Quote Of The Day

"Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake - Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower (1887-1956)"

Friday, December 29, 2006

The Top 10 Weirdest gadgets of 2006...

It's been one of those years when technology came on in leaps and bounds. Around the world, thousands of pointy-headed scientists and product designers beavered away in high-security laboratories, investing time, money and effort to create... more silly USB gadgets. Yes, 2006 has been the year when gadgets got a bit ridiculous. And it wasn't just USB devices either. Here's overyourhead's pick of the year's gadgets that got me chuckling, frightened, or just scratching my head in bafflement.

1. Gupi the robot guinea pig Complete with his animatronic carrot and 30 different sounds (most of which are presumably a variation on "WeeEEEeeeEE!"). Read more

2. The BeerBelly Released in time for the World Cup earlier in the year, this gave footie fans a false beer-belly full of, yes, beer. Complete with a rubber tube to suck the booze through. Read more

3. Solar-powered insect theatre This eco-gadget isn't that silly, actually. It stores power in the day, then lights up at night to attract moths and butterflies for you to watch. Their version of Hamlet is a bit rubbish, mind. Read more

4. LumiGram fibre optic clothing Scared you won't stand out from the crowd at your office Chrimbo party? How about clothing with fibre optics inside for a shimmery effect? Nigel from Accounts will love it. Read more

5. Froot Loop cereal bowl light Very strange indeed. Dip your spoon into this bowl of Froot Loops, and it lights up. What are Froot Loops anyway? Read more

6. Geek-a-cycle It's a reclining exercise bike hooked up to a computer desk, ensuring you can spend four hours a night updating your Blog or MySpace page and have Calves of Steel. At last! Read more

7. USB pole dancer For the man (or woman) who likes their desk to have a classy vibe. She's an eight-inch bikini-clad blonde, who dances on a lit-up podium. Nice. Read more

8. Fatman referee suit Should become standard issue in Premiership grounds next season. Read more

9. Crazy Frog karaoke mic Somewhere, in a company boardroom, someone actually had the idea of teaching The Kids to sing Crazy Frog songs better. Strewth. Read more

10. Spray-on condom Safe sex in a can! And gives you a choice of strengths and colours. Possibly good for preserving courgettes for a few more days in the fridge, too. Read more

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Doctor Who / Torchwood News...

Captain Jack ties the knot.
Torchwood will have a season two.
Doctor battles Daleks in New York .

Oh, and although it's not been officially announced yet, David Tennant is leaving as the good Doctor. He's finishing off season three and next year's Xmas special and then he'll be gone by mid-season four. And replaced by... (Robert Carisle? Neil Morrisey?)

Money Saving Expert...

Having spent all your money over Xmas this might be useful, a great money saving web site with no ads.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Liver Damage...

I wrote this email to my friend Marcus who is holidaying in Key West and rereading it I was struck by how much I've been drinking of late. I think my New Year's resolution should be to give up. Or at least cut down. Don't you?

Hi Marcus,

Sounds like you're having a wail of a time in Key West. Is Normal still hanging round?

Xmas for me has been rather low key (ish). My choice.

On Thursday I popped out for quick beer with Stuart on the South Bank but ended up in the Eddie at 3am singing Xmas carols...

On Friday I popped out for a quick beer with Sparky (who doesn't drink)... but 11 hours later I was bouncing around South Central at Chunks Xmas Party wondering quite when Topping And Butch were going to end... I blame Frank for leading me astray.

On Saturday I went to the match. After a pre-match pint or two 'natch. We thumped Blackburn 6-2. I had a quiet night in after. Honest.

On Sunday I was back in the pub. Comptons at 1pm to be precise to have a swift beer with mates who where heading off home for Xmas. By 10pm I was drunkenly slurring my words at The Kings Arms and staggered home and passed out on my bed fully clothed.

On Monday I believe it was Xmas Day. It was a bit of a haze. I picked S up in the evening and we had a lovely evening together. Dr Who was fab. Moderate drinking.

On Tuesday I went to my parents for the day (and night). Needless to say there was alcohol involved to oil the wheels.

It's Wednesday today. Tonight I'm off to Amateur Strip at the White Swan. Can't imagine I won't be drinking.

I think my liver needs a holiday.


Sunday, December 24, 2006

Arsenal 6-2 Blackburn...

I took James to the game on Saturday. And what a game it was. Delightful football from start to finish. Eight goals to savour. For us we had: Silva 10, Hleb 23, Adebayor 27 (pen), Van Persie 85, 88 and Flamini 90.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Snow, Snow. Thick, Thick Snow...

For an Xmas message click here: A Happy Xmas to All My Readers

Saint Etienne Xmas Party...

Last night Stu, David, Jason et al piled down to the Queen Elizabeth Hall foyer to see an evening's entertainment laid on by Saint Etienne - a sort of Xmas party. Firstly we were treated to the Tom Cawley Trio playing jazzy Christmas classics to the back-projection of Charlie Brown and Peanuts Christmas Specials. Then we had a screening of a little seen game-show from game-show Hell: Star Quality 'starring' Giles Brandreth. After that we had super-star DJ Sheila B (playing amongst other things one of my favourite tracks Lio's Le Banana Split). The night finished with Saint Etienne themselves performing a number of Xmas standards including of course their own I Was Born On Christmas Day. Oh, and we all got an exclusive, specially-recorded two track CD of 21st Century Christmas (yes, the Cliff song) and Through The Winter. Fab.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Want to sound like Madonna?...

A new service from Synchro Arts, better known for its professional audio work in the film industry, will take your voice and attempt to change the pitch, tone, and timing to match a wide range of popular songs.

The idea is to have a popular song reproduced with your own voice as your phone ringtone, and the technology is impressive – even more so in that it will run on a standard PC. The download is 34MB, and you'll need to register first, but then you just sing along in best karaoke fashion, and once you're done the software tries its best to make the whole thing sound sensible and in tune. It also offers to do the whole thing over the phone, but using a PC gives you more options for trying different tunes and hearing how well the system works. The resulting ringtone will set you back £1.50, though many are free as an introductory offer, and playing with the software on a PC to see how it fares is also free.

So for some Christmas afternoon silliness, nothing beats singing to your computer - just make sure you're alone when you do it!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Matthew Bourne: Swan Lake...

Last night Stu treated me to a night at the ballet. And Christmas just wouldn't be Christmas without a Matthew Bourne ballet at Sadler's Wells. If you've never experienced the thoroughly festive flurry of feathers and toned torsos that constitute his all-male Swan Lake, then miss out no longer. The 11-year-old production, which feels as fresh as ever, returns to the Rosebery Avenue theatre as part of its current world tour. The dancers' incredible athleticism is enhanced by Lez Brotherston's cartoonish sets and Bourne's own trademark extraordinary, witty choreography. It's enough to turn the most hardened characters into wannabe Billy Elliots.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Going Dutch...

A little while ago Paul and I went out for dinner. And there was something on the end of the bill I'd never seen before. An automatic calculation (plus 12.5% tip, 'natch) of how much we each owed. How dinky. Saves all that bother of, "who has a calculator on their phone?" BTW the Holy Basil was glorious.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Drink To Me Only With Thine Eyes...

What a busy weekend. Friday I met up with Myrtle for a spot of Xmas shopping. Terts, Samuel and Wo-wo came along too which made it just perfect. We all went for a boozy lunch first in the Hog and Pound and so soon got most of the dastardly deed done. Then Friday night I joined Stu for his works Xmas party drinks in the White Hart - we got completely slaughtered and after throwing everything on the fire we could lay our hands left singing Pearl's a Singer and Downtown at the top of our voices all the way home. And then some. Saturday was the game in the afternoon with Mark and a sore head and then Stu cooked me a lovely dinner and I fell asleep watching Amelia with my head in his lap. Sunday we were off again - this time to deepest, darkest Essex. Chigwell to be exact. "They eat their own", said Drew. True enough. There we enjoyed Xmas dinner for twenty-five with a big bunch of Stu's friends. It was great fun. Even Father Christmas turned up - although he needed a bit of help in the Gents before hand. After stuffing ourselves silly we headed back into town to the Tower Of London moat where we joined les Lez - Emma, Carolina, Jane and Soph - to go ice skating. Warning to the wise: don't ice skate half-cut. After that we had another swifty in Wetherspoons and then home for some much needed sleep (and drying out!). Here are some snaps of us on the ice.

Arsenal 2-2 Portsmouth...

We were two goals down after a dismal first half but pulled back to level pegging thanks to Emmanuel Adebayor (the only footballer with eBay in his name) and Gilberto Silva. Phew! Mark seemed to enjoy it as much as I did.

Friday, December 15, 2006

The Shat hits the fan...

Next Tuesday 19th Dec at 10pm on Five US (you get that, right?) is the magnificent show that is the Roast of William Shatner. It hilarious.

Friends, colleagues and comedians roast Star Trek and Boston Legal star William Shatner in front of a celebrity audience. It's two hours of the man behind Captain Kirk and TJ Hooker being insulted and ridiculed. Sandra Bullock, Ben Stiller, Leonard Nimoy, George Takei, Nichelle Nichols et al.

One of the funniest is Lisa Lampanelli (warning: very rude and very funny):

Brain Teaser Answers...

1. Bermuda Triangle

2. 27, the children are 9, 7 and 2.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Brain Teasers...

1. What is represented by these letters?

2. I have three children. One is the same age as the first number in my age, another is the same age as the second number in my age, and the third is the same age as the sum of the two numbers in my age. None of the children are the same age and the total of our ages is 45. How old am I?

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Ice Skating...

Last night me and a bunch of the gals from work went ice skating at the Natural History Museum. Great fun. Naturally we took some snaps.
Notice the dead animal on my back

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Marc Almond Top Thirty...

Ben over at the Marc chat section of the Marc Almond & Soft Cell Message Board is compiling a top 100 list of favourite Marc songs. You can submit you own top 30 as a contribution. So here's mine:

3.You Have
6.I Created Me
7.Say Hello, Wave Goodbye
8.A Woman's Story
9.Loving You Hating Me
11.Tainted Love
12.St Judy
13.Tenderness Is A Weakness
14.If You Go Away
15.Black Heart
16.Child Star
17.Insecure Me
19.Ruby Red
20.The Boy Who Came Back
21.Mother Fist
22.Caroline Says
23.Broken Hearted & Beautiful
24.Ruby Red
25.When Bad People Kiss
26.Stories of Johnny
28.Tenderness is a Weakness
29.Self Control
30.Kitchen Sink Drama

Monday, December 11, 2006


It's been a busy weekend just gone. Work Xmas Party... fighting off a cold... fighting off some monkeys... catching fish... herding goats... horse riding... magic swords... see my early riser here.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Early Adopter...

I've been up since 5:30am this morning too excited to sleep. I've been pulling all the cables out from behind my TV. I've been sorting out a spare power socket, running an extra CAT5 cable to my main switch and installing a new baby hub. All this in the wee small hours for in the hour I'll have my small Wii. Hurry up and open, Game!

Thursday, December 07, 2006


"Hold the remote securely and avoid excessive motion during game play. If your hands become moist, stop and dry your hands." Or so it says here. I'll be queuing at 7am tomorrow.

Kiki and Herb at The Reindeer...

Last Friday Stu, Sparky, Marcus and I went to see Kiki and Herb at The Reindeer theatre down Brick Lane way.

It was a great show - we laughed and laughed. New material (for them) and a level of shock that caused at least four people to walk out; Christmas, AIDS, cancer and eco-politics all got the K&H treatment. If you have the chance, go see.

London to Brighton...

Last night Stu and I went to see the urban 'thriller' London to Brighton in London's glitzy West End. "It's 3:07am and two girls burst into a run down toilet. Joanne is crying her eyes out and her clothing is ripped. Kelly's face is bruised and starting to swell. Duncan Allen lies in his bathroom bleeding to death. Duncan's son, Stuart, has found his father and wants answers. Derek, Kelly's pimp, needs to find Kelly or it will be him who pays. Kelly and Joanne need to get through the next 24 hours alive..." And so it limps onto the screen. Hard-hitting might be a good way of describing it. Might be. But we didn't think so. Predictable is what it was. Not so much full of plot twists as plot turns. Next!

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Fay and Andy's Wedding...

On Sunday Stu and I went to Fay and Andy's wedding in Hatfield Heath. Fay looked absolutely beautiful. The church was amazing. The reception was fabulous. And the happy couple looked... well... very happy! Many of Stu's friends were there and we had a great time eating, drinking, dancing and laughing. There are a few snaps below. You can see the full set here.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006


Stu, Sparky and I went to see Shortbus on Saturday night. Hard core film with a soft heart. Go see.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Morocco in Pictures...

There are a few snaps from our Morocccan trip. You can see the full set here.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Arsenal 3-0 Tottenham...

A fantastic game on Saturday. Full of drama and controversy and goals. Amazing atmosphere as you might expect from a Derby.

Friday, December 01, 2006

The Moor The Merrier...

We travelled back from the coast yesterday afternoon. A pleasant enough trip that was royally marred by the taxi driver on the last leg. He quoted 4 times the going rate and then insisted on taking us to a place we can specifically asked him not to go. We knew the route. But he knew what we was doing of course. His mate was waiting for us at this unwanted drop off point to act as a 'guide' to our riad. I was furious and came out with French swear words I thought I'd long forgotten. I think our thieving driver was quite shocked! I don't like being taken for a ride. Literally or otherwise.

Tip to the visitor: be careful of taxi drivers. Don't stand still in a souk or you'll be pestered and never ask for directions without being expected to pay for the information. Maybe I just have one of those faces that says mug.

Anyway last night was our last night so we treated ourselves to a meal at Foundouk (as recommended by Paul, Time Out, Flo and Mike). And very nice it was too. Flo joined us and we chewed the cultural fat. Nice woman.

We are just off to the airport now for what will hopefully be a smooth flight home. To see my beloved - who I have probably missed more than I care to admit.

Then tonight I've got Sparky staying over and he, Stu, Marcus and I are off to the Reindeer in Brick Lane to see Kiki and Herb. Can't wait.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

A Little Bit Moor...

It was our last night in Essaouira so Simon and I decided to do a spot of shopping. A couple of nic-nacs to remind us of our trip. We had sort of put this off until the last minute because of the afore mentioned fear of haggling. Would we be taken for fools or indeed simply make fools of ourselves?

Shopkeeper number one immediately went on the charm offensive as we approached. He smiled. He welcomed us in. Sat us down. Let us sample all his wares Made us tea. And joked about England, football and Morocco. And before we knew where we were we were ordering this, that and the other paying his asking price. He did thrown in something for free but I think that was because he was feeling sorry for us. We were new to this game. D'oh!

Shopkeeper number two I was more wary. I ignored his offers of seating and tea. And I had a trick. I asked the price of something. Then offered a slightly lower price. When he looked doubtful I said I'd buy four (yes, four) of them at that price. He looked bemused and then beamed and the deal was done. I walked away with the distinct impression that I can caved in way to early and been fleeced again. Double-d'oh!

The final shopkeeper we bought from was a woman. She flirted outrageously from start to finish in full collusion with a man who was hovering all the time, presumably her husband. But they were in for a surprise. I'd wised up by that point to the shopkeepers' tricks (twelve hungry children to support, dying mother and father, sick goat etc.) and found her flirting funny rather than beguiling. I also had two big advantages - I was happy to walk away if the price wasn't right (a trump card believe me) and unbeknownst to them I understood what the woman and man were saying to each other while we haggled. They were asking each other in French whether they needed to go lower or not to secure the deal. They didn't realise I spoke French but at a crucial impasse in the to-ing and fro-ing when they saw me looking at their lips and suspected I might understand them they switched to Arabic. Ha! Those three months of Arabic classes I took earlier this year paid off handsomely. I understood them. You should have seen the look on their faces after the deal was done when I thanked them for their business first in French and then in Arabic! As I paid I remarked how I felt I had still been robbed blind (I had only got them down to half their original price), but at least I'd been robbed by the most beautiful woman in the souk. They laughed. You see, I can flirt too missus!

Wednesday, November 29, 2006


How Can I Love You Moor...

Essaouira is a nice place but I wouldn't exactly say that there's a lot to do. We'd done the port. We'd done the ramparts (Orson Welles shot Othello there in 1949 dontchaknow?) We'd done the souks and we'd done the Medina. We'd even done the wretched Mellah. So what else was there to do? Oh yes. I know... Let's go quad biking. And we did. Three bum-numbing hours of it. On road and off, down track, up hill, down slope, through rough river, onto scrub land, over beach and into the desert. And very fast it was too. I actually managed to get all four wheels off ground (twice) over some dunes. Just like the banana splits. Great fun.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Haggle, hassle and hustle...

There are three things that your either hate or simply tolerate in Morocco; the haggling, the hassling and the hustling.

Everyone likes a bargain but no one wants to feel ripped off. When you express interest in buying something a Moroccan trader might start his pitch at say 400% of what he's eventually likely to accept. OK it can be fun beating him down but at the same time you are always left with that nagging doubt that you have paid well over the odds no matter what the final agreement. Haggling is part of life in Morocco but it can actually put you off buying things in the first place. I longed for shops with prices on display so at least I could make a purchase fully aware that I paying through the nose rather than being uncertain.

In a recent poll 90% of first time visitors said that they would not come back to Morocco due to the hassle they got on the street. You take turn into a street and, "English? English! Come this way. This way here. HERE. My brother's shop. Beautiful leather. This way, sir. Hey, 'fish and chips', come this way" etc. You manage to shake him but a few steps further on it starts again "English? English! Come this way." Grrr. Sometimes young guys would just start walking next to you talking at you and then demand money saying they had been your guide. And demand they did, quite forcefully. The famous 'tourism police' were nowhere to be seen. It actually made going out on the street, especially in Marrakech, at best a trial and at worst a pain in the bum. A hassle we didn't really need.

And finally, Moroccans hustle. It's what they do. Hustling as tour guides, as cultural advisors, as taxi drivers, for friendship, for sex, to supply drugs - you name it. Moroccans are up for hire. And nearly all tourists are seen as fair game to hustle to. On the street, in a shop, at the airport, in hamams, at the port, in a bar - we were approached. And despite being fully aware of the abject poverty here we turned them down. It just didn't seen right. And whatsmore we were a little afraid.

Monday, November 27, 2006

This Charming Man...

Our last afternoon in Marrakech was an eventful one. Simon got draped in snakes by a snake charmer. I'm none to keen on them myself so didn't take too kindly to him trying to sneak one round my neck. The swine.

We settled for lunch in a posh hotel by a pool where we bumped into the blond one from Hippies/Green Wing.

About mid afternoon we were collected by our taxi and hurtled on the three hour assault course that is the road to Essaouira. It was like sitting on a pneumatic drill inside a tumble dryer speeding at 80 miles an hour through a desert while trying to dodge mid-'road' goats. Best done with eyes firmly closed.

Arrive we did though and checked in to our spacious riad. I had the roof terrace with a commanding view of the port and beach.

Today we walked around the port itself, checked out the salty seamen and walked the ramparts.

More exploring tomorrow no doubt.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

How Do You Like It? (Moor Moor Moor)...

Simon and I arrived Friday on the bumpiest flight imaginable. The winds were only just this side of a typhoon and needless to say I panicked big time. When we eventually made our first stop in Casablanca I was a bundle of nerves. By the time we crashed down in Marrakech I was in need major alcoholic therapy.

We were picked up at the airport about 9:30pm by taxi driver Mohammed (plus son) and dropped off at the edge of the Medina. Our lovely hostess, Flo, then picked us up from the edge of the Medina city wall and took us to our fabulous riad. Spacious, cool (in every sense), central and all ours. Kicked back and we chillaxed.

Later on we ventured out to Jemaa El Fna, the main open space in Marrakech, to seek food and entertainment. And we found both in a bizarre carnival of local life; singers, dancers, tradesmen, food stalls, magicians, costumed acrobats, storytellers... Quite amazing and quite surreal.

On Saturday morning we got up to be greeted by a lovely breakfast prepared by our maid (we have a maid?) and Flo offering us invaluable tourist advice Loins suitably girded we ventured out to see Ben Youssef Medersa (an old Koranic school), Musee de Marrakech (complete with Close Encounters mothership lantern) and Koubba El Badiyin (the last surviving structure from the founding fathers of Marrakech, the Almoravids).

Then we headed south to get (intentionally) lost in the labyrinthine souks. We perhaps didn't intend to get quite as lost as we did but it was fun happening upon crazy market after crazy market accompanied by each fresh assault on the senses.

We settled on Café De Epices for lunch and then headed back to the riad for a bit of shut eye barely avoiding the impending downpour.

The rain was pretty relentless until just before we scrubbed up and were ready to head out the door.

And head we did - straight to Comptoir - the chic/sheikh place to be seen/scene. The food was good. The wine was fine. The place chaotic. The belly-dancers had perhaps seen better days but it was fun. I had the distinct impression that the place had reimported Moroccan chic back from places like Buddha Bar.

We fell in with some other visitors at the next table (Yankee stylist Catherine, just 'so' James and Helen who it turns out lives in my road at 106. No, really. Small world!)

Today we are nursing slight hangovers and planning on a bit more sightseeing before taxing over to Essaouira for four days.

Friday, November 24, 2006


This afternoon I'm off on holiday for a week or so. To Morocco. It's a bit of a last minute thing as I only decided last week but I've got some annual leave to use up and I've never been to Morocco.

I'm going with my mate Simon; firstly to Marrakech (staying at Dar Saria) and then on to Essaouira (staying at Riad Gyvo).

I don't quite know what to expect - which is half the fun really I guess.

The Fratellis...

Last night Drew and I went to the Union Chapel to the Little Noise Sessions presented by Jo Whiley in aid of Mencap. The Fratellis were on supported by The View and Mohair.

The Fratellis were good - playing their entire album - all the hits and (no) more. The View however were excellent. More of them please.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Champagne Charlies...

Stu, Paul and I met up with Bryn last night. She was over from the States for a flying visit so we all decided to go out for a drink. And a bite to eat. And another drink. And then we ended up in Kettner's champagne bar knocking back £70 bottles of shampoo like it was going out of fashion. My life. We were slaughtered! Great fun though if a little testy on the old bank balance. And it was great to see Bryn again after four and half years. I remember only too well her and Larissa turning up at my office on my fortieth birthday dressed as show-girls.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Arsenal 3-1 Hamburg...

It was a bit of a rush to get home for the game last night what with the Victoria Line being up the spout again but what a game it was. 1-0 down after just four minutes was a shocking way to start but we played a commendable first half. However after half-time we really showed them how the game is played. So now Arsenal only need to avoid defeat in Porto on Matchday Six in order to reach the Knockout Stages of the Champions League.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Catch-Up TV...

Did you see Torchwood on Sunday? Oh. My. God. The warning of explicit gore at the start was dead right. It was called Countrycide and it was gruesome. And the fruity language made us gasp. The BBC do horror very well. Watch the repeat on Wednesday at 9pm on BBC2 if you dare.

Then there was the new season of Lost. Fab. Fab. Fab. After such a disappointing Season 1 ending and a completely fabulous Season 2 I wasn't quite sure if I could stomach the move from E4 / Channel 4 to Sky. But I needn't have worried. The first double episode of Season 3 was a corker. And "Downtown" was fabulous. Drew is hooked too now. So there goes the next 26 weeks.

Microsoft Firefox 2007 Professional Edition...

The open source community is in a state of shock this morning at the news that Microsoft has released a version of popular browser Firefox.

Very amusing.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Rate My Teacher...

It is perhaps a law suit waiting to happen, but can you find one of your own on this rate my teacher web site? Telling it like it is kids.

Arsenal 1-1 Newcastle...

I took Drew to the Emirates on Saturday to see Arsenal take on Newcastle. We were by far the better team which sadly wasn't reflected in the final score.

Friday, November 17, 2006

UK's Top 100 Best Selling Albums...

1. Queen, Greatest Hits (5,407,587)
2. The Beatles, Sgt Pepper (4,803,292)
3. Oasis, What's The Story Morning Glory (4,304,504)
4. Dire Straits, Brothers In Arms (3,946,931)
5. Abba, Gold Greatest Hits (3,932,316)
6. Pink Floyd, The Dark Side of The Moon (3,759,958)
7. Queen, Greatest Hits II (3,631,321)
8. Michael Jackson, Thriller (3,570,250)
9. Michael Jackson, Bad (3,549,950)
10. Madonna, The Immaculate Collection (3,364,785)
[Thanks BBC]

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Marc Almond Finshes New Album...

Marc Almond finishes recording his new album this week. Stardom Road is a collection of covers chosen by the former Soft Cell frontman to tell his life story. "It consists of my favourite songs by other people and will be released in January," he says.

Produced by Tris Penna, the album also features Antony Hegarty of Antony and the Johnsons, Jools Holland and St Etienne's Sarah Cracknell, who duets with Almond on the Dusty Springfield song I Close My Eyes and Count to Ten.

Almond's next project sounds even more ambitious: "I'm also working on an album of the songs of Russian gypsy romance singer and dissident Vadim Kozin."

[Thanks Guardian]

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Sick Jokes...

Warning: Do not read on if easily offended! You have been warned!

You might like to think of comedy as being a spectrum. Ranging from subtle shades of light pink humour at one end through to gentle irony, satire, parody, saracasm, 'alternative' humour, blue humour and on to physical comedy and broad slap stick at the other.

Sick jokes sit right in the middle of this spectrum. They are indeed a classic form of humour. But just not to everyones taste.

At their basic level many forms of humour aim to surprise. The punchline. The prestige. But a sick joke goes further, it aims to shock. Say the unsayable. Think the unthinkable. "Oh My God, did you really say that? (that was just what I was thinking but didn't dare say it)". These jokes can say things we just can't. They can confirm (or indeed puncture) prejudices and stereotypes. They can provide a touchstone to modern thinking. They can attack it and they can nuture it. The sick joke is not constrained like other things. It is free. Free to tell it like it is. Or isn't.

Although the humour behind a sick joke comes mainly from the shock value, a good sick joke goes one stage further and is shocking and funny. Sick jones tend to be short too. The conciseness often adds to the impact. In addition the sick jokes needs a strong and often plain ridiculousness mental image. These can frankly be as bizarre as you like and are often utterly surreal.

People's responses to sick jokes however are rather more predictable. They laugh, gasp and reply with "Nooooooo! That's terrible!" - but secretly want to know if you know any more.

I will give just two examples of sick jokes to illustrate my point. Both cruel, unnecessary. But very, very funny.

Q: What do you do when a dead baby washes up on shore?
A: Try to hide your erection.

Q: What was Princess Diana's favourite brand of shampoo?
A: Head & Shoulders. They know because they found hers on the dashboard.

For further reading the wonderful Rob Manuel of b3ta has compiled a sick jokes web site and a bumper book of sick jokes book. A must for any Christmas stocking I'd have thought.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

The Traffic Poles vs The Morons...

Ever wondered what those poles that go up and down in the road to block traffic are for? Watch this and then you'll know. Very funny.
[Thanks Rog]

Friday, November 10, 2006

Off the Horizon...

Did a recent Horizon program called Human v2.0 really claim that a computer equal to the human brain might come around in 20 years?

Given that one of the world's biggest, richest companies takes five years of frantic work to get a facelift and a few bells and whistles on it's aging O/S, I'd say that is verging on the ridiculous. Let's hope the artificial brain doesn't need a new database file system, eh?

Hello Sailor...

The Maritime Museum in Liverpool has an exhibition currently running called Hello Sailor. I look at gay life on the ocean waves.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

I'm A Celebrity is back...with z-listers galore...

Clear your diaries and take your phones off the hook, I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here is back on our screens - and the stars of the show are more desperate than ever.

After weeks of backbiting, infighting, agents screaming 'more money', and whittled-down wishlists of names who have made more tabloids headlines than any other this year, a final ten have emerged.

Ingrid Tarrant turned down £150,000 to spend two weeks in the Australian jungle when she might have - ITV bosses had hoped - spill all on her marriage break-down. David Hasselhoff similarly refused £175,000 to speak of his.

Yet under-pressure ITV bosses still managed to come up with a pretty formidable list of misfits, oddballs, wannabees and has-beens. Perhaps most noteworthy among them are David Gest, the bizarre-looking and long-suffering former husband of Liza Minnelli, Lauren Booth, the outspoken sister-in-law of our own premier (most uncomfortably for Tony on the issue of invading Iraq), and every middle-aged man's dream date, former newsreader Jan Leeming.

Making up the 'totty' - as presenters Ant 'n' Dec will most probably refer to them - are former popstar Myleene Klass and Footballers' Wives actress Phina Oruche.

Male totty on the show might be assumed to include Jason Donovan, the former popstar, soapstar and West End star who also - quite significantly - dated Kylie Minogue who beat breast cancer this year.

Matt Willis from the boyband Busted will also provide a little eye-candy for female viewers, and he will no doubt - ITV bosses will again be hoping - speak about his precarious relationship with drink and recent spell at The Priory. Producers evidently rate Gest and Donovan the highest - they are both taking home £100,000 just to turn up.

Insiders say Gest has been told the stint on the show will 're-ignite his career' here in the UK. A guest appearance on a soap for him is also being negotiated.

Veteran comedienne and impersonator Faith Brown, flamboyant designer Scott Henshall and failed television presenter Toby Anstis make up the numbers.

But perhaps the most interesting - in the same way winner Carol Thatcher was last year - is Lauren Booth. Booth, a journalist and mother-of-two, claims not to know for sure whether Tony and Cherie knew that she was taking part in the series. She said: "I presume they know. And I am sure Tony will be saying 'eat maggots...eat maggots'."

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Gay Dave is Carnival Queen...

David Bridge, 15, brushed off warnings about harassment he might face for entering in a contest in drag to be the Blackberry Carnival queen in Axbridge, Somerset. And surprise, surprise he won - beating three girls. How gutted must they be feeling? David, now going under the name of Darius, said, "It’s important to show you don’t have to be in London to dress up as a gay or in drag costume."

I love the cliche quote that appeared in The Sun, "...we can’t believe it. It’s political correctness gone mad."

Brain Teaser Answers...

1. Square Dance

2. I will be 35: I am currently 21.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Brain Teasers...

1. What is represented by these letters?


2. My current age, is the age of my brother, who is 14, plus one third of my age. How old will I be when my brother is twice his current age?

Von Trapp leaves Sound of Music...

Actor Simon Shepherd has withdrawn from Andrew Lloyd Webber's West End production of The Sound Of Music just nine days before the opening night. And I think we all know what "mutual agreement" means. Bye bye Simon.

Monday, November 06, 2006

The Sound Of Music...

On Friday Stuart took me to go and see The Sound Of Music at the London Palladium. Yes, Andrew Lloyd-Weber's much anticipated production of the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical has finally had it's first night. And the verdict? Very much worth the wait.

Connie Fisher is simply delightful. Sounding and looking chillingly like Julie Andrews she wowed us with her voice, her dancing and her acting. Having won the role of Maria through BBC1's Saturday night show How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? hopes were high. And she has delivered big time. During Do-Re-Mi I had tears running down my cheeks.

Sadly Simon Shepherd playing the captain was poor but all the kids were great. As expected veteran belter Leslie Garrett as the Mother Abbess stole each and every scene she was in.

Highly recommended.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Wednesday, November 01, 2006


Last Friday Margaret, Hayley, Molly and I went to the galley in Dover Street at lunchtime to do some Marmite Art. Or Marmart as it's known. We had great fun mucking around with toast and bread and squeeable marmite. Linda Barker was on hand to help. Great fun. I did a Micky Mouse and a picture of Stu. You can see all the pix we took by clicking here or click on any of the pix below for a bigger version.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Happy Hallowe'en...

Arsenal 1-1 Everton ...

Sarah and I went to see the game on Saturday. Great to show Sarah the Emirates Stadium. Shame we were so frustrated on the pitch though. Oh well. Next time.

Monday, October 30, 2006


I'm back in Rijswijk now for four days this week on business. Bah!


Stu took me to see Wicked at the Apollo Victoria Theatre last Friday.

Wicked it wasn't. Technically impressive but just lame. Shame.

Friday, October 27, 2006


Hey, do you dress up your pet all funny for Hallowe'en? No, I thought not. So pity these poor kits and mutts. I have to say I did spit my tea out with laughter at some of them though. See all of them by clicking here.

[Thanks Andrew]

Thursday, October 26, 2006

BT Digital Vault...

BT have finally launched their digital vault service. I had been testing their business version a couple of years back and they had promised a consumer one was to come. The vault is basically a free hosted storage service (2Gb for free or 20Gb for £4.99 a month) with a web interface for uploading files in the free version and a backup program (for PC only so far) for the paid-for version. It's a great way of storing/backing up files/music/photos off site in case your PC crashes.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Mad About the Boys...

On Saturday Stu, Sparky and I went to see the film of Alan Bennett's The History Boys. Part school days nostalgia trip, part gay-themed drama.

And boy did it bring back memories; being at a boys school, A-level results, gay teachers, 7th term Oxbridge entrance study, the pressure from the Head, the exam and the Oxbridge interview.

It's a great film and definitely recommended viewing. Hey, if a film can pull off a scene entirely in French, challenge you to sympathise with casual paedophilia, make you think and make you laugh it gets my vote.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006


I got a call from Sparky on Friday, he was coming up to London so of course I invited him to stay over. We spent the day together on Saturday roaming around book stores and "new" Brunswick Centre (lick of paint, anyone?). He also joined Stu and me for dinner and a trip to the movies. Lovely to see him and he's looking very well.

Monday, October 23, 2006


CSI:Cardiff Torchwood started last night on BBC Three and BBC HD. A double-header. And it was fab. The first episode was a bit of a scene-setter so perhaps didn't have quite the impact of the second. But things really kicked off in episode two. A sex-crazed alien was on the loose (sci-fi and sex go so well together) so before long we were treated to a full-on shag in a club toilet. And a security guard wanking off while he watched. And later girl-on-girl snogging. And man-on-man snogging. And a threesome (two men and a woman). And a bisexual lead. And a gay wanker in a fertility clinic. Oh and another alien. And dozens of people getting killed. And on screen blood, guts and gore. And alien technology. And lots of humour. And that BBC feel to everything. And great music. It was sort of Dr Who with sex. Marvelous.

Not without it's faults, but as you can tell I loved it.

Here's some blurb about the series for those unacquainted:

Torchwood is a British television science fiction and crime drama created by Russell T. Davies and starring John Barrowman and Eve Myles dealing with the machinations and activities of the fictional Torchwood Institute. An initial 13-part series was commissioned by the BBC as a spin-off from the long-running science fiction series Doctor Who.

An in-house BBC Wales production for digital television station BBC Three, it is the first television spin-off of Doctor Who since the unsuccessful pilot of K-9 and Company in 1981 and the first to be commissioned for a full series. The Canadian network CBC is co-producer of the series, with exclusive rights to broadcast the North American premiere of the show.

The title "Torchwood" is an anagram of "Doctor Who". (The name was used as the "codename" for the new series of Who while filming its first few episodes, and the name was subsequently used in the series, leading to this spin-off.) BBC Wales Head of Drama Julie Gardner serves as executive producer alongside Davies. Torchwood premiered on October 22, 2006 at 9pm BST on BBC Three and was followed immediately by episode two. According to the website of John Barrowman, who plays Jack, the series is to be repeated on BBC Two every Wednesday at 9pm BST. This is confirmed by the Radio Times.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Lost and Found on Sky One...

So Sky have bought seasons three and four of Lost in the UK. Like 24 before it, that'll probably kill it. The "previously on Lost" videos for season three on the Lost web site do look good though... Hey ho. Roll on Ugly Betty.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Monty Python's Spamalot...

Last night Stuart, Paul, Ian and I went to see Monty Python's Spamalot at the Palace Theatre in London's glitzy West End.

It was bit like going to see a late night Rocky Horror Picture Show screening; there was Tim Curry on there on stage, we had people dressed as Monty Python character's sitting behind us (a knight, a man in a white rabbit suit, a peasant etc) and many of the audience shouted out the lines of the more famous sketches before the actors did. It all had the feeling of a (very expensive) end of term show. With drunks in the audience. A sort of pantomime.

But don't get me wrong. It was fun. Fun and funny. Silly, fun and funny. But it wasn't quite the brilliance we had hoped for. For example some of the songs didn't travel too well from New York (You Won't Succeed On Broadway with the lyric changed to West End jarred a bit and the rather bizarre song called something like Get a Jew was a little lost on a UK audience I fear). And rewriting the script to include (un)cultural asides about Jade Goody will soon wear thin I suspect.

But having said all of that it is a rather fun piss take of all the musicals you've ever seen - with some oblique and some not so oblique references to Andrew Lloyd Weber, West Side Story, Camelot, Fiddler On The Roof, Les Miserables etc. And the Monty Python humour does shine through if some of the targets are a little broad.

Now if it hadn't been for the inherent sexism of the Python's original material (did they actually write any parts for women that weren't just big bosomed non-speaking roles?) I'd have said it was a fun night out for all to enjoy. Sadly even having a 'gay element' couldn't quite save it from the PC crowd’s frown.

But we did laugh though. A lot. And it will no doubt run and run. As they say (and sing at the beginning of Act Three Two): Always Look On The Bright Side of Life.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Footballer's Wife's revenge...

Be careful what you send people. If you later split you can't unsend it. And it may just find it's way onto the Interwebnet. As Middlesbrough defender Matthew Bates found out to his cost.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006


Yesterday I found myself traveling to Rijswijk - a suburb of The Hague in The Netherlands - on a business trip. I'm here doing a reckie for a couple of days sorting out IT and hotel services for a more extensive work trip in a couple of weeks time. I can't really recommend the place as a holiday destination to be honest. Bit of a desolate place. But the hotel is nice and it's got a well stocked bar. Hurrah!

Monday, October 16, 2006

Myrtle's 70th Birthday Party...

It was my mother's seventieth birthday on Sunday so we had a family get together for her thrown by my sister Joanna and her husband Martin at their place out in Benington. It was so lovely to see so many of my cousins, nieces, nephews, aunts and uncles together. And I think my mother had a good time judging by her big smile she had on her face all day. And in case you were wondering, our nickname for her is Myrtle (although her name is actually Kathleen).

I took loads of pictures most of which you can see here.

Friday, October 13, 2006

New York, New York...

Moby's new single New York, New York is released in the UK on the 30th October and features the wonderful Debbie Harry on vocals. It's a promo single for Go - The Very Best of Moby. View the rather fine video in Windows Media or Real Media. It's a sort of Scissor Sisters-esque disco stomper. I quite like it.

Brain Teaser Answers...

1. 12 hours. Rate is 1/18 + 1/18 - 1/36 = 3/16 = 1/12. So time is 1/rate = 12 hours.

2. Border becomes boarder.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

The Queen...

The other night Stu and I went to see The Queen. Great fun. We were amused. It was all about the seven days following Diana's death in 1997 and the Queen's reaction to it. Royal week, Royal weak.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Brain Teasers...

1 James and Steve were busily emptying their book shelves from one room to another. James on his own could have cleared the room in 18 hours. Steve also would take 18 hours. Unfortunately, John was moving the books back into the first room from the second. He could fill the first room in 36 hours. How long will it take the three of them to complete the task?

2. Can you find a word that means perimeter and by adding a letter A another word is formed that means a lodger?

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Google gobbles up YouTube...

As Google has gobbled up YouTube for £883m I thought I'd link to two of my favourite YouTube videos: Male Restroom Etiquette and Evolution Of Dance - the second of which I understand is to be made into a film.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Ljungberg Denies Gay Slur...

Arsenal's Fredrik Ljungberg has laughed off reports in the Swedish tabloid newspapers that he is a gay homosexual. Ljungberg has stated that despite the fact he is not in a steady relationship at the moment, he is still 100% heterosexual. The stories are believed to have eminated from the internet.

'Gay Slur'? 'Eminated from the internet'? Is this 1996?

Friday, October 06, 2006


On Tuesday I went over to see Ben, Sarah and the triplets; Dylan, Eve and Lola. And they were all looking fantastic.

You can look at the full set of pix I took here.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Jocelyn Brown...

Last night Stu and I went to see Jocelyn Brown at the Jazz Cafe.

Perhaps most famous for her 1984 hit Somebody Else's Guy Brown is a belter in the old school mode. She has a pair of lungs that could power a wind farm. Brown has had a diverse career being used as a backing vocalist on John Lennon's Mind Games, touring with Luther Vandross and working with Todd Terry on a number of dance tracks including Keep on Jumpin'. Indeed it was this hit that she opened her set with last night.

And it was a trifle indulgent set list to be honest. In the first half hour we had just four songs. Eight minute versions of classics can be fun but it does give you time to hear the song, go for a wazz, get a pint and fight your way back to your spot for the final five minutes.

I'm sad to report that Brown has actually lost some of her power. Her voice was good, but not that good. She seemed to be struggling with some of her trademark vocal gymnastics. As Stu put it, "that song should have made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. It didn't."

But we had a good time. We sang along. We danced.

Highlight was probably her belting out No More Tears (Enough is Enough) "for the girls out there... and the boys".

Lowlight was a song called Always There - was that an unrecognisable version of Always There (her hit with Incognito)?

I was secretly hoping Right Said Fred might pop out for the encore of Don't Talk Just Kiss but it was not to be.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Brain Teaser Answers...

1. 44. Twice each hour equals 48, less one between 2:00 and 4:00 and one between 8:00 and 10:00 for both a.m. and p.m. Or thinking of it another way - the hour hand caches up with the minute hand once every 12 hours so you lose 2 right angles every 12 hours. So losing 4 right angles in 24 hours. 48 - 4 = 44.

2. Look before you leap.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Brain Teasers...

1. How many times per day do the hour and minute hands of a clock form a right angle?

2. What is represented by these letters? lookbebebebeuleap

Monday, October 02, 2006


I took Stu to Sitges for the weekend just gone - his first time - and we had great fun. Gary had very kindly agreed to let us stay in his place so we just had to pay for the flights. Ostensibly we were going to welcome Paul and Simon's move back from Valencia to Sitges. They now have a new pad even more central than before.

Below are a couple of shots from the weekend. Click here to see them all.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Nazis Invade the West End...

Not long ago I went to see the Mel Brooks musical The Producers at the London Palladium Theatre Royal Dury Lane - there are Nazis in that. Then last week I went to see Bent at the Trafalgar Studios - there are Nazis in that too. This last Wednesday I went to see Cabaret at the Lyric Shaftsbury Avenue - more Nazis. And in November I'm going to see The Sound Of Music also at the London Palladium... Nazis galore! It's an invasion I tells ya!

Train Vs Grain...

Watch where you are going: Train vs Grain Truck

Thursday, September 28, 2006


Last night Stuart, Roger, Kevin and I went to the Lyric Theatre, Shaftsbury Avenue to see Cabaret. And what a show! It's laugh out loud funny, sexy and chic.

"Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome, im Kabaret, au cabaret, to cabaret!"

Kander and Ebb's remarkable musical turns the pre-war Berlin of 1931 into a dark and sexually charged haven of decadence, its extraordinary and morally ambiguous inhabitants determined to keep up appearances as the real world - the world outside the comfortable sanctuary of the cabaret - prepares for the nightmarish chaos of war. It says here.

Anna Maxwell Martin plays Sally Bowles - you may remember her from His Dark Materials at the National or from Dr Who last year. James Dreyfus (Gimme, Gimme, Gimme) plays the Emcee and Sheila Hancock plays Fraulein Schneider. And despite not being brilliant singers they manage admirably and act their little socks off. The dancing troupe are Bob Fosse standard and convey the throbbing sexuality of the Kit Kat Club to a tee.

And I mustn't ignore a certain stand out facet of the production. Something that would have people reaching for their opera glasses (should we have them). The nudity. Full-frontal men and women - and oh boy are those boys well hung! Don't get me wrong. It wasn't gratuitous in any way. All in the best possible taste. And in fact used rather poignantly at the end.

So my advice is: Go see.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Lost Season Two Finale...

**No spoilers**
When I got back from the footie last night I watched the Lost season two finale double-header. I've been watching the entire series two and was rather more impressed than season one. It was a bit of a slow start for the first half a dozen episodes but soon picked up with some fabby back stories.

The finale was suitable enigmatic without being quite as frustrating at the season one finale which left me shouting at the telly.

Arsenal 2-0 FC Porto...

It was a fine way to celebrate my birthday at the Emirates Stadium last night. A 50th European goal by Henry and a good win for the Gunners put us in command of Champions League Group G.

On a more sartorial note I was sporting some rather dapper reversible millinery that Paul had bought me which attracted some admiring, not to say envious, glances and whistles from Block 125. Either that or they were taking the piss.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

The Forty-Five Club......

Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me-e
Happy Birthday to me!

I share a birthday with a number of 'famous' people. Many of whom I have never heard of. But the ones that always stick in my mind are generally from the world of entertainment: Linda Hamilton, Julie London, George Gershwin, T S Eliot, Winnie Mandela (er, OK, not really in the 'entertainment' camp - more tyre-burning perhaps), Anne Robinson and Will Self (who was born on the exact same day I was).

Closer to my heart though are two particular people who I greatly admire and who I am proud to say I was born on the same day as them both. And they are Bryan Ferry (I have always been a big Roxy Music fan) and the ever youthful Olivia Newton-John. Hopelessly devoted to them both.

Marva Whitney...

Last night Stuart, Darren and I went to see soul legend Marva Whitney at the Jazz Cafe in London's glitzy Camden.

She was shit.

Monday, September 25, 2006


On Saturday night Stu and I went to see the delicious Alan Cumming in Bent at the Trafalgar Studios in Whitehall.

It was a great production, brilliantly acted and very moving. Set in Nazi Germany in the 1930s it tells the story of how a gay Berliner party animal gets arrested for simply being gay and is sent to a concentration camp. It's a harrowing tale of what people will do to survive under appalling circumstances although it's not a story without it's humour. Well worth enduring the heat in the theatre.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Arsenal 3-0 Sheffield United...

Thank God for that. A home win in our new stadium at last and still a game in hand. Paul and I had a great time on Saturday finding a pub we're happy with before and after the game and a few new friends to chat to.

Friday, September 22, 2006

All Metal Gearing...

I've been lusting after something for months. Something that will give me hours of fun in the privacy of my own home. And today I've finally given in to temptation. It's my day off so I'm going up to the seedier part of Holloway Road to make my purchase. I'm looking forward to a day of heavy duty hammering and screwing.

DIY Porn...

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Dancing In The Streets...

Last night I took Stu to see Dancing In The Streets at the Playhouse Theatre in London glitzy West End.

We'd been meaning to do to the show, now in it's "2nd sensational year", for a while and it lived up to all our expectations. It was slick, energetic and thoroughly modest in it's aspirations. It simply had a cast of a dozen singers taking it in turns to dress up and sing Motown classics (Marvelettes, Supremes, Smokey Robinson, Marvin Gaye, Four Tops, Temptations etc.) A sort of Stars In Your Motown Eyes. We clapped. We sang. We were dancing in the seats. Great fun.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006


Loving the new Scissor Sisters album Ta-dah. I might even go as far as to say it's better than their first album. Oh and by the way, there is a limited edition of Ta-Dah with an extra second CD called Ta-Dah! [Limited Edition] (love that extra "!") that's worth getting. (And just to be confusing the import version of the album also has that extra "!" too so make sure you get the limited edition with the extra CD)

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Cork: In Pictures...

Full set of picture can be seen by clicking here. Alternatively a slideshow can be seen here.

To see bigger version of any of the pictures below just click on them.