Thierry Henry...

Talks to bring Thierry Henry back to Arsenal "progressing". Henry, the Gunners' all-time leading goalscorer, who recently had a statue built outside the Emirates Stadium in his honour, does not have to return to the New York Red Bulls until March. So we might get him for a month or two. Yippie!

Here's Henry's stats for Arsenal:

• Appearances: 370
• Goals: 226
• Premier League titles: Two
• FA Cups: Three
• PFA Player of the Year awards: Two
• Premier League top scorer: Four times
• First goal: v Southampton in September 1999

Penis Size (Average Results by Country)...

Ladies and Gentlemen I give you... Penis Size (Average Results by Country)  There are graphs, charts and stats aplenty on length and girth. Everything you might want to ever know about worldwide penis measurements in fact. Holiday in Dem Rep of Congo anyone?

Duckie Copyright Christmas Party Dec 2011...

Just before Christmas we went to Duckie's Copyright Christmas Show which was followed by the Duckie Christmas Party at the Barbican. The show was good - a sort of interactive experience with groups of us being shepherded through a warehouse set from small performance to small performance all with the theme of consumerism. The party was more typical Duckie with an outrageous cabaret show and the Readers Wifes spinning the discs. All great fun.

 

Bah Humbug...

It's been a nice Xmas thus far but I've been ill for most of it (cough, cough). Some mild, but annoying, viral infection. Bah!

Christmas Tree...

Woody Allen Jesus...

The 1980s Internet...

This is how I used to 'get online' 25 years ago. I splashed out on a audio coupler to call the newly formed bulletin boards. It was all very text based. State of the art phone too - with buttons! I was the envy of the Computing Club!

Paul and Me (back in the day)...

Jeanette Krankie...

Mate of mine once accidentally slept with Jeanette Krankie. Schoolboy error. 

'Out Of Office'...

It's was my last day in the office day before Christmas on Friday so I have left this 'Out Of Office' message taped to my office door. I also sent round an email to all my work colleagues saying, 'I am now on holiday. In my absence if you have any problems the piece of paper taped to my door will be covering my job for me and will be able to fix 99% of any problems you may have. The other 1% can wait. Obey it's instructions to the letter. Happy Christmas."

Barbican Lates: Duckie Christmas Party...

Barbican Lates: Duckie Christmas Party 6pm – 1am, Free
A pre-party before your Christmas party! Join us for a seasonal social and showbiz shindig starring Amy Lamé, Readers Wifes, Ursula Martinez, Jess Love, Ryan Styles … and quite a few Santas. Bring your friends and come along for a night of dancing, drinking, chrimbo cabaret, shopping, mince pies, mollies and mistletoe. 

The Readers Wifes 10pm–1am, ClubStage
Duckie DJs The Readers Wifes get party started with their popular blend of dancefloor and 80s pop classics.

Cabaret Performance 10.30pm, Clubstage
Amy Lamé steps in as master of ceremonies and hosts our (alternative) chrimbo cabaret. Featuring weird and wonderful acts from Ryan Styles miming into a giant balloon to Jess Love wowing us with her hula hooping skills and Office Party’s Ursula Martinez’s serenading songs and dance acts.

Sex With A Stranger...

Russell Tovey will be having Sex With A Stranger at the Trafalgar Studios in Feb 2012. Written by Him & Her writer Stefan Golaszewski. It looks good so we've booked tickets straightaway.

December Fatigue ©...

We may be only half-way through it but I'm already suffering from December Fatigue ©. I'm just so tired... too many parties, too work dos, meeting up with people I only see once a year, Christmas shopping, Christmas card writing,  meal planning, plays, opera, theatre events... Roll on January! #decemberfatigue

Office Party (again)...

I went back to Office Party again last week courtesy of Matt. This time I went in the Marketing department rather than Accounts. Great fun. Slide show here.

RIP Diana Gould...

Candidly Diana asked Mrs Thatcher why, when she knew the Argentine battleship was outside the military exclusion zone and was sailing away from the Falklands Islands, did she order it to be sunk. The Prime minister was left flumoxed and red-faced. You go girl!

Nutcracker!...

Last night Stu and I went to the Sadler's Wells theatre to see Matthew Bourne's New Adventures’ much loved production of Tchaikovsky’s Nutcracker! 


It was the first time I'd seen the show - despite it having been revived many times since it started in 2002.


The dancing was great. The music was sublime. The production was amazing. And pink. Er, sorry.. very PINK! Loved it.


Here are some of the other Matthew Bourne shows I've seen before:-

1995: Matthew Bourne's Swan Lake
2000: Matthew Bourne's The Car Man
2004: Mary Poppins
2005: Edward Scissorhands
2008: Dorian Gray
2010: Cinderella

Manchester United Out...

Don't worry Manchester United fans, you can still watch your team in the Champions league this season... On the History channel.

It was clear to see tonight that Alex Ferguson made a huge mistake in resting Howard Webb.

Office Party Show...

I was lucky enough to go to Office Party again last night (thank you Matt). This time I was in Marketing not Accounts. Just as much fun as last time. Got some better pictures though.

Windows Server 2008 Group Policy Management...

On a course for the rest of this week at Learning Tree in Euston: Windows Server 2008 Group Policy Management. I think my brain hurts already.

Extensive hands-on exercises provide practical experience managing a Windows Server 2008 and Windows 7 environment through Group Policies. Exercises include:

• Establishing a central store and utilising starter GPOs
• Applying computer and user configuration settings
• Generating reports for diagnostic purposes
• Writing WQL queries
• Implementing robust software delivery mechanisms
• Configuring core security settings
• Converting role-based XML data into policy settings
• Identifying and resolving failures
• Utilising preferences to manipulate objects
• Deploying printers through GPOs

The Onion Network...

The Onion Network has come to Sky Arts 1 and it's frigging hilarious.

Castor & Pollux...

Last night Stu treated me to a very posh night out. We went to the London Coliseum in London's glitzy West End to see Jean-Philippe Rameau's classic baroque opera Castor and Pollux.

The ENO production tells the epic legend of the eponymous twin brothers - one mortal, one immortal. Two sisters, Télaïre and Phébé, are both in love with Castor. Castor loves Télaïre so Phébé gets to play the jealous card to the max. When Castor gets killed in a fight with enemy king Lynceus Pollux in turn kills Lynceus. Castor then promptly pops off to Hades. Pollux frets but is given the choice by Zeus of spending all his time on Mount Olympus or giving half his immortality to his mortal brother. He opts for the latter (so giving half his immortality to Castor), enabling the twins to alternate between Olympus and Hades. The twin brothers are then received into the Zodiac as the constellation of Gemini. It doesn't end quite so well for the girls though.

As Pollux, Roderick Williams projected a real royal nobility, a rich goodness. As Castor, Allan Clayton was excellent conveying a warmth and effortless. Sophie Bevan was exceptional as the beautiful sister Télaïre whilst supposedly ugly sister Phébé, Laura Tatulescu projected the forces of darkness vividly and with power. She also sported a wicked green dress, had a massive heaving bosom and got fingered by a devil's hand - so was naturally our favourite of the night.

Perhaps the funniest part for us was the vision of Olympian paradise as a place in which girls in pastel dresses and white pop socks continuously drop endless pairs of knickers but never "go all the way", contrasting with Elysium as a place in which girls in similar pastel dresses and white pop socks drop endless pairs of knickers and proceed to parade around the stage stark naked, mostly turning out to be men.

All in all Barrie Kosky's staging was great. Slightly avant-garde, enthusiastic, vibrant and thrilling.

Office Party...

A few weeks ago Stu, Tim, Andy, Kev and I went to the show Office Party at the Pleasance Theatre in London's glitzy Islington. Featuring the legend that is cabaret artist Ursula Martinez (La Clique, La Soiree) and the super-talent that is super-funny Christopher Green (Tina C, Ida Barr) we were treated to an office party with a twist. It was a faux/real party with comedy, cabaret and scandalous behaviour at Product Solutions annual bash. With 14 actors spread across seven rooms it was cerayinly a fun night out. We threw outselves into the show with gusto - which is really what you have to do as a 'guest'. Set in a purpose-built "office" and featuring a variety of comedians and avant-garde performers, Office Party is an interactive theatrical extravaganza that celebrates and subverts the traditional work night out. More photos here