On Saturday Drew and I went to see Nancy Cartwright's one woman show, "My Life as a 10-Year-Old Boy," at the Riverside Theatres in Hammersmith. As I'm sure you know Nancy is really a 'boy' - Bart Simpson.
It was quite a good show - with lots of suitably amusing anecdotes - ruined only slightly by the fact that... I was dragged up on stage and forced to take part in the trivia quiz!
For my pains (and imperfect knowledge of Bart's middle name) I won a Bart Simpson key ring - given to me by Bart Simpson him/herself! Yay!
I have a confession to make. I'm odd. Really odd. Or maybe just mad. But... I... enjoy... (I find it hard to admit this)... actually enjoy having a a hangover. I find it warm and fuzzy and nice. It's like a brain hug. Does that make me weird?
O2 has confirmed it is to sponsor London's most prominent white elephant by renaming The Millennium Dome "The O2". Due to reopen in 2007 it will be a venue for music, shows and sporting events. A spokesman for O2 shrugged off claims that it was sponsoring a monument of ridicule. "This is a bold move," he said, "and is in keeping with our emphasis to back music and entertainment." Let's face it though, at the end of the day it's just a big tent that no-one wants to go to.
More live dates from the lovely Goldfrapp. They are headlining at the TDK Cross Central festival in Kings Cross on Saturday 28th August. And straight from the deer's mouth: We've changed the title of the album - it's now called Supernature. It's still coming out on 22nd August, and Ooh La La will be on 8th August as previously planned. And the tracklisting is as follows: 1. Ooh La La 2. Lovely 2 C U 3. Ride A White Horse 4. U Never Know 5. Let It Take You 6. Fly Me Away 7. Slide In 8. Koko 9. Satin Chic 10. Beautiful 11. Time Out From The World 12. No. 1
I'm obsessed with Kelly Osbourne's One Word and have it on repeat both on my MP3 player, at home, at work and in my head. Love it. Especially CD2 - that has a cover of The Human League's Sound Of The Crowd.
I cannot let the event pass, Arsenal became FA Cup Champions with the final on Saturday. Arsenal beat Manchester United but not with a particularly satisfy of victory; it was 5-4 on penalties after 30 minutes extra time. Still although we know we can play better than we did it is important to go back home with the trophy. Modifies rapture. So two cheers for the Gunners!
Paul and I have both put ourselves down for season tickets for the new Emirates Stadium when it opens for the 2006/2007 season. Fingers crossed though as there are approximately 32300 other people in the queue in front of us. Our joker to be played? We are both Islington Residents and so should get priority for half of the new tickets released.
On Saturday it was my sister's wedding. Everything went smoothly and we all had a fantastic time as I know Jo and Martin did too. So congratulations to the happy couple! May you have years of joy ahead. All my love XX
From Monday June 20 to July 2nd Justin Bond (& The Freudian Slippers) are performing at the Soho Theatre, "an evening of story and song by, for and about trannies, hustlers and drug addicts. Following on from several sold out runs with Kiki & Herb, Soho Theatre presents the premiere of this solo show from New York's Justin Bond. An autobiographical melange of music and video in which Justin tells all about his years teetering on the edge of the sidewalk between the nightclub and the gutter from San Francisco to New York to London." Not to be missed!
The blurb said: "The Sith are masters of the dark side of the Force and the sworn enemies of the Jedi. They were all but exterminated by the Jedi a thousand years ago, but the evil order continued in secrecy. They operated quietly, behind the scenes, acting in pairs - a Master and an Apprentice - patiently biding their time before they could take over the galaxy. In Episode III, they'll finally exact their revenge on the Jedi."
As the last couple of films have been a tad disappointing maybe this really will be Revenge of The Sixth. And indeed it was. It was great. It has restored my faith in the franchise.
I thought that despite some good bits it was way too repetitive. The scenes were cut way too fast to take it all in. There was far too much CGI leading it to look like a 1970s Roger Dean album cover. The acting was awful (with perhaps the notable exception of Ian McDiarmid as Supreme Chancellor Palpatine). The script poor and the direction pedestrian. There was no real magic that we'd enjoyed in the first trilogy. Having said all of that it was better than either Episode 1 or Episode 2! My 2p.
Last night Drew, Paul and I went to the National Gallery in London's glitzy West End to see the current Caravaggio exhibition showing there.
It was a magnificent, albeit brief, tour of the last four years of the great painter's life when he was on the run from a murder rap in Rome.
Killing someone in a duel was not atypical behaviour from the hot tempered, violent, rebellious, tormented genius. He painted some of his greatest work while on the run and fearing for his life. Odd that.
Caravaggio's work in general is striking in that it is virtually photo realistic. However his characters in these later works are charged with emotions that seem to come from the artist's own personal experiences. I suppose in that respect he is what we might coin the first 'modern artist'.
Yesterday I was on my second Dreamweaver course - this time the intermediate one that helped introduce me to slightly groovier features: META tags, forms, libraries, cascading style sheets, rollovers, behaviours, layers, timelines, Flash, pop-ups and image maps. All great fun. But rest assured, dear reader I shall not be subjecting you to too much dynamic content on overyourhead. That would just be needlessly cruel.
Last night Paul and I undertook our almost annual pilgrimage to the Barbican Theatre to see our idol Laurie Anderson perform live. She was performing The End of the Moon, the second of her trilogy of intimate solo works. It followed on from the fabulous Happiness show. And was no less fabulous itself. Weove Laurie: poet, humourist, violinist and NASA's first (and last) artist-in-residence.
Selected gems included:
Who taught you what beauty is?
Life is just bad art. Written by too many writers not knowing what they are writing about. Characters come and go almost at random. Plots start but never go anywhere. Characters die for no reason whatsoever. It's like those empty buses at night. Circling the city.
And beneath it all is your subconscious. Your subconscious can't speak. It doesn't know any words. So it just shows you pictures. This is blue. What do you make of that? And you spend years trying to figure it out.
I was in Turkey last year. On this TV show. And the audience all had guns. Pistols, machine guns, various other artillery. And I thought, "Oh oh. Not what any artist wants. A heavily armed audience."
Have you seen that new 3-D television weather forecast graphics on the telly? It's crap. After the BBC News yesterday it crashed twice live "ERROR! NO VALUE!" How embarrassing. The Scots aren't too happy either.
The first Dr Who DVD of the new series is out this week. With a 12 certificate due to the The Unquiet Dead episode, which featured Victorian killer zombies. The second DVD will be out on 13th June - again with a 12 certifcate - this time due to the scene of the Dalek being tortured.
Last night Paul, Simon, Charlie and I went to see Alison Moyet at the Royal Festival Hall. Paul had booked us a box which gave us an excellent view of both the stage and the auditorium - an auditorium packed with poofs and dykes aplenty. The gays do like Alf.
The staging was simple with keyboards, two guitars, drums and a stringed quartet. But it was Alf's voice we had all come to hear. And she did not disappoint. She would tenderly caress both classic love songs and defiant heartbreakers with equal vocal skill. Her range was amazing and style distinctive.
The show was to promote her last two albums, the most recent of which, Voices (a covers albums of classic love songs), has been the soundtrack to my life for the last few weeks.
To say I cried during the show would be putting it mildly. I blubbed like a baby more or less throughout. At one point, just after God Give Me Strength, I even had to leave my seat and go outside to compose myself.
Alf is a great, great performer. And it was a great, great show (sniff).
Breaking news: Kylie has cancelled her Australian Showgirl tour after a diagnosis of breast cancer.
The following statement was issued by her management:
"Whilst at home in Melbourne with her family this week prior to her Australian Showgirl tour, Kylie was diagnosed with early breast cancer. She will undergo immediate treatment and consequently her Australian tour will not be able to proceed as planned."
Kylie said today: "I was so looking forward to bringing the Showgirl tour to Australian audiences, and am sorry to have to disappoint my fans.
"Nevertheless, hopefully all will work out fine and I'll be back with you all again soon."
I've been rather busy of late. Socially that is. Keeping myself occupied you might say. With beer mainly.
Craig came to stay Wednesday so it was beers and Amateur Strip Night at BJ's White Swan. The Brazilian won - the Russian lost. As usual. Thursday it was dinner with Craig and Paul and more beers and Central Station. Where, surprisingly, they had a stripper on. Quite how I found myself on stage... your guess is as good as mine. Friday Craig and I went on a bar crawl to Comptons (bit boring), Bar Code (great fun) and the Hoist (rather empty but great fun). Saturday Simon was over and after blubbing our hearts out to Dr Who (sniff) Paul, Simon, Craig and I went to Duckie. Lots of beers and Chinese Opera anyone? On Sunday Dave came back from York so he, Craig and I headed off for beers at the RVT and ended up with beers at HMD. And surrounded by a wonderful bunch of friends. Thanks for the hug Tim.
The specs aren't especially astounding but impressive all the same: Three IBM PowerPC 3.2Ghz CPUs ATI 500MHz graphics processor 48 billion shader operations per second 512Mb GDDR3 RAM of memory Removable and upgradeable 20Gb hard drive Three USB ports Windows Media Extender built-in Support for DVD-video, DVD-ROM, DVD-R, DVD+R, CD-DA, CD-R, WMA CD, MP3 CD, Jpeg photo CD
Kath and Kim... Kath and Kim is finally here! Tonight sees the very first episode being shown on the BBC. So get in on the ground floor, hornbags!
Kath and Kim (Sitcom) - Sex Time: 22:00 to 22:30 (30 minutes long). When: Thursday 12th May on BBC 2 Australian sitcom about a mother and daughter living in suburbia. Kim demands Sharon's help to stalk her estranged husband Brett, while Kath and Kel find themselves otherwise engaged. Starring: Jane Turner, Gina Riley, Glenn Robbins, Peter Rowsthorn, Magda Szubanski (New Series, Widescreen, Subtitles)
At last, we are delighted to announce the long awaited new album. It's called "Ooh La La" and is released on 22nd August. There will be a single, also called "Ooh La La" released on 8th August. It's sulky, it's sexy and it's a little bit ooh la la! We've already made a fantastic video to go with it and we'll make sure you'll be getting a sneaky preview very soon.
I Know It's Over - The Smiths... Oh mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head And as I climb into an empty bed Oh well, enough said I know it's over still I cling I don't know where else I can go, mother
Oh mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head See, the sea wants to take me The knife wants to slit me Do you think you can help me?
Sad veiled bride, please be happy Handsome groom, give her room Loud, loutish lover, treat her kindly Although she needs you more than she loves you
And I know it's over Still I cling I don't know where else I can go It's over, it's over, it's over
I know it's over And it never really began But in my heart it was so real And you even spoke to me and said:
"If you're so funny Then why are you on your own tonight? And if you're so clever Then why are you on your own tonight? If you're so very entertaining Then why are you on your own tonight? If you're so very good looking Why do you sleep alone tonight? I know because tonight is just like any other night That's why you're on your own tonight With your triumphs and your charms While they are in each other's arms"
It's so easy to laugh It's so easy to hate It takes strength to be gentle and kind It's over, over, over
It's so easy to laugh It's so easy to hate It takes guts to be gentle and kind It's over, over, over
Love is natural and real But not for you, my love Not tonight my love Love is natural and real But not for such as you and I, my love
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
The kilo is a French lumb of metal... The National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST) in the United States, is calling for the kilo to be redefined in terms of a natural phenomenon, such as the number of atoms in a silicon crystal, or the amount of magnetic force required to levitate an object in a watt balance. And why should we argue with them?
Well for 115 years, the kilogram has been defined by a lump of platinum-iridium alloy, kept just outside Paris. But these scientists argue that relying on an actual physical artifact leaves the kilogram vulnerable to misinterpretation, and means other nations have to travel to France to verify their own standard masses. The kilo is now the only international standard measurement left still defined by an actual thing. The metre, for example, was originally defined as a ten-millionth of the distance from the north pole to the equator. It is now agreed to be the distance light travels in one 299,792,458th of a second.
Peter Mohr from NIST in the US argues that a physical artifact can change over time - even if it is a very stable substance, like platinum-iridium alloy. Mohr reckons that it changes as much as 50 parts per billion have been seen over a hundred years. This is probably not a serious problem for banana salesmen, but could impact subatomic physicists, he claims. Which I guess is true. He also pointed out that since 1889, when the Parisian lump was accepted as the international standard, US scientists have had to travel to France three times to verify their own standard masses. Something their not so keen to keep doing. Especially with such a froggy-bashy climate as exists in the US at the moment.
The advantage of the watt balance, or counting atoms, is that any country can recreate them, Mohr argues. The new standards could also be as much as 50 times more precise, and Mohr argues that these factors "tip the scales in favour of the redefinition". Such wit.
But these are not the only arguments in favour of a change. "A meteor could strike Paris - destroying the prototype," Mohr says. "The watt balance can always be recreated." In the aftermath of a meteor strike, it would indeed be good to know exactly how many kilos of rubble have fallen on your house, for example, or exactly how heavy was the thing that has wiped Paris from the face of the Earth.
Further, the news that the kilo is in such imminent danger of extinction will no doubt be seen as a vindication by Brits reluctant to sell their fruit and veg in metric units.
Guilty Pleasures Caption Competition... Back in March Paul and I went to the Guilty Pleasures night at the Islington Academy where they were giving out free doughnuts. Their in-house photographer must have taken a snap of me as I helped myself to another one judging by this picture that appears on their web site. They are now running a caption competition - can you perhaps help me win a prize?
He's three I've just thought of.
Caption #1 Manic sugar-crazed overbiter can't believe his luck. Another Dunkin Donut for free.
Caption #2 Sugar rush me, baby one more time.
Caption #3 Wanna suck my Chupa Chups?
But I'm sure you can come up with something better...
Russia Invades Switzerland... This double page advert for Microft just gets it a bit wrong. Mr 500 Servers works for the Department of Foreign Affairs, Switzerland. Funny how the map seems to suggest the head office is in what? Moscow? And isn't that the picture they used to try and scare us with in the 1980s demonstrating the ICBM threat from USSR?
Duckie Dates... Regular readers will know I'm a big Duckie fan. So here are some dates for my (and I'd recommend your) diary...
Gay Shame The Annual Festival of Homosexual Misery Saturday 2 July 2005 9pm - 3am The Coronet next to Elephant & Castle Shopping Centre & Tube, London, SE1 Tickets £15 in advance from The Retro Bar Limited tickets available on the door. Advance purchase advised.
PANIC ON THE STREETS OF LONDON The Un-Official Stephen Patrick Morrissey Fan Club Convention. Friday 10 June 9pm - 3am Starring Justin Bond, Tina C., Nathan Evans, The Puppini Sisters and many, many more.
A CRASH COURSE FOR THE RAVERS The Un-Official David Bowie Fan Club Convention Friday 5 August 9pm - 3am Starring Mikey Mode, Princess Julia, Miss High Leg Kick, the Buddha of Suburbia and many, many more.
WOW! The Un-Official Kate Bush Fan Club Convention Fri 14 October 9pm - 3am Starring Marisa Carnesky, Paul Kieve, Kazuko Hohki, Fake Bush, Boogaloo Stu, Wee Lee and many, many more.
All Trinity events are at The Coronet too and also cost £15 in person from The Retro Bar. They are doing a Season Ticket (for all 3 Trinity events): £40 Limited tickets available on the door. Advance purchase advised.
Training Courses Are Like Buses... I've worked in the same job for nigh on 16 years and never once been on a training course. Tomorrow I start my first followed by another of Monday and a continuation on Tuesday. Golly.
So tomorrow's mind-bender is: Dreamweaver MX Introduction which starts with the opening topic of 'Understanding the Internet'. What? All of it?
Which reminds we of a (fairly weak) gag: How can you tell if an accountant is an extrovert? (wait for it...) He stares at your shoes. Yes. Well. I did warn you it was weak. Maybe I'll make a good accountant after all.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy... The radio series, that became a book, that became a TV series, has finally made it to the silver screen. The film version of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is faithful to author Douglas Adams' legacy. The trouble is it's simply not especially funny. Shame.
69 Things Every Gay Man Should Know... Oh, heaven save me. Someone seems to think I need dating help so sent me this Americanised cringe-worthy self-help advice for gay men. Shoot me. Someone. Please!
1- Paying for dinner doesn’t mean you’ve bought yourself some action in the sack. And just because he paid for dinner doesn’t mean you have to put out either… unless you really want to. - 2 - Never go to a movie on a first date. - 3 - Fresh breath is important, but never chew gum during a date. You’ll look like a cow. - 4 - If you spot a guy you like, don’t fix him with a fish-eye stare. Walk up and say “hello.” It’s better to give him the chance to show he’s disinterested rather than scaring him off because he thinks you’re a stalker. - 5 - Simultaneously be aware of people’s reputations, and yet understand that they are often undeserved. Avoiding a known “player” is good for those new to the scene, but as you grow more self-reliant, make your own assessments. - 6 - Never ask out the best friend, roommate and/or ex-lover of someone you have recently dated or are currently dating. Your reputation will be shot. - 7 - When you break up with someone, but you still want to hang out with him, do it in groups. And never hang out with him while you’re on a date with someone else. - 8 - Never go out with one guy, but go home with another. At least go through the motions of ending your first date. - 9 - Realize that the two of you won’t always agree on every subject. Just because you have an argument doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed to failure. There’s a big difference between arguing and fighting. - 10 - A double date does not mean asking out two guys at the same time. That is called a three-way. - 11 - Just because your boyfriend is out of town does not make it an “open relationship.” - 12 - Just because his boyfriend is out of town does not make it an “open relationship.” - 13 - If he says he’s in an open relationship, nine times out of ten, he’s lying. - 14 - No one is ever going to really leave their boyfriend for you. - 15 - Even the nicest guy has a sleazy side. - 16 - If his dick points up, suck him off 69-style. - 17 - Don’t lurk in the shadows to check out your blind date before you meet him. Be a man. Go up to him, shake his hand, and politely go through the motions. - 18 - If you don’t want to see him anymore after the first date, don’t say you’ll call him again. Instead, say “Thanks for a nice time. Have a good night.” If he asks you out again, say “No, but thank you for asking.” It’s easier than you think. - 19 - Never take a first date out with a group of your friends. He will feel excluded, and your friends will either embarrass you, try to marry the two of you, or flirt with him. - 20 - Don’t drag your friends into your dating traumas. Bouncing them back and forth between hating and accepting your partner will wear them out, and they may not be there later when you need support the most. - 21 - If you end up dating a guy you met in a bathhouse, online, or in the bushes, get your stories straight before introducing him to your family and friends. - 22 - Mr. Right could be anywhere. - 23 - Keep your word. Call when you say you are going to call. Show up when you say you are going to show up. Being “fashionably late” works only in Cukor movies. - 24 - Come out to everyone you can. Emotionally stable men are not closeted men. - 25 - Never assume. - 26 - Clean your place before a date as if he’s going to spend the night. - 27 - Spend more time grooming yourself before a date than you normally would. - 28 - Pay special attention to your shoes, fingernails and hair. - 29 - For god’s sake, wear clean underwear. Buy a new pack to be used only for special occasions. - 30 - Turn off the cell phone. If it rings, don’t answer it. Better yet, leave it at home. - 31 - Bring enough cash to cover dinner. There could be an unforeseen problem with your credit card. - 32 - First-date guys don’t want to hear about your crappy day. They want to hear how in control and confident you are. Save the bitch session for when you know each other better - maybe. - 33 - Think of stuff to talk about before he shows up. - 34 - “Erotica” is for snobs. It’s called pornography. Those in the porn biz are called performers, NEVER STARS - 35 - If you’re embarrassed about your porn collection, you aren’t ready to be having sex. - 36 - If he sneers at the very idea of pornography, he’s probably someone you don’t want to know. - 37 - On the other hand, some guys just don’t care for porn. Respect his preference. - 38 - Take a chance. It’s far better to be disappointed with how a situation turned out than to be disappointed in yourself for never trying. - 39 - Going to a karaoke bar for a date is problematic. On the one hand, you get to learn about each other’s taste in music, singing voice and poise in public. - 40 - Spend less time trying to meet Mr. Right and more time trying to be Mr. Right. - 41- If it really doesn’t work out with someone, forget about the “I just want to be friends” crap. It’s an insult to everyone’s intelligence. - 42 - Three dates does not make a boyfriend. - 43 - Learn to be happy alone. If you require constant companionship to be happy, you need a therapist, not a boyfriend. - 44 - Get over your gay guilt. If you can’t accept and value yourself for what you are, your dates will start to resemble binary black holes of emotional need. You can’t hate yourself and at the same time expect to find love. - 45 - Don’t date the straight. It seems sexy, it sounds glamorous, but just wait until you end up baby-sitting and changing diapers while he and his wife are on vacation. - 46 - Be less concerned with the length of man`s dick and more concerned with the strength of his spine. A strong backbone clearly separates the brain from the asshole. - 47 - If you’re interested in him, and don’t want to come on too strong, touching him gently on his shoulder or arm is the clearest signal you can send. - 48 - Some guys are simply jerks. There is no valid excuse for their actions, and there is no nice guy inside them screaming to get out. - 49 - Sometimes you will act like a jerk. When this happens, you have two choices: you can make excuses for your bad behavior, or you can be a man and apologize. Understand that he may not accept your apology. It’s more important that you made the effort. - 50 - Don’t assume he’s immature because he’s young. Don’t assume he’s emotionally mature because he’s older. - 51 - Self-effacement may indicate humility but a little of that goes a long way. Be self-confident and present yourself as attractive; just be able to laugh at yourself a little bit. - 52 - Self-confidence goes with anything. Everyone wants a self-confident man. - 53 - Newly-out men are not ready for a serious relationship. Remember how you felt when you came out? Were you ready for a serious commitment? He needs time to get used to the idea of being openly gay before he can commit, just like you did. - 54 - Read a book every so often. Go to comedy shows or plays. Pick up a magazine that you normally wouldn’t read. Don’t depend on small talk during a date—have a few conversation starters to maintain a comfortable flow. - 55 - Don’t monopolize the conversation, but also don’t depend on your date to carry the evening alone. Murmuring “uh-huh” periodically doesn’t make you a good listener. Take an active and supportive role in the exchange where you ask questions, respond with opinions and express interest. 56 - Interracial dating can carry the specter of feelings assumed or left unsaid. Get this out in the open as you become more comfortable with each other. Pay attention to what kinds of issues, ideas and jokes are trigger points for disagreement. Realize that the special understanding you develop with that particular person may not extend to everyone else. - 57 - Men are innately competitive. Be careful about trying to one-up each other. No one likes a guy who has always done something more exciting and been somewhere better. There are better uses for a mouth than bragging. - 58 - Don’t rate him solely based on a single date. Some men are more comfortable one-on-one, and clam up in a crowd. - 59 - Mr. Perfect is a myth. Mr. Perfect is a myth. Mr. Perfect is a myth. You will never find someone who satisfies all your criteria and who is flawless under any circumstance. If you believe you’re dating Mr. Perfect, you are either deceiving yourself or you are dangerously low in self-esteem. - 60 - A homosexual orientation is not an automatic indication of taste, class or intelligence. - 61 - Very good-looking men come with their own special set of problems and insecurities. Don’t assume he’s taken because he’s attractive. And don’t assume he’s a snob because he’s beautiful. - 62 - If he turns you down for a date, it doesn’t necessarily mean there’s something wrong with you. It could simply be he wasn’t interested. - 63 - Save the words “I love…” for people and pets. Loving everything is a sign of severe neediness. - 64 - If it’s over, it’s over. You can’t bargain your way out of being dumped. Although second chances sometimes work out for the best, third and fourth chances never do. Instead, try being alone for a while. - 65 - Just because he’s fantastic in bed does not necessarily mean he’s in love with you. - 66 - Stop assuming every guy you meet is a potential husband. This is a special brand of self-torture. Have your fantasies if you must, but let him be who he is, and give yourself a break. It’s not your fault if he isn’t Mr. Right. - 67 - No, all of the good men aren’t taken. Where have you been looking? - 68 - In a world full of guys, there are very few men. Learn to tell the difference and commit to being the better of the two. - 69 - You can`t really change anyone, and no one can really change you, but you can be deceived into believing both.