of how chilled out & relaxing something is. A chillax quotient of 'high' means something is very chilled out and relaxing. A 'low' quotient means it's wild & manic.

Only got two hours sleep before having to move hotels. Now in a pretty Glam apartment - think port view, think distressed décor, exposed masonry, blue Mediterranean colours and a Changing Room style. Spent the day with Andy & Ian up at Cenit pool again.
Chillax quotient: High. Two beers. Two bottles of water. No cigarettes. Lots of swimming & sunbathing.

It's 8am and I just got back from Amnesia. It was fun but not as much fun as I remember when I last there in 1987. All the lads were there from the BBQ plus our crew. Big up to Jason for coming through on the guest list. Saved us ?50 a head.
Chillax quotient: Low. Two beers (?10 a pop thank you very much). No bottles of water. No cigarettes. Got to be up in 3 hours as moving hotels.