Quote Of The Day

"Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake - Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower (1887-1956)"

Thursday, June 14, 2001

Excuse me. I think your end of the gene pool could use a little chlorine...
For no particular reason here are some anti-men jokes for any anti-men people out there. Compiled over three years. Thanks to Sarah for her invaluable input.

Q. What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A. Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Q. What have men and floor tiles got in common?
A. If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life.

Q. How can you tell if a man is happy?
A. Who cares?

Q: What do you call a mushroom with a 12 inch stem?
A: A fungi to be with

Q. What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
A. One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.

Q. Did you hear about the banker who's a great lover?
A. He knows first-hand the penalty for early withdrawal.

Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the person who makes all their decisions.

Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A. Because those men already have boyfriends.

Q. Why do men like masturbation?
A. Its sex with someone they love.

Q. What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A. Porcupines have pricks on the outside.

Q. What is a man's view of safe sex?
A. A padded headboard.

Q. How do men sort their laundry?
A. "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".

Q. Why do men love computers?
A. No matter what mood they're in, they can still get a floppy in.

Q. What's the difference between a clitoris and a pub?
A. 9 out of 10 men can find a pub.

Q. How do you save a man from drowning?
A. Take your foot off his head.

Q. What do men and beer bottles have in common?
A. They're both empty from the neck up.

Q. How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
A. Who knows, it's never happened

Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q. Why do bachelors like smart women?
A. Opposites attract.

Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A. Breasts don't have eyes.

Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One. Men will screw anything.

Q. What's a man's idea of foreplay?
A. Half an hour of begging.

Q. What do a clitoris, an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
A. Men usually miss them.

Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.

Q: How can you tell if your husband is dead?
A: The sex is the same, but you get the remote.

Q What is another term for lesbian?
A: Vagitarian

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A: The swallow

Q: What's a blonde's favourite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes

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