A Great Day Out: Brighton Pride...

And what a great day out it was. It was Saturday morning and the trains were overflowing as they left London; expectation was high and we were not to be disappointed. All manner of queens and dykes and poofs and fag-hags and straights and friends and family were descending on Brighton for the day. The day of Brighton Pride. When we got there the weather was scorching, the parade long and disheveled and the park packed. So many people, so many fresh faces, so many men. Just before getting to the park I'd gotten myself separated from buddies Ian, David, Andy, Kevin and Pano only to be adopted by the super-sexy crew: David, Blake, Donald and Andy. My newly adopting parents looked after me in the only way they knew how; copious amounts of alcohol, repeated rides on the bumper-cars and general minkering about in the sunshine. I got numerous texts from Ian and David ("we're by Wild Fruit", "we're sitting under a tree" etc) but making plans was madness in such glorious chaos. In the end we were all reunited for finale of the Dame Edna Experience show in the Revenge Variety tent. DE took the place by storm as she had done last year (much to the other drag queen's thinly-veiled envy!) It was a fitting end to a great Brighton Pride. David and I took the train back to London where I joined Paul and Michelle for a blow-out at Duckie. By 2:30am I was a little worse for wear but got a lovely welcome home from Marky (who I had all but deserted for the day). A great day out, but so nice to be home at last. [I'll hopefully have some pictures later in the week]

12 years...
It's Marky and my anniversary today.

Anniversary's are odd things. Odd because the unspoken word that proceeds them is often assumed to be "wedding". Your wedding anniversary. And I guess for many married people that is exactly what it means. They go out together for a year or two, set a date and then get married. The marriage is the thing that they celebrate once a year. Their wedding anniversary. But for me (and many of my friends both straight and gay) that doesn't quite work out.

Many couples that I know are not married - either because they are gay couples or just because they just choose not to marry. So what anniversary do they choose to celebrate? For example, our GLA partnership registration was nearly 10 years after we started dating so it doesn't seem to really reflect the time we have spent together.

Some married friends of mine have a been together far longer than they have actually been married. They lived together you years and got married to have kids. So when should they celebrate their anniversary?

I guess it's a matter of choice. Arbitrary, even. Pick a date that you both agree is a significant date. The first time your eyes met across a crowded room. A first dinner date. A first chaste kiss. The day you moved in together.

Well, Marky and my anniversary is perhaps a little more... er... carnal.

It was on our first anniversary that I was chatting to my mother on the phone. The subject came up that Marky and I were going out for a romantic meal for two to celebrate our anniversary. "Anniversary of what?", my mother asked. I paused perhaps a little too long. "Oh", she said. I could feel her cheeks flushing 35 miles away in Welwyn as it dawned on her. Sons can be so cruel.

What To Be Millionaire?...
A woman answered the following six questions live on air and won £1,000,000. Do you know the answers too?

1. What is the most expensive property in the UK edition of the board game Monopoly? - Mayfair
2. Nigel Kennedy is famous for playing which instrument? - Violin
3. Which boxer was defeated by Danny Williams in Louisville at the weekend? - Mike Tyson
4. What is the name of Europe's highest active volcano? - Mount Etna
5. Smiley's People and Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy are novels by which author? - John Le Carre
6. What was the maiden name of the former first lady Jacqueline Kennedy? - Bouvier

The answers are 'hidden' at the end of each line

Misguided Star...
Early editions of today's The Daily Star newspaper run with four pages (with photos) of Shell being evicted from the Big Brother house: Shell has become the latest to be evicted from the Big Brother house after receiving the least number of votes from viewers. At 9pm last night Shell was called to the diary room where a secret side door waited for her. She was told she had to leave immediately in a shock eviction, without the chance of saying goodbye to the four remaining housemates. The four who remain are Nadia, Stuart, Jason and Daniel.

Only it never happened. It was Stuart who was evicted last night. Opps. I bet there are a few people with egg on their faces at Ludgate House this morning. Hastily compiled later editions corrected the mistake.

Newspapers, eh? They just make it up.

Revenge : Photo #4...

Air...
Last night Ben, Sarah, Mark, Paul and I went to see Air perform at the Royal Festival Hall. Great gig. Bit hot. Fab lights. Big sound. Very big sound. Bit prog rock, though. Rick Wakeman wouldn't have felt out of places. Or Peter Gabriel. Set The Controls For The Heart Of The Sun, eh boys?

Power Cut...
There was an electrical storm over central London yesterday afternoon. Quite a few tube stations were flooded and there was major disruption on the tube network. And at 5pm there was power cut in most of Mayfair that continued until well after midnight. Naturally everything went off at work. So guess who was in at 6am this morning powering everything back up again?

Revenge : Photo #3...

Brighton Pride - Google Images...

It's Brighton Pride this Saturday 7th August. That big annual outing to the seaside for we Londoners. Should be a lot of fun. Now if you put Brighton into Google and check out their images... you can see Ian and me in Brighton 2002! Ah, happy days. It was raining rather hard as I remember. How else can we explain dearest Ian looking like a drowned rat!

Revenge : Photo #2...

Soho Pride...
Yesterday was Soho Pride in sunny London town. 100,000 odd poofs flooded the West End for one big street party. It was great fun and a chance to bump into a few names and faces from the past. Highlight for me was the girl at the Lube Up stall. She happened to mention that the lube she was selling was actually edible and amazingly, low carb. Low carb?! You mean Atkins-friendly? Moments later I was helping her shout out the fact to any passing punters who looked like they were in need of lubrication. We sold loads.

I spent most of my time outside Comptons though with names too many to mention. The laughter came and the beers flowed. And flowed. A great day out. I was planning to be home by 9. Was.

My better judgment took a flying jump when at 8:30 I got a call from the lovely Bobby (Pete's boyfriend) saying "Come to the RVT! We're on the grass" - how could I resist, especially from one so sweet? Ian and I jumped in a cab and when I got there David, Bobby and Pete were true to their word, perched atop the grassy knoll. Sitting right beside David and Roberto. We chatted and later danced the remains of the night away. Well, it should have been the remains of the night. Somehow I ended up in Horsemeat Disco too. Deary me. When someone asked me if I was OK as I looked a bit trashed I knew it was time to leave. Now that tube journey home was a blur I can tell you.

Revenge : Photos #1...

Miss Rachel Stevens Herself...
Miss Rachel Stevens herself answers her critics directly on this very web site in my comments section. She talks of her disappopintment at not being included on the Mercury Nominations list and her love of her more flamboyant fans. I reproduce it here for your enjoyment.

[Thanks Darius(?)]]

Come Out, Come Out, Whoever You Are...
Simpsons ties knot with gay marriage. The feverish public debate in the US over gay marriages is to be played out in a forthcoming episode of The Simpsons, it emerged today. The show's producers have revealed that the cartoon classic will feature an episode in which gay marriage is legalised in Springfield. Producer Al Jean said, "We have a show where, to raise money, Springfield legalises gay marriage. Homer becomes a minister by going on the internet and filling out a form. A long time character comes out of the closet, but I'm not saying who."

So who will it be? Smithers? Carl and Lenny? Moe? Comic Book Guy?

My money's on Patty "there goes my last lingering thread of my heterosexuality" Bouvier.

Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith...
So the 6th Star Wars film to be made will be called Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith. According to starwars.com It'll be out in the States on 19th May 2005.

"The Sith are masters of the dark side of the Force and the sworn enemies of the Jedi. They were all but exterminated by the Jedi a thousand years ago, but the evil order continued in secrecy. They operated quietly, behind the scenes, acting in pairs - a Master and an Apprentice - patiently biding their time before they could take over the galaxy. In Episode III, they'll finally exact their revenge on the Jedi."

As the last couple of films have been a tad disappointing maybe this really will be Revenge of The Sixth.

Recommedations...
We took Paul out for dinner last night to celeberate his birthday a bit early.

Looking for a swish place to go for a cocktail? Look no further than The Lounge Lover just off the Bethnal Green Road. Eclectic yet groovy. Not particularly cheap though.

Looking for a swish place to eat? Look no further than Les Trois Garcons restaurant right next to the above bar. Great service, OK food and decor as camp as tits. Again, not cheap.

Watershed...
What happens at 9pm in the UK every night? I'll tell you. Every young person, every impressionable person, every person of a nervous disposition, every easily offended person and everyone who thought they had a right to complain goes to bed. Welcome to the weird anachronism that we in the UK call - the watershed. It's a TV curfew enforced (on occasion) by Ofcom. At 8:58pm you can't swear. At 9:02pm you can say 'fucking' or 'cunt'. And show both.

To give a recent example, porn satellite channel Xplicit XXX has been fined £50,000 for broadcasting hard-core sex scenes before the 9pm watershed. At 8:30pm in fact. The fine was light because no viewers complained.

2004 Nationwide Mercury Prize Nominees...
Last year Dizzee Rascal won it. But who will win the 2004 Nationwide Mercury Prize

The UK albums up for nomination are:-
Amy Winehouse - Frank
Basement Jaxx - Kish Kash
Belle & Sebastian - Dear Catastrophe Waitress
Franz Ferdinand - Franz Ferdinand
Jamelia - Thank You
Joss Stone - The Soul Sessions
Keane - Hopes and Fears
Robert Wyatt - Cuckooland
Snow Patrol - Final Straw
The Streets - A Grand Don't Come for Free
Ty - Upwards
The Zutons Who Killed...... - The Zutons

People People...
I'm a people person. I like people. And I like people who like people. And below are some of the people people I peopled with over the weekend.
Friday 6pm Kings Head : Hanko, Darius, Amanda, Andrea, Claudia, Tomas, Britta, Dave, Thiery and a bunch of other (mainly German) Marc Almond fans
Friday 9.00pm Home : Drew many computer games
Saturday 10.00am Home : Drew many more computer games - happy now, Drew?! :)
Saturday 4-30pm La Porchetta : Hanko, Darius, Andrea, Claudia, Martin
Saturday 6pm Kings Head : Hanko, Darius, Andrea, Claudia, Tomas, Britta, Dave, Thiery, Mark, Paul, David, Roberto, Ian (!), Paul, Dave and a slightly larger bunch of other (still mainly German) Marc Almond fans
Saturday 7pm Marc Almond concert at Almeida : Hanko, Darius, Andrea, Claudia, Tomas, Britta, Dave, Thiery, Mark, Paul, David, Roberto, Ian (!), Paul, Dave, Steve, Alistair, Tim, Kevin, Ben, Katia, Martin and a huge bunch of other (now fairly mixed) Marc Almond fans
Saturday 11pm Duckie : Paul, Hanko, Darius, Andrea, Claudia, Martin, Petra, Kevin, Chris and a bunch of other Duckie regulars
Sunday 2am Taxi home : Paul, Martin, Kevin Calouchios 11am Hanko, Darius, Andrea, Claudia, Martin
Sunday 2pm Chill Out at RVT : Pete, Bobby, David #1, David #2, Roberto, Andy, Kevin, Jason #1, Jason #2, Grant, David #2, Jonathan #1, Jonathan #2, Luca, Stuart and a huge bunch of other (mainly shaven-headed and tattooed) disco dancers.

Maybe I'll spend tonight by myself.

Text at home...
BT have launched a home texting service called BT Text: "It's an exciting new service that will allow you to send and receive text messages - from your home phone". Ok, maybe not exactly 'exciting' but maybe quite useful. I've tried it and it does seem to work. And it's free to other landlines.

The Best Pictures of 2003: 1st Place...

[Click on image for bigger version]

French and Saunders...
Last night Guy, Neil and I went to BBC Television Centre in White City to see the taping of the latest French and Saunders sketch show. Believe it or not they have been working together on TV since 1981 but this is only series 6.

In the 1980s and early 1990s the French and Saunders show used to the thing to watch - ground-breaking stuff and funny as hell it was quoted from school yard to office cooler. During the latter part of the 1990s though they rather went off the boil as a comedy duo; moving into film parody rather too heavily in their own shows and concentrating there time on other roles (in particular The Vicar of Dibley and Absolutely Fabulous). But with a bit of a lull in their other personal projects they are spending this year working on a proper series of French and Saunders. This renewed focus has certainly paid off if the sketches we watched last night were any example. That said, the film parodies are still much in evidence with even a joke about their own dependence upon them: Lisa Tarbuck as their exasperated manager, "Now look! What the public want is you (pointing to Dawn) in a dog collar and you (pointing to Jennifer) falling over and showing your knickers but they can't have that - so do what you can do. Film parodies. Alright? It's what French and Saunders do."

Actually this is a trifle unfair, they have come up with a clutch of new characters (dressers in history, Jodie and Jordan phone-in show, teenage shouty girl, Devonshire ladies move to Miami) which are quite as good as what they ever used to do. But is it a return to form? Yes and no. Yes, it is funny, but it's not really what you would call ground-breaking. It's not quite got that edge that made it unmissable all those years ago. Think Ab Fab season 4 versus Ab Fab season 1. Think comedy that makes you chuckle rather than comedy that makes tea spray out of your nose. Great to have the girls back though. Should be on air October time.

The Best Pictures of 2003: 2nd Place...

[Click on image for bigger version]

Marc Almond at the Almeida...
Last night I and a large contingent of the Marc Almond super-groupies (Hanko, Darius, Gary + b/f, Michael +b/f, Katia + Belgian, Ben etc etc) all went to see Marc Almond at the Almeida Theatre in Islington. I know some of you will be seeing him later in the week so I'll not give too much away about the content but just describe my impressions of the show.

Let me start by saying it was a cracking night. Did I say 'cracking'? I meant marvelous, remarkable, spectacular, striking, stupendous, superb, terrific and wondrous. But I would say that. I'm a fan.

Marc's new-found ability to hold a show together was ably demonstrated by the fact he wasn't put off by some of the more pesky flash photography, the audience singing along and clapping or the odd mistimed cough by the front row. "You'll be pleased to hear I won't be attacking or insulting you tonight. I'm through my bitter and cynical phase". And it showed.

His voice was in fine fettle too and he only hit the odd bum note. He was wearing his dark suit and white shirt - all very formal - something that matched the tone of the night really. His stage presence and movements were... er... OK - while still not exactly dancing he certainly has got his arm waving under control and let's face it, his dramatic poses could shatter glass.

Mind you, the show did look a little unrehearsed at times - missed lighting cues, parts of the stage too dark so Marc just couldn't be seen and lights being dimmed, turned up and dimmed again as if it was a dress rehearsal (come on, fess up Marc, did you actually have a dress rehearsal?) The sound was a little odd too - occasional incorrect echo so he was singing over himself, the band up too loud and Marc's mike had too much cut-off so he was either very loud or virtually inaudible. The encore(s) at the end were sloppy too. At the end they didn't actually leave the stage but just stumbled around shrugging their shoulders looking lost. So when the end did come in fact they were off never to return. We'd had our two encores and not realised it.

I will just briefly touch on the content without giving too much away. For me the first half was much better than the second half. It was a nice mix of old and new - besides, I love all that Russian stuff. The second half was weaker due to too many cover versions and too little change of tempo. The jazz classics were fine (yes, you read that right, Marc has found jazz) but I was conscious of all the songs he was leaving out to squeeze in the odd Nina Simone song. That said, I quite like Marc The Jazz Singer (thank God it wasn't Marc The Lounge Singer!) but, as Ben pointed out, if he wants to play Las Vegas (which he maintains he does) then last night was his Las Vegas showreel.

OK now I have the track listing for the gig I just can't not post it! So as not to spoil it I've hidden the text as white though, so if you want to see it you need to drag your mouse across the blank looking area below.

UPDATE: the show's are over now so all can be revealed

So Long The Path
Always And Everywhere
Nuit De Noel
The Storks
The Glance Of Your Dark Eyes
Heart On Snow
Lonely Go-Go Dancer
The Flame
Tenderness Is A Weakness
Rouge And Perfume
The Slave
Caroline says
In The Port Of Amsterdam
Catch a Fallen Star

A Lover Spurned
Hustler's Tango (Lewis Furley cover)
Lotus Blossom (Johnnie Ray cover)
I Cover The Waterfront (Mel Torme cover)
In The Dark (Nina Simone cover)
What Makes A Man A Man
Go To Hell (Nina Simone cover)
Satan's Child
When Bad People Kiss
End In Tears
Suicide Saloon

Strangers In The Night
Sherezade

[Thanks Hanko]

The Best Pictures of 2003: 3rd Place...

[Click on image for bigger version]

Spare Ticket for Marc Almond...
Tonight I have tickets to go and see Marc Almond 7:30pm at the Almeida Theatre in Islington. It promises to be a great gig.

However, one of the people I was going with now can't make it. So do you wanna go? If you do then send me an e-mail to jonathan @ overyourhead.co.uk (but obviously miss out the spaces). If there are no takers then I can always sell it at the door.

The Best Pictures of 2003: 4th Place...

[Click on image for bigger version]

"Those nails make you look like a giiiiirl!"...
It was a super weekend for Nikki, Mark and I; we stayed down in a lovely village called Storgursey in Somerset with Kim. Kim's house and garden are quite beautiful and it put in mind of an idyllic French farm house. On Sunday Kim's two lovely children, Molly and Lucy, joined us. Molly is 9 and Lucy is 5 and so within a very short time I was making arts and crafts men out of bits from the garden and the kitchen, blowing bubbles, bouncing on the trampoline and having my finger nails painted bright purple. Playing with the kids made me feel very paternal. And, I don't mind saying, more than a little bit broody. I'd love to have kids.

The Best Pictures of 2003: 5th Place...

[Click on image for bigger version]

New Blogger Formatting Tools...
Oh look, Blogger got fonts and colours & symbols ufhin & big & small

1. and
2. numbering

• and
• bullet
• points

and left

and centre

and right

cool (note to self, don't overuse)

Me In Nice...
Last year Nikki, Kim, Mark, and I went to Nice for a few days. We had such a great time that the four of us are getting together again this weekend. We're going down to Taunton in Somerset to stay at Kim's place. Below is a place that Mark took while we were in Nice last year.
 

How To Settle Work Problems...
I'm having a bit of a tough time at work at the moment. I am fighting my corner though. Only thing is, I'm not a very good fighter.

Pretty Creatures...
Oh. My. God. [Not safe to be viewed at work - unless your boss doesn't mind you looking at dancing cocks and meaty vulvas pulsating to a mashed up version of Ohio Express's 1968 hit, Yummy, Yummy, Yummy, I Got Love In My Tummy and Gershwin's Rhapsody In Blue, that is]

Telephone Numbers...
01 for London
071 or 081 for London
0171 or 0181 for London
020 7 or 020 8 for London
020 7, 020 8 or 020 3 for London

Spot the Connection : The answer...
Well done, David and Bryan. They got the correct answer which is The London Readers Wives remix album 9 Years Of Shame - a wonderful (re)mix of comedy clips and the eclectic tunes they spin at Duckie. Fab.

Spot The Connection : 25 clues...
This may help with the connection or it may completely confuse you. 25 clues and 19 tracks.

In the style of the Russian Ballet - Women In Love
I did the right thing - Aileen: Life And Death of A Serial Killer
It wasn't my fault - The Victim
That's alright, Agatha - Carry On At Your Convenience
I was having sex with the little fella - Fargo
I specialise in naughty nights - A Change Of Sex
Hazel O'Connor's Scream - Breaking Glass
Michael, the cops are here - Party Monster
Where's the fucking head? - Curb Your Enthusiasm
Kill her, Mommy - Friday The 13th
The sea queen - Storm In A Tea Cup
This is Steed and this is Emma - The Avengers
Because I am not one of your fans - Mommy Dearest
Back to the village, love - Cornation Street
What I am, Michael - Boys In The Band
Not to mention my screams - Anna from This Life
I'm not coming back in - The 1900 House
They're still open - Nighty Night
And there was a little cherry - The Pan's People Documentary
The one and only, Kelly! - Jeremy Joseph
You're gonna die up there - The Exocist
Have you got your cans? - Side By Side
It's time to go - The Amazing Mr Blunden
Sorry - Pop Idol
In league with the devil - ?

Spot The Connection : 19 tracks...
What is the connection between the 19 tracks below?

2000 Light Years From Home - The Rolling Stones
Hello - The Beloved
I Love To Boogie - T. Rex
The Snake - Al Wilson
I Am The Fly - Wire
Strict Machine - Goldfrapp
The Crunch - The Rah Band
America : What Time Is Love? - KLF
White Rabbit - Jefferson Airplane
Jeane - The Smiths
Laura - Scissor Sisters
Go For Gold - Girls At Our Best
Oh Shit! - The Buzzcocks
Starman - David Bowie
Like A Motorway - Saint Etienne
Oh, England My Lionheart - Kate Bush
Do It Do It Again - Rapella Cara
Matinee - Franz Ferdinand
Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes) - Edison Lighthouse

How Ruder!...
Drew and I were playing Scrabble over the weekend, and after my run in with BT this picture seemed entirely appropriate.

Andy Bell's solo album...
The current edition of Billboard magazine features an interview with Philip Larsen of Manhattan Clique fame. The Erasure releases of Solsbury Hill and Make Me Smile (Come Up And See Me) have both featured Manhattan Clique remixes.

In the interview titled "Beat Box: Larsen More Than Sir Remix-A-Lot" Philip discusses (amongst other things) his work on Andy Bell's forthcoming solo album which will arrive early next year after the release of Erasure's Nightbird album.

The album features a "duet or two" with Claudia Brucken of Propaganda and is "an eclectic mix of songs which encompass styles that people may not have heard Andy sing before".

BT Blues (continued)...
8am: Back in the office today waiting for a BT engineer. Data is up but voice still not. Grrrrr.

12pm: BT engineer final arrives

1pm: Phones back on - my weekend can now start.

How Rude!...

BT Blues...
8am: I'm in the office this morning on my day off. Why? All our BT phone lines and data access is down; has been for nearly 24 hours. So I'm stuck here with my hands on my hips waiting for an engineer to arrive.

10am: Two BT engineers arrived. Fixed nothing. Said they'd be back. Left.

12pm: Waiting for BT engineer

2pm: I go for long lunch

4pm: Back waiting for BT engineer

6pm: Still waiting for BT engineer

8pm: Bored of waiting for BT engineer

Brain Teasers : The answers...
1. Footsteps

2. He kicked it up in the air

Well done Eric and Bryan!

Brain Teasers...
1. The more you take the more you leave behind. What is it?

2. A professional footballer bet me that he could kick a ball a certain distance, have it stop, and then come back to him, without anything else touching it. He won the bet - How?

Colon: Reaches The Places Other Cleaning Products Can't...
Spotted this on a supermarket shelf in Sitges the other week. Made me giggle.

Milk's and Cream's what?...
This note just appeared in our work kitchen. It reminded me of other similar examples that are cited in the rather wonderful Lynn Truss book Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation.

[click for bigger version]

Poor old BBC is to close a few web sites...
The Graf Report on the BBC's online services gives it a bit of a rap across the knuckles. Apparently the BBC has been straying into commercial operations and having an adverse impact on competition. Can this be right? Not the poor old BBC? Surely it only has a couple of web sites anyway. What possible harm could they do?

And what was the BBC's response to this wild accusation? It immediately closed five of it's web sites down (including Fantasy Football and Pure Soap).

But wait. To put this into some perspective, just how many web sites does the BBC actually run? And at what cost? Yesterday's Guardian proudly told us. It reported that the BBC's online presence "runs to 20,000 websites" and costs "£90m per annum after distribution and other costs were taken into account". What the...?! 20,000 web sites! £90m! That is incredible. What the hell are they doing? Sure BBC News is fantastic but what about the 19,999 others?! Enlighten me someone, please.

Marc Almond interview...
Marc Almond is interviewed in today's Independent.

Good News / Bad News...

The Good News: Saddam Hussein is going to face the death penalty.

The Bad News: David Beckham is going to take it.

The Non-moving Moving Image...
How many people do you see? Wait 10 seconds and then count again.


[Thanks Kevin]

Gay Pride 2004...
And so it began. Last Saturday was London Gay Pride 2004. Here is a brief outline of my day.

[12:00 noon] Pride Parade - Stood down by Green Park tube station in the sunshine and showers. It was a fairly colourful and high spirited parade but 'not as busy this year', but then we always say that. It was the Parades that got small!

[1:30pm] Comptons of Soho - The boys took over the street as usual, lots of minkering and smiling and flirting and the odd tinny or three. Pace yourself, Jonathan, pace yourself. It's going to be a long day. And (no) surprise, (no) surprise, we were given loads of free tickets to Big Gay Out in Finsbury Park (prompting a hasty change of plans).

[3:00 pm] Pride Rally in Trafalgar Square - On stage they were mainly the great and the good but with a smattering of politicos to lower the tone - Jean T and Ida Barr provided the glue to stick it all together. We also enjoyed (?) some (worthy) music and a genuinely moving speech by an 81 year old woman who was a survivor of the Nazi Concentration Camps. Elsewhere in the square there were cute men on the stalls (Hi Bryan! Hi Glen!) to provide a very welcome distraction from the baking heat. Pointing to a man in a kilt an old woman nudged me and demanded, "Tell him I'm a Hagis". And they say we're queer. A success then. Could this be the relaunch of Pride proper? (Pickup point for Waif and stray #1: Max - freakoid in need of escort to Finsbury Park).

[5:30pm] Big Gay Out in Finsbury Park - Max was tottering a bit on the grass in his overly stacked heels (did I mention he was 'differently dressed'?) but I steadied his balance and he steadied my nerves with a drink. A drink he actually stole from one of the beer stands. Heavens. I was soon ditched by Max (he had a podium to find) and hooked up with David #1, Jason #1, Jason #2 and later David #2 and Roberto and we bopped and boogied the evening away. In the Gash (sic) Tent we saw a woman being pierced by six meat hooks in the skin of her back and suspended from the ceiling. Nice. She then did a strip. Of course. Marc Almond was on at 9:20 singing Soul To Soul, Tainted Love and the Almighty version of Say Hello, Wave Goodbye. His backing troupe were a mix of 15 muscle Marys and massively befeathered Argentinean samba dancers. Fab.

[11:00pm] Duckie's Gay Shame at the Coronet in Elephant & Castle - David #1, Jason #1, Jason #2 and I eventually made it down south to join the merry throng that was Gay Shame. Marky, Drew, Steven & Ian were a(l)lready there. Lots of entertainment was on the main stage (London Readers Wifes, Ida Barr, Ursula Martinez etc) while 30 stalls scattered around the venue gave us a chance to spend our fake pink pounds. The stalls had names like Kiss Box, Confront The Cunt, Tea And Sympathy and Talkeoke. Bit hot but great fun.

[4:30am] Home & Bed - Phew!

Greece win Euro 2004...
Well, what a turn up. Portugal lose to Greece again. So it's Grecian 2004.

Scissor Sisters at the Royal Albert Hall...
The Scissor Sisters are playing at the Royal Albert Hall in October. Anyone want to go?

George Michael: Flawless...
As regular readers may know I'm a bit of a George Michael fan. This week sees the release the fourth single from his numbero uno album Patience called Flawless (Go To The City) - a cover of 'composition containing elements from' The Ones' hit. It's dead good. But the reason I mention it here is for the CD single of remixes. It's fab! Five mixes that go on for a total of a wonderful 34 minutes and 41 seconds.

Optical Illusion...
No, this isn't an animated gif. It's simply an optical illusion. As you move your eyes the wheels seem to turn. You can prove this by just staring at one circle. Click on the image for a bigger version.

[Thanks to Rog for the link]

Pet Shop Boys plan free film gig...
The Pet Shop Boys will unveil their latest project - a soundtrack to the 1925 film Battleship Potemkin - at a free show in London's Trafalgar Square. It's on Sunday 12th September. Anyone fancy joining me?

Nooooooo!...
I couldn't stop laughing when Guy sent me this. It's so wrong.

Tube Strike...
I'm working from home today as there is a tube strike on.

Gay Shame...
So it's decided - after Gay Pride March Pride Parade and Rally on Saturday (a bit of a wander down Piccadilly and watching Jean T and her co-host, Ida Barr, host the shenanigans in Trafalgar Square) we're going to Duckie's Gay Shame at the Coronet in Elephant and Castle.

I Can Think Of Worse Places To Work...
This last weekend I was working. Working in sunny Sitges near Barcelona that is! Poor me, huh? Well, I was working until 1:30am in the morning... but then again it wasn't really worth going out to the bars before then anyway! By Sunday morning and on very little sleep all the jobs I'd been commissioned to do were finished: those pesky Trojans were consigned back to... er... Troy (Windows 98 Spanish Edition? What's that all about?), the 802.11g Wi-Fi hotspot was radiating away and fully functioning in all it's 54Mb/s glory and the new Windows XP Professional installation (including a gazillion updates) was all done too. So pleased was my host I've been invited back. But he's promised that I won't need to even look at a computer next time. Yeah, right!!

Break With Tradition?...
What have the following acts all got in common?
Sugababes
Fun Lovin' riminals
Big Brovaz
Jamelia
Emma Bunton
McFly
Har Mar Superstar
Natasha Bedingfield
Blu Cantrell
The 411
Peter Andre
Pop!
Kelly Osbourne
Clue: I have no plans on seeing them on Saturday. Oh hang on, Marc Almond's supposed to be playing too...

Some Day My Prince Will Come...
An Iranian newspaper has reported the controversial story of a woman who claims to have given birth to a frog. The Iranian daily Etemaad says the creature is believed to have grown from larva to an adult frog inside her body. While it is unclear how this could have happened, the paper carries quotes from medical experts who say there are human characteristics to the animal. All this according to the BBC.

Morrissey's Meltdown 2004...
Paul and I went to see the final show in Morrissey's Meltdown 2004 at the Royal Festival Hall last night: London Sinfonietta play Gorecki and Part. I hadn't heard Part's Tabula Rasa before but it was quite an hypnotic piece of work - especially the second, silentium, movement. Quite mesmerising. The main reason we went, though, was to hear Henryk Gorecki's famous Symphony No.3, Symphony of Sorrowful Songs - a wonderful trio of pieces that manage to be reflective and yet powerfully realised; dynamically subdued (if that makes sense). It's a piece of music that really deserves all the praise and worldwide commercial success it has enjoyed. The emotional focus of the work is centred on texts and lyrical melodies sung my a solo soprano (in the obligatory big puffy dress, I might add), lamenting man's inhumanity to man. It's basically about what the Germans did to the Polish over the centuries. For example, the middle text is from a prayer that was scratched on the wall on a cell in the basement of the Gestapo's Headquarters in Zakopane. All very moving stuff. It was the music that captivated though. It reminded us both of early Eno and Philip Glass. As the night drew to a close Paul and I were floating on air. Quite wonderful.

Tribal Mario...
The new Gameboy Advance SP is branded as Tribal Edition. How gay is that?

[Thanks to Marky for the image]

Sitges Hotspot...
Today I'm off to Sitges for a long weekend. Half my trip is being paid for me and I'm getting free accomodation too. Reason is I'm doing a bit of network support for a friend while I'm there - singing for my supper, as it were. And I'm also setting up a Wi-Fi network too - a sort of hotspot in a hotspot, you might say.

Hotmail counters Google e-mail...
It had to happen. Hotmail counters Google e-mail: Hotmail is boosting the amount of storage space for users of both its free and paid e-mail service. From July the basic Hotmail allowance will be boosted to 250Mb and paying customers will get two gigabytes. The move is widely seen as a response to Google's GMail service which gives all users a gigabyte of storage to keep all their messages. Great. I was fed up of getting those, "your account is approaching it's size limit" messages on Hotmail.

Euro 2004: Knife Edge...
After full-time of extra time it was England 2 Portugal 2. So England's fate was to be decided by a penalty shoot-out as the referee blew his whistle to bring a thrilling encounter to a close.
Portugal 0-0 England: Beckham misses
Portugal 1-0 England: Deco scores
Portugal 1-1 England: Owen scores
Portugal 2-1 England: Simao scores
Portugal 2-2 England: Lampard scores
Portugal 2-2 England: Rui Costa misses
Portugal 2-3 England: Terry scores
Portugal 3-3 England: Ronaldo scores
Portugal 3-4 England: Hargreaves scores
Portugal 4-4 England: Maniche scores
Portugal 4-5 England: Cole scores
Portugal 5-5 England: Postiga scores
Portugal 5-5 England: Vassell misses
Portugal 6-5 England: Ricardo scores
England were out. We were stunned. Beckham blames himself.

Euro 2004: It Must Be Love ...
Let's wish the boys every luck tonight. Playing the host nation isn't going to be easy; not only because they're a damn good team, but they'll obviously have huge local support. But even if England do go out, reaching the quarter-finals is no bad thing, huh?

Frasier: The Last Two Episodes...
(beware: plot spoilers)
There were lots of laughs in last night's Frasier final(e) double episode. Highlights included:-
- Frasier's vulturesque agent Bebe making a very welcome last reappearance
- Daphne's two other thieving drunken brothers Michael and Stephen (cameos played by Robbie Coltrane & Richard E. Grant) turning up with that drunken twat Simon
- best line was by Ronnie when Frasier and Niles step in at the last minute with an offer to organise Marty and Ronnie's wedding: "leave it to the Duke and Duchess to save our behinds". Frasier and Niles look at each other and say in unison pointing at each other, "You're the Duchess!"
- a marriage, a birthday and a birth all at the same vet
- an unexpected promotion (and snog)
- and a change of scene (and chair)

I'll miss it. It's been a great 11 years. Goodnight Seattle, we love you!

Marky Mark: International Man Of Letters...
Yay! Marky is now officially an MA - he has (finally) been given his certificate confirming him as a Master Of Arts : Public Administration (International). He won't like me shouting about it but he has worked bloody hard for it and I am so proud I could burst.

Anne Pigalle...
Tonight Anne Pigalle is doing a gig on Battersea Barge on the southside of the Thames between Vauxhall and Chelsea bridges. Do you remember her? She was a stablemate of Frankie Goes To Hollywood, Propaganda and The Art Of Noise on Trevor Horn's ZTT label back in the 80s.

I first saw her 19 years ago at a showcase that ZTT did at the Ambassador's Theatre which is actually also where I first saw Propaganda along with Instinct and avante-garde composer Andrew Poppy (his song The Object Is A Hungry Wolf was used as the title music for the last series of The Tube). Art Of Noise was at that showcase too but sadly no Frankie.... It didn't stop me going back again and again though.

Anne Pigalle's first single called Hé Stranger was a typically luscious Horn production that still sounds good today. Pigalle hasn't stopped performing since those early days and occasionally pops up to do a gig - the music being that same Gallic flavoured mixture of electronic and ballads she did way back when.
[Thanks to Hanko for the heads up]

Lypsinka! - The Boxed Set...
Part of Morrissey's Meldown 2004 sees Lypsinka!, the New York drag queen, bring her Lypsinka! - The Boxed Set to the Queen Elizabeth Hall this Thursday at 8pm. We've seen her a few times before and it's a very funny show. So a few weeks ago I bought three tickets for Mark, Paul and myself - ONLY NOW WE CAN'T GO! It's England vs Portugal in the Euro 2004 semi-final quarter-final (thanks for pointing out my 'deliberate mistake', Dave) that night! Arg!

So if you would like to take three tickets (F35-37) off my hands let me know ASAP (cover price £20 each but I'll let you have them for half that). Otherwise I'll have to try and get a refund. Posh venues like the QEH do that, right? 48 hours in advance or something? Or am I just wishful thinking?

Euro 2004: Next Round...
Last night was a crucial match for a place in the next round. And we won! England 4 Croatia 2. Yay and double-yay! It was thrilling game with Rooney playing sublimely. Nice that Scoles got one in after such a long time too. So it's Portugal on Thursday. Oh wait, I'm doublebooked. Shit.

Wig Out...
It was Spencer's birthday yesterday (Happy Birthday, Spencer!) so on Saturday afternoon/evening/night I hitched on to his drinks-with-friends posse and bar hopped and disco danced the night away. For some reason Drew and I ended up doing a slight more extensive bar crawl that the others that took in Comptons, The Box, The Friendly Society, The Retro Bar, Comptons (again) and Bar Code. Somewhere along the way we fell into McDonald's in Shaftsbury Avenue and over indulged on their two-for-one Big Mac offer. With a belly full of beer and a gut full of burger we wheeled ourselves over to Wig Out at the Ghetto at 11pm to dance it all off. Wig Out plays what only I can describe as 'wedding music' in that disco/pop/trash mode. Fun night. Thanks, guys.

Big Brother 5: Emma...
So poor old Emma's been 'removed from the house for her own safety'. Shame. She was a live wire. So that's two people leaving the Big Brother 5 house so far but neither has actually been evicted. I wonder what that tells us about the BB5 producers' choice of house mates, huh? I guess they were looking for another Jane Goodey (or Jane Goodyear as Emma called her) but got more than they bargained for.

Big Brother 5: Cancelled eviction...
In order to 'calm the house down' tonight's Big Brother eviction has been postponed until next week: so Dan and Vanessa have a week's reprieve.

Euro 2004: The Recovery...
Not the best match in the world - and to be honest the score line flatters us as the performance was rather inconsistent and unconvincing. However it was a great result: England 3-0 Switzerland. So on Monday we need to at least draw against Croatia to go through to the next round.

Cheers...
The BBC reports that wine wholesaler Majestic Wines is toasting sparkling profits: maybe helped to some degree by the £315+ (!) Paul and I spent there last Saturday afternoon. Slurp!

Big Brother 5: Fight Night!..
Tempers erupted in the Big Brother House last night - leaving the place in a state of chaos. Victor and Emma were separated by security, and Jason and Marco and Vanessa and Nadia all went head to head.

The animosity between Emma and Victor exploded when, during a playful food fight, Emma's volume control went haywire. Incensed by her screeching Victor lost it, big time. A food fight escalated into tray-throwing, Emma first, Victor retaliating, before the two had to be dragged apart screaming insults and threats at each other.

'Do you know who I am?' Victor bellowed repeatedly.

'I'll f***ing kill you,' screamed Emma, before being dragged away by Dan.

She failed to calm down enough to remain in the House, so Big Brother asked her to return to the Bedsit.

Previously another row had erupted between Jason and Marco. Marco's delight at the return of his bestest allies Emma and Michelle spilled over into a dance of 'disrespect'. At least that's how Jay saw it.

Jay started blustering around telling anyone who'd listen, and there weren't many volunteers, that the mess from the earlier food fight would have to be cleared up. When Marco performed a loud and camp jig in his face, the burly Scot exploded and shouted at the law student.

'How dare you intimidate me!' squealed Marco, choosing not to call Jay 'Darling' in this instance.

'You dance like that again, and I'll take your f***king head off,' came the muscle-bound reply.

With Jason pumped and ready for trouble Nadia and Emma stepped between him and Marco to protect him. Marco giggled at the back, but Jason was deadly serious.

While Dan and Stuart attempted to keep the peace Vanessa started shouting at Nadia.

Then, for the first time in Big Brother history, security entered the House to restore order.

With Emma safely ensconced in the Bedsit the other members of the House scattered themselves about the place as they all tried to calm down.

The Divine (Standup) Comedy...
Last night Sarah, Marky, Drew and I went to the oh so hot Bloomsbury Theatre to see The Divine Comedy perform live. Having all but disbanded The Divine Comedy three odd years ago, I thought Neil Hannon had pretty much sunk without a trace. But oh no, the UK's favourite fop idol is back - promoting his latest album Absent Friends. A corker of an album, a corker of a show.

The diminutive Neil played guitar stage right and was joined on stage by simply a piano and a cello player. Yet between them these three created quite an impressive wall of sound that almost had you believing there were more of them than there actually were. Where was all that sound coming from? An orchestra of three.

To be honest The Divine Comedy hadn't really registered too brightly on my radar before this latest album but after hearing it just once I was hooked. I'm now keen to listen to their entire back catalogue - much of which was in evidence last night - at one point he was even taking requests!

The set was quite satisfyingly long and the songs were all as bitter-sweet and catchy as you might expect from the man who brought us Something for the Weekend, National Express, Generation Sex and Bad Ambassador. However for me the highlight was the hypnotic newy - Our Mutual Friend - which recalls the pal who introduced Hannon to a woman, then took her for himself. Masterful pop.

Neil chatted with the audience quite a lot between the songs. Even cracking a few gags and inviting heckles. Perhaps a new career awaits - The Divine Standup Comedy. If so, he had started out in front of a tough crowd; seated around us were comedy heavyweights Paul Merton, Matt Lucas, Ian Lee, Mackenzie Crook and Phil Jupitus.

Let's hope tonight gives us a better result...

The Tong Master...
UPDATE: I've heard from, and am very happy to credit, the author of this wonderful piece: Danny Katz, who writes for The Age newspaper in Melbourne.

All the great short story writers and sociologists of Oz should bow to the anonymous author of this little masterpiece....

The Tong Master

Griff was at the barbecue and Joel was at the barbecue and I was at the barbecue; three men standing around a barbecue, sipping beer, staring at sausages, rolling them backwards and forwards, never leaving them alone.

We didn't know why we were at the barbecue; we were just drawn there like moths to a flame. The barbecue was a powerful gravitational force, a man-magnet. Joel said the thin ones could use a turn, I said yeah I reckon the thin ones could use a turn, Griff said yeah they really need a turn it was a unanimous turning decision.

Griff was the Tong-Master, a true artist, he gave a couple of practice snaps of his long silver tongs, SNAP SNAP, before moving in, prodding, teasing, and with an elegant flick of his wrist, rolling them onto their little backs. A lesser tong-man would've flicked too hard; the sausages would've gone full circle, back to where they started. Nice, I said. The others went yeah.

Kevin was passing us, he heard the siren-song-sizzle of the snags, the barbecue was calling, beckoning, Kevinnnnn ...come. He stuck his head in and said any room? We said yeah and began the barbecue shuffle; Griff shuffled to the left, Joel shuffled to the left, I shuffled to the left, Kevin slipped in beside me, we sipped our beer.

Now there were four of us staring at sausages, and Griff gave me the nod, my cue. I was second-in-command, and I had to take the raw sausages out of the plastic bag and lay them on the barbecue; not too close together, not too far apart, curl them into each other's bodies like lovers - fat ones, thin ones, herbed and continental. The chipolatas were tiny, they could easily slip down between the grill, falling into the molten hot-bead-netherworld below. Carefully I laid them sideways ACROSS the grill, clever thinking.

Griff snapped his tongs with approval; there was no greater barbecue honour.

P.J. came along, he said looking good, looking good - the irresistible lure of the barbecue had pulled him in too. We said yeah and did the shuffle, left, left, left, left, he slipped in beside Kevin, we sipped our beer. Five men, lots of sausages.

Joel was the Fork-pronger; he had the fork that pronged the tough hides of the Bavarian bratwursts and he showed a lot of promise. Stabbing away eagerly, leaving perfect little vampire holes up and down the casing.

P.J. was shaking his head, he said I reckon they cook better if you don't poke them. There was a long silence, you could have heard a chipolata drop, and this newcomer was a rabble-rouser, bringing in his crazy ideas from outside. He didn't understand the hierarchy; First the Tong-master, then the Sausage-layer, then the Fork-pronger - and everyone below was just a watcher. Maybe eventually they'll move up the ladder, but for now - don't rock the Weber.

Dianne popped her head in; hmmm, smells good, she said. She was trying to jostle into the circle; we closed ranks, pulling our heads down and our shoulders in, mumbling yeah yeah yeah, but making no room for her. She was keen, going round to the far side of the barbecue, heading for the only available space .. . . the gap in the circle where all the smoke and ashes blew. Nobody could survive the gap; Dianne was going to try. She stood there stubbornly, smoke blinding her eyes, ashes filling her nostrils, sausage fat splattering all over her arms and face. Until she couldn't take it anymore, she gave up, backed off.

Kevin waited till she was gone and sipped his beer. We sipped our beer, yeah. Griff handed me his tongs. I looked at him and he nodded. I knew what was happening, I'd waited a long time for this moment - the abdication. The tongs weighed heavy in my hands, firm in my grip - was I ready for the responsibility? Yes, I was. I held them up high and they glinted in the sun. Don't forget to turn the thin ones Griff said as he walked away from the barbecue, disappearing toward the house. Yeah I called back, I will, I will.

I snapped them twice, SNAP SNAP, before moving in, prodding, teasing, and with an elegant flick of my wrist, rolling them back onto their little bellies. I was a natural, I was the TONG-MASTER.

But only until Griff got back from the dunny.

[Copyright: Danny Katz]

The Magnetic Fields...
Last Friday I took David, Roberto, Paul and Marky to see The Magnetic Fields at the Lyric Hammersmith. For the uninitiated, The Magnetic Fields are the music of songwriter-producer-instrumentalist Stephin Merritt, who lives and records in New York City. Adept at computer music programming and production, Merritt records his own albums and plays almost everything on them with help from cellist Sam Davol, banjo player/second guitarist John Woo, and percussionist/pianist Claudia Gonson.

The thirty song gig itself was a tad lack lustre, I'm afraid. The performance was very relaxed, almost too relaxed. The endless instrument tuning got a bit irritating at times too. Perhaps all this could laid at the door of classic New York ennui but towards the end of the first half Marky all but fell asleep - he never made it past the interval. Having said all that the songs were truly magnificent. Merritt's deep, booming baritone oozed like treacle throughout the set - no more so than on the seminal Papa Was A Rodeo. This was the high point of the show with perhaps the comic Yeah! Oh, Yeah! coming close to the level of applause and whooping that welcomed it by the devoted crowd.

The Magnetic Fields were basically over here doing a short tour to promote their new album I as well as a soundtrack album Pieces of April. Pieces of April includes three tracks plucked off 69 Love Songs as well as two from the 6ths' Hyacinths and Thistles. Of the additional songs they performed from this album the stand out new songs for me were One April Day itself and Heather Heather.

Big Brother 5: the weekend events...
I'm begining to warm to the newly pseudo-evicted harpies - the clueless Emma and psycho Michelle. Their short spell in the Big Brother bedsit will no doubt fuel their paranoia though: Victor had better watch out. And Stuart too; a woman scorned and all that... Great TV.

Euro 2004: James And The Giant Punch...
What a gutting result in the football last night: England 1 France 2. Especially after being 1-0 in front until extra time. We played a good game though, I thought. But everyone has to agree, we was robbed. Heskey and James played a large part both in our success and our downfall.

A Case Of The Crabs!...
Yay! Bryan has sent me a link to another fabulous online game - A Nick Bounty Mini-Mystery: A Case Of The Crabs. There goes my Friday off!

Big Brother 5: Watch it!...
I've kept quite quiet about Big Brother this year. I wanted to see how it panned out. I needn't have worried - it's a corker. Back on form again, guys! Unmissable.

Local Elections: Steve or Ken?...
It's the London mayoral elections today: a two horse race really between Steve Norris and Ken Livingstone. I know who I'll be voting for. But do you?

Their manifesto key points:

Steve Norris, Conservative
Hundreds of police officers should be out on the streets rather than in offices or cars
"Zero tolerance" for minor crimes like graffiti, vandalism and public drunkenness
More police officers for outer London
Abolish congestion charge
Introduce free school buses for children at primary schools
Run the Tube until 3am at weekends, put air conditioning into stations and provide security guards at night

Ken Livingstone, Labour
Police teams of six officers for each neighbourhood
Extend congestion charge to Kensington & Chelsea.
Run the Tube later every Friday and Saturday night
More buses; free bus travel for full time students aged under 18
30,000 new homes a year
Aim to push forward Labour policy on childcare, seeking to provide affordable childcare to all who want it by 2010.

Oh, and just in case you really cared...

Julian Leppert, British National Party
Scrap the congestion charge
Make sure London "No longer welcomes economic migrants"
Two new orbital rail services
Scrap the 2012 Olympic bid
No Heathrow airport extension - build a new airport in the Thames estuary instead
All public buildings to fly flag of St George on St George's day

Dustman vs. Politics...
You maybe aware of my ire with our local dustman. That's dustman, in the singular, by the way. I'm sure the rest of the dustmen are fine; I hate the particular guy who insists on coming round to 'prep' our road at 5:30am every Thursday morning night! He wakes us up earlier each week.

After last week's early wake-up call Marky composed an e-mail explaining what had happened with the black bin bags being thrown into our street and how these often split-open refuse sacks then get left for hours before the dustcart actually comes along to pick it all up. It was a gentle e-mail, nothing too pushy. He had complained in stronger terms a few times before but nothing had ever been done. This time he was slightly more crafty in his approach though. As well as sending the e-mail to the person in charge of the public-private cleaning contract at Islington as he had done before, he Cc'ed both of our local councillors. That's crafty because this coming Thursday (tomorrow in fact) is local council election day in London. Might this impending election help stir some action? A cynic might suggest so. I couldn't possibly comment.

But, hey presto! Within an hour or so he got this reply: "This complaint is now being taken up by our Principle Contract Liasion Officer and I have issued the instruction to the contractor that the refuse crew will not operate in your road and the surrounding area prior to 7am and the refuse will not be left in the street for any period of time waiting for collection. Arrangements will be made to monitor this on Thursday 10th June 2004 to ensure my specific instructions are carried out."
Attached was a personal note from our prospectively re-elected councillors: "We hope you will now be able to sleep in peace! Regards Cllr Terry Stacy & Cllr Laura Willoughby (Liberal Democrat Councillors for Highbury East)"

So maybe they are just making sure we get a good night's sleep so we vote for them on Thursday. A cynic might suggest so. I couldn't possibly comment.

The On-Line Pre-Date Confidence Builder...
While you choose your outfit or put the final touches to your hair, it's hard to imagine not having that friend, roommate or sibling to ask, "How do I look?" or "Does this match?" Yet millions of people don't have that someone in their lives. By the time your date arrives they are so overwelmed with self-doubt there is little chance that the date will be a success. All this is about to change. The On-Line Pre-Date Confidence Builder is designed to reassure you while providing answers to all the difficult questions that might come up as get ready for your date.
[Thanks Richard for the link]

A Gala Charity Variety Show...
What are those three words associated with theatre that make your heart sink, your brain seize and your stomach turn? They are, of course, "Gala", "Charity" and "Variety". But put them all together and you have a recipe for massive organ failure. The known killer that is, the 'Gala Charity Variety Show'.

So it was with some trepidation that on Sunday night, courtesy of Roger, we went to A Gala Charity Variety Show Live from Her Majesty's. We had visions of end of the pier has-beens, the BBC's Saturday night Seaside Special and lame cruise ship entertainers. We thought it would be really cringe-worthy. But (with a couple of exceptions) we were proven quite wrong. The show was fantastic (if a little long) and had us laughing from start to finish - sometime 'at' but mostly 'with' the acts.

The All Star Band with Donovan Blackwood : Standard house band.
Mark Raffles : 85 year old magician. The tricks were pretty lame.
The Tiller Girls : The pink feathered, high-kicking troupe in their 60s (and beyond).
The Holloways : Husband and wife play the xylophone (mercy me).
Wolfgang : Uber-cute 'Le Cirque du Soliel' performer rolls around on his huge RhonRad (!)
Paul Zenon : The Channel 4 'comedy magician' - actually very good.
The Overtures : Lame 60s tribute band.
[Interval]
Boom : Man playing the drums. Oh dear.
Paul Zerdin : Fantastic ventriloquism.
The Alexis Brothers : Oh My God. Amazing, sexy 'Le Cirque du Soliel' balance brothers.
Wally Eastwood : Breathe-taking juggling. And a nice line in self deprecation.
Tribute to Buddy : Oh, please.

It was a three hour show but it flew by. And we were genuinely surprised at how much we enjoyed it. Well, they do say variety is the spice of life, I suppose.

Summer is here...
The city is bathed in sunshine. The temperature is soaring. Boys and girls are out on the streets in their shorts. All is right with the world. Yay! I love the summer. Thoughts of SAD are long since banished.

Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk...

Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk:
1. Specificity
2. Antidisestablishmentarianism (I cant say that now)
3. Loquacious
4. Transubstantiate

Things that are downright IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk (ok, you saw this gallopping over the hill, right?):

1. Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you
2. Nope, no more booze for me
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type
4. No kebab for me, thank you
5. Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. I'm not interested in fighting you
7. Thankyou, but I wont make any attempt to dance, I have no co-ordination
8. Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street
9. You're right; I can't jump over that table.
10. Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.

[Although I have posted this before it is always worth repeating, and thanks to Richard and to Guy for sending it me too]

My Old Man's A FUCKING Dustman...
Why does our FUCKING dustman now wake us up at FUCKING 5:30am every FUCKING week throwing FUCKING refuse bags into the FUCKING street? FUCKER!

Blackberry...
I have the honour of having a top of the range Blackberry to play with for a month. Actually we have five of them on trial. I'm not sure the tag line of "more addictive than crack" is right, but it does seem to work. Not that it does anything that my XDA2 can't do. A lot less in fact. And it doesn't 'synchronise' as much as 'deliver', if that makes sense: Outlook's rules don't kick in, just server ones. Hence from the same e-mail account I get hundreds of junk mail on my Blackberry but none on my XDA2. It's a bit clunky too and even bigger than the XDA2. But it may appeal to some people in the office. Hence the trial.

Brain Teaser: Answers...
Bono & Edge over = 2min
Bono back = 1min
Adam & Larry over = 10min
Edge back = 2min
Bono & Edge over = 2min

Total time 17 mins. The gig goes on.

Brain Teaser...
Here's a variation on fox, chicken and grain crossing a river.

U2 has a concert that starts in 17 minutes and they must all cross a bridge to get there. All four men begin on the same side of the bridge. You must help them across to the other side. It is night. There is only one torch. A maximum of two people can cross at one time. Any party who crosses, either 1 or 2 people, must have the torch with them. The torch must be walked back and forth, it cannot be thrown. Do they make the gig in time?

Each band member walks at a different speed. A pair must walk together at
the rate of the slower man's pace:
Bono:- 1 minute to cross
Edge:- 2 minutes to cross
Adam:- 5 minutes to cross
Larry:- 10 minutes to cross

For example: if Bono and Larry walk across first, 10 minutes have elapsed when they get to the other side of the bridge. If Larry then returns with the torch, a total of 20 minutes have passed and you have failed the mission.

Sand...

Game...
You may have seen this wonderful little flash game created by Jakub Dvorský - Amanita before. This little masterpiece features organic graphics, smooth animation, quirky puzzles and pleasant sound.

Thanks for Bryan for sending me the link again. This game will keep you entertained for a good hour.

My Weekend...
Well, what a great few days it's been.

Thursday to Saturday was Brocket Hall. Great rooms, fantastic food, archery, falconry, horse-racing, casino, football, tennis, golf, jazz band, string quartet & clay pigeon shooting. Cool,huh? Luckily I wasn't paying!

Back on Saturday afternoon we took my Mum and Dad to go and see the fantastic Blood Brothers at the Phoenix Theatre. By the end my Mum and I had tears streaming down our faces. Marky and Dad looked on with wry amusement.

On Sunday Pete, Ken, Steve, Ian and I went to Stevie P's Soho House bash - free booze, free food and a venue packed choc-a-bloc with cute men - what was not to like?

After that we headed down to Horse Meat Disco - my first time there. It was a giggle: 70's music, a fun crowd, loads of friends and yes, you've guessed it, some cute men too.

Monday afternoon Marky and I went to see Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban at our local cinema. Great film - better than the first two. The Hippogriff (large creature; half bird, half horse) was great. The film was dark (quite literally) and well paced. Even Marky loved it and he can be a hard man to please film-wise sometimes. Can't wait for the DVD.