Optical Illusion...
No, this isn't an animated gif. It's simply an optical illusion. As you move your eyes the wheels seem to turn. You can prove this by just staring at one circle. Click on the image for a bigger version.

[Thanks to Rog for the link]

Pet Shop Boys plan free film gig...
The Pet Shop Boys will unveil their latest project - a soundtrack to the 1925 film Battleship Potemkin - at a free show in London's Trafalgar Square. It's on Sunday 12th September. Anyone fancy joining me?

Nooooooo!...
I couldn't stop laughing when Guy sent me this. It's so wrong.

Tube Strike...
I'm working from home today as there is a tube strike on.

Gay Shame...
So it's decided - after Gay Pride March Pride Parade and Rally on Saturday (a bit of a wander down Piccadilly and watching Jean T and her co-host, Ida Barr, host the shenanigans in Trafalgar Square) we're going to Duckie's Gay Shame at the Coronet in Elephant and Castle.

I Can Think Of Worse Places To Work...
This last weekend I was working. Working in sunny Sitges near Barcelona that is! Poor me, huh? Well, I was working until 1:30am in the morning... but then again it wasn't really worth going out to the bars before then anyway! By Sunday morning and on very little sleep all the jobs I'd been commissioned to do were finished: those pesky Trojans were consigned back to... er... Troy (Windows 98 Spanish Edition? What's that all about?), the 802.11g Wi-Fi hotspot was radiating away and fully functioning in all it's 54Mb/s glory and the new Windows XP Professional installation (including a gazillion updates) was all done too. So pleased was my host I've been invited back. But he's promised that I won't need to even look at a computer next time. Yeah, right!!

Break With Tradition?...
What have the following acts all got in common?
Sugababes
Fun Lovin' riminals
Big Brovaz
Jamelia
Emma Bunton
McFly
Har Mar Superstar
Natasha Bedingfield
Blu Cantrell
The 411
Peter Andre
Pop!
Kelly Osbourne
Clue: I have no plans on seeing them on Saturday. Oh hang on, Marc Almond's supposed to be playing too...

Some Day My Prince Will Come...
An Iranian newspaper has reported the controversial story of a woman who claims to have given birth to a frog. The Iranian daily Etemaad says the creature is believed to have grown from larva to an adult frog inside her body. While it is unclear how this could have happened, the paper carries quotes from medical experts who say there are human characteristics to the animal. All this according to the BBC.

Morrissey's Meltdown 2004...
Paul and I went to see the final show in Morrissey's Meltdown 2004 at the Royal Festival Hall last night: London Sinfonietta play Gorecki and Part. I hadn't heard Part's Tabula Rasa before but it was quite an hypnotic piece of work - especially the second, silentium, movement. Quite mesmerising. The main reason we went, though, was to hear Henryk Gorecki's famous Symphony No.3, Symphony of Sorrowful Songs - a wonderful trio of pieces that manage to be reflective and yet powerfully realised; dynamically subdued (if that makes sense). It's a piece of music that really deserves all the praise and worldwide commercial success it has enjoyed. The emotional focus of the work is centred on texts and lyrical melodies sung my a solo soprano (in the obligatory big puffy dress, I might add), lamenting man's inhumanity to man. It's basically about what the Germans did to the Polish over the centuries. For example, the middle text is from a prayer that was scratched on the wall on a cell in the basement of the Gestapo's Headquarters in Zakopane. All very moving stuff. It was the music that captivated though. It reminded us both of early Eno and Philip Glass. As the night drew to a close Paul and I were floating on air. Quite wonderful.

Tribal Mario...
The new Gameboy Advance SP is branded as Tribal Edition. How gay is that?

[Thanks to Marky for the image]

Sitges Hotspot...
Today I'm off to Sitges for a long weekend. Half my trip is being paid for me and I'm getting free accomodation too. Reason is I'm doing a bit of network support for a friend while I'm there - singing for my supper, as it were. And I'm also setting up a Wi-Fi network too - a sort of hotspot in a hotspot, you might say.

Hotmail counters Google e-mail...
It had to happen. Hotmail counters Google e-mail: Hotmail is boosting the amount of storage space for users of both its free and paid e-mail service. From July the basic Hotmail allowance will be boosted to 250Mb and paying customers will get two gigabytes. The move is widely seen as a response to Google's GMail service which gives all users a gigabyte of storage to keep all their messages. Great. I was fed up of getting those, "your account is approaching it's size limit" messages on Hotmail.

Euro 2004: Knife Edge...
After full-time of extra time it was England 2 Portugal 2. So England's fate was to be decided by a penalty shoot-out as the referee blew his whistle to bring a thrilling encounter to a close.
Portugal 0-0 England: Beckham misses
Portugal 1-0 England: Deco scores
Portugal 1-1 England: Owen scores
Portugal 2-1 England: Simao scores
Portugal 2-2 England: Lampard scores
Portugal 2-2 England: Rui Costa misses
Portugal 2-3 England: Terry scores
Portugal 3-3 England: Ronaldo scores
Portugal 3-4 England: Hargreaves scores
Portugal 4-4 England: Maniche scores
Portugal 4-5 England: Cole scores
Portugal 5-5 England: Postiga scores
Portugal 5-5 England: Vassell misses
Portugal 6-5 England: Ricardo scores
England were out. We were stunned. Beckham blames himself.

Euro 2004: It Must Be Love ...
Let's wish the boys every luck tonight. Playing the host nation isn't going to be easy; not only because they're a damn good team, but they'll obviously have huge local support. But even if England do go out, reaching the quarter-finals is no bad thing, huh?

Frasier: The Last Two Episodes...
(beware: plot spoilers)
There were lots of laughs in last night's Frasier final(e) double episode. Highlights included:-
- Frasier's vulturesque agent Bebe making a very welcome last reappearance
- Daphne's two other thieving drunken brothers Michael and Stephen (cameos played by Robbie Coltrane & Richard E. Grant) turning up with that drunken twat Simon
- best line was by Ronnie when Frasier and Niles step in at the last minute with an offer to organise Marty and Ronnie's wedding: "leave it to the Duke and Duchess to save our behinds". Frasier and Niles look at each other and say in unison pointing at each other, "You're the Duchess!"
- a marriage, a birthday and a birth all at the same vet
- an unexpected promotion (and snog)
- and a change of scene (and chair)

I'll miss it. It's been a great 11 years. Goodnight Seattle, we love you!

Marky Mark: International Man Of Letters...
Yay! Marky is now officially an MA - he has (finally) been given his certificate confirming him as a Master Of Arts : Public Administration (International). He won't like me shouting about it but he has worked bloody hard for it and I am so proud I could burst.

Anne Pigalle...
Tonight Anne Pigalle is doing a gig on Battersea Barge on the southside of the Thames between Vauxhall and Chelsea bridges. Do you remember her? She was a stablemate of Frankie Goes To Hollywood, Propaganda and The Art Of Noise on Trevor Horn's ZTT label back in the 80s.

I first saw her 19 years ago at a showcase that ZTT did at the Ambassador's Theatre which is actually also where I first saw Propaganda along with Instinct and avante-garde composer Andrew Poppy (his song The Object Is A Hungry Wolf was used as the title music for the last series of The Tube). Art Of Noise was at that showcase too but sadly no Frankie.... It didn't stop me going back again and again though.

Anne Pigalle's first single called Hé Stranger was a typically luscious Horn production that still sounds good today. Pigalle hasn't stopped performing since those early days and occasionally pops up to do a gig - the music being that same Gallic flavoured mixture of electronic and ballads she did way back when.
[Thanks to Hanko for the heads up]

Lypsinka! - The Boxed Set...
Part of Morrissey's Meldown 2004 sees Lypsinka!, the New York drag queen, bring her Lypsinka! - The Boxed Set to the Queen Elizabeth Hall this Thursday at 8pm. We've seen her a few times before and it's a very funny show. So a few weeks ago I bought three tickets for Mark, Paul and myself - ONLY NOW WE CAN'T GO! It's England vs Portugal in the Euro 2004 semi-final quarter-final (thanks for pointing out my 'deliberate mistake', Dave) that night! Arg!

So if you would like to take three tickets (F35-37) off my hands let me know ASAP (cover price £20 each but I'll let you have them for half that). Otherwise I'll have to try and get a refund. Posh venues like the QEH do that, right? 48 hours in advance or something? Or am I just wishful thinking?

Euro 2004: Next Round...
Last night was a crucial match for a place in the next round. And we won! England 4 Croatia 2. Yay and double-yay! It was thrilling game with Rooney playing sublimely. Nice that Scoles got one in after such a long time too. So it's Portugal on Thursday. Oh wait, I'm doublebooked. Shit.

Wig Out...
It was Spencer's birthday yesterday (Happy Birthday, Spencer!) so on Saturday afternoon/evening/night I hitched on to his drinks-with-friends posse and bar hopped and disco danced the night away. For some reason Drew and I ended up doing a slight more extensive bar crawl that the others that took in Comptons, The Box, The Friendly Society, The Retro Bar, Comptons (again) and Bar Code. Somewhere along the way we fell into McDonald's in Shaftsbury Avenue and over indulged on their two-for-one Big Mac offer. With a belly full of beer and a gut full of burger we wheeled ourselves over to Wig Out at the Ghetto at 11pm to dance it all off. Wig Out plays what only I can describe as 'wedding music' in that disco/pop/trash mode. Fun night. Thanks, guys.

Big Brother 5: Emma...
So poor old Emma's been 'removed from the house for her own safety'. Shame. She was a live wire. So that's two people leaving the Big Brother 5 house so far but neither has actually been evicted. I wonder what that tells us about the BB5 producers' choice of house mates, huh? I guess they were looking for another Jane Goodey (or Jane Goodyear as Emma called her) but got more than they bargained for.

Big Brother 5: Cancelled eviction...
In order to 'calm the house down' tonight's Big Brother eviction has been postponed until next week: so Dan and Vanessa have a week's reprieve.

Euro 2004: The Recovery...
Not the best match in the world - and to be honest the score line flatters us as the performance was rather inconsistent and unconvincing. However it was a great result: England 3-0 Switzerland. So on Monday we need to at least draw against Croatia to go through to the next round.

Cheers...
The BBC reports that wine wholesaler Majestic Wines is toasting sparkling profits: maybe helped to some degree by the £315+ (!) Paul and I spent there last Saturday afternoon. Slurp!

Big Brother 5: Fight Night!..
Tempers erupted in the Big Brother House last night - leaving the place in a state of chaos. Victor and Emma were separated by security, and Jason and Marco and Vanessa and Nadia all went head to head.

The animosity between Emma and Victor exploded when, during a playful food fight, Emma's volume control went haywire. Incensed by her screeching Victor lost it, big time. A food fight escalated into tray-throwing, Emma first, Victor retaliating, before the two had to be dragged apart screaming insults and threats at each other.

'Do you know who I am?' Victor bellowed repeatedly.

'I'll f***ing kill you,' screamed Emma, before being dragged away by Dan.

She failed to calm down enough to remain in the House, so Big Brother asked her to return to the Bedsit.

Previously another row had erupted between Jason and Marco. Marco's delight at the return of his bestest allies Emma and Michelle spilled over into a dance of 'disrespect'. At least that's how Jay saw it.

Jay started blustering around telling anyone who'd listen, and there weren't many volunteers, that the mess from the earlier food fight would have to be cleared up. When Marco performed a loud and camp jig in his face, the burly Scot exploded and shouted at the law student.

'How dare you intimidate me!' squealed Marco, choosing not to call Jay 'Darling' in this instance.

'You dance like that again, and I'll take your f***king head off,' came the muscle-bound reply.

With Jason pumped and ready for trouble Nadia and Emma stepped between him and Marco to protect him. Marco giggled at the back, but Jason was deadly serious.

While Dan and Stuart attempted to keep the peace Vanessa started shouting at Nadia.

Then, for the first time in Big Brother history, security entered the House to restore order.

With Emma safely ensconced in the Bedsit the other members of the House scattered themselves about the place as they all tried to calm down.

The Divine (Standup) Comedy...
Last night Sarah, Marky, Drew and I went to the oh so hot Bloomsbury Theatre to see The Divine Comedy perform live. Having all but disbanded The Divine Comedy three odd years ago, I thought Neil Hannon had pretty much sunk without a trace. But oh no, the UK's favourite fop idol is back - promoting his latest album Absent Friends. A corker of an album, a corker of a show.

The diminutive Neil played guitar stage right and was joined on stage by simply a piano and a cello player. Yet between them these three created quite an impressive wall of sound that almost had you believing there were more of them than there actually were. Where was all that sound coming from? An orchestra of three.

To be honest The Divine Comedy hadn't really registered too brightly on my radar before this latest album but after hearing it just once I was hooked. I'm now keen to listen to their entire back catalogue - much of which was in evidence last night - at one point he was even taking requests!

The set was quite satisfyingly long and the songs were all as bitter-sweet and catchy as you might expect from the man who brought us Something for the Weekend, National Express, Generation Sex and Bad Ambassador. However for me the highlight was the hypnotic newy - Our Mutual Friend - which recalls the pal who introduced Hannon to a woman, then took her for himself. Masterful pop.

Neil chatted with the audience quite a lot between the songs. Even cracking a few gags and inviting heckles. Perhaps a new career awaits - The Divine Standup Comedy. If so, he had started out in front of a tough crowd; seated around us were comedy heavyweights Paul Merton, Matt Lucas, Ian Lee, Mackenzie Crook and Phil Jupitus.

Let's hope tonight gives us a better result...

The Tong Master...
UPDATE: I've heard from, and am very happy to credit, the author of this wonderful piece: Danny Katz, who writes for The Age newspaper in Melbourne.

All the great short story writers and sociologists of Oz should bow to the anonymous author of this little masterpiece....

The Tong Master

Griff was at the barbecue and Joel was at the barbecue and I was at the barbecue; three men standing around a barbecue, sipping beer, staring at sausages, rolling them backwards and forwards, never leaving them alone.

We didn't know why we were at the barbecue; we were just drawn there like moths to a flame. The barbecue was a powerful gravitational force, a man-magnet. Joel said the thin ones could use a turn, I said yeah I reckon the thin ones could use a turn, Griff said yeah they really need a turn it was a unanimous turning decision.

Griff was the Tong-Master, a true artist, he gave a couple of practice snaps of his long silver tongs, SNAP SNAP, before moving in, prodding, teasing, and with an elegant flick of his wrist, rolling them onto their little backs. A lesser tong-man would've flicked too hard; the sausages would've gone full circle, back to where they started. Nice, I said. The others went yeah.

Kevin was passing us, he heard the siren-song-sizzle of the snags, the barbecue was calling, beckoning, Kevinnnnn ...come. He stuck his head in and said any room? We said yeah and began the barbecue shuffle; Griff shuffled to the left, Joel shuffled to the left, I shuffled to the left, Kevin slipped in beside me, we sipped our beer.

Now there were four of us staring at sausages, and Griff gave me the nod, my cue. I was second-in-command, and I had to take the raw sausages out of the plastic bag and lay them on the barbecue; not too close together, not too far apart, curl them into each other's bodies like lovers - fat ones, thin ones, herbed and continental. The chipolatas were tiny, they could easily slip down between the grill, falling into the molten hot-bead-netherworld below. Carefully I laid them sideways ACROSS the grill, clever thinking.

Griff snapped his tongs with approval; there was no greater barbecue honour.

P.J. came along, he said looking good, looking good - the irresistible lure of the barbecue had pulled him in too. We said yeah and did the shuffle, left, left, left, left, he slipped in beside Kevin, we sipped our beer. Five men, lots of sausages.

Joel was the Fork-pronger; he had the fork that pronged the tough hides of the Bavarian bratwursts and he showed a lot of promise. Stabbing away eagerly, leaving perfect little vampire holes up and down the casing.

P.J. was shaking his head, he said I reckon they cook better if you don't poke them. There was a long silence, you could have heard a chipolata drop, and this newcomer was a rabble-rouser, bringing in his crazy ideas from outside. He didn't understand the hierarchy; First the Tong-master, then the Sausage-layer, then the Fork-pronger - and everyone below was just a watcher. Maybe eventually they'll move up the ladder, but for now - don't rock the Weber.

Dianne popped her head in; hmmm, smells good, she said. She was trying to jostle into the circle; we closed ranks, pulling our heads down and our shoulders in, mumbling yeah yeah yeah, but making no room for her. She was keen, going round to the far side of the barbecue, heading for the only available space .. . . the gap in the circle where all the smoke and ashes blew. Nobody could survive the gap; Dianne was going to try. She stood there stubbornly, smoke blinding her eyes, ashes filling her nostrils, sausage fat splattering all over her arms and face. Until she couldn't take it anymore, she gave up, backed off.

Kevin waited till she was gone and sipped his beer. We sipped our beer, yeah. Griff handed me his tongs. I looked at him and he nodded. I knew what was happening, I'd waited a long time for this moment - the abdication. The tongs weighed heavy in my hands, firm in my grip - was I ready for the responsibility? Yes, I was. I held them up high and they glinted in the sun. Don't forget to turn the thin ones Griff said as he walked away from the barbecue, disappearing toward the house. Yeah I called back, I will, I will.

I snapped them twice, SNAP SNAP, before moving in, prodding, teasing, and with an elegant flick of my wrist, rolling them back onto their little bellies. I was a natural, I was the TONG-MASTER.

But only until Griff got back from the dunny.

[Copyright: Danny Katz]

The Magnetic Fields...
Last Friday I took David, Roberto, Paul and Marky to see The Magnetic Fields at the Lyric Hammersmith. For the uninitiated, The Magnetic Fields are the music of songwriter-producer-instrumentalist Stephin Merritt, who lives and records in New York City. Adept at computer music programming and production, Merritt records his own albums and plays almost everything on them with help from cellist Sam Davol, banjo player/second guitarist John Woo, and percussionist/pianist Claudia Gonson.

The thirty song gig itself was a tad lack lustre, I'm afraid. The performance was very relaxed, almost too relaxed. The endless instrument tuning got a bit irritating at times too. Perhaps all this could laid at the door of classic New York ennui but towards the end of the first half Marky all but fell asleep - he never made it past the interval. Having said all that the songs were truly magnificent. Merritt's deep, booming baritone oozed like treacle throughout the set - no more so than on the seminal Papa Was A Rodeo. This was the high point of the show with perhaps the comic Yeah! Oh, Yeah! coming close to the level of applause and whooping that welcomed it by the devoted crowd.

The Magnetic Fields were basically over here doing a short tour to promote their new album I as well as a soundtrack album Pieces of April. Pieces of April includes three tracks plucked off 69 Love Songs as well as two from the 6ths' Hyacinths and Thistles. Of the additional songs they performed from this album the stand out new songs for me were One April Day itself and Heather Heather.

Big Brother 5: the weekend events...
I'm begining to warm to the newly pseudo-evicted harpies - the clueless Emma and psycho Michelle. Their short spell in the Big Brother bedsit will no doubt fuel their paranoia though: Victor had better watch out. And Stuart too; a woman scorned and all that... Great TV.

Euro 2004: James And The Giant Punch...
What a gutting result in the football last night: England 1 France 2. Especially after being 1-0 in front until extra time. We played a good game though, I thought. But everyone has to agree, we was robbed. Heskey and James played a large part both in our success and our downfall.

A Case Of The Crabs!...
Yay! Bryan has sent me a link to another fabulous online game - A Nick Bounty Mini-Mystery: A Case Of The Crabs. There goes my Friday off!

Big Brother 5: Watch it!...
I've kept quite quiet about Big Brother this year. I wanted to see how it panned out. I needn't have worried - it's a corker. Back on form again, guys! Unmissable.

Local Elections: Steve or Ken?...
It's the London mayoral elections today: a two horse race really between Steve Norris and Ken Livingstone. I know who I'll be voting for. But do you?

Their manifesto key points:

Steve Norris, Conservative
Hundreds of police officers should be out on the streets rather than in offices or cars
"Zero tolerance" for minor crimes like graffiti, vandalism and public drunkenness
More police officers for outer London
Abolish congestion charge
Introduce free school buses for children at primary schools
Run the Tube until 3am at weekends, put air conditioning into stations and provide security guards at night

Ken Livingstone, Labour
Police teams of six officers for each neighbourhood
Extend congestion charge to Kensington & Chelsea.
Run the Tube later every Friday and Saturday night
More buses; free bus travel for full time students aged under 18
30,000 new homes a year
Aim to push forward Labour policy on childcare, seeking to provide affordable childcare to all who want it by 2010.

Oh, and just in case you really cared...

Julian Leppert, British National Party
Scrap the congestion charge
Make sure London "No longer welcomes economic migrants"
Two new orbital rail services
Scrap the 2012 Olympic bid
No Heathrow airport extension - build a new airport in the Thames estuary instead
All public buildings to fly flag of St George on St George's day

Dustman vs. Politics...
You maybe aware of my ire with our local dustman. That's dustman, in the singular, by the way. I'm sure the rest of the dustmen are fine; I hate the particular guy who insists on coming round to 'prep' our road at 5:30am every Thursday morning night! He wakes us up earlier each week.

After last week's early wake-up call Marky composed an e-mail explaining what had happened with the black bin bags being thrown into our street and how these often split-open refuse sacks then get left for hours before the dustcart actually comes along to pick it all up. It was a gentle e-mail, nothing too pushy. He had complained in stronger terms a few times before but nothing had ever been done. This time he was slightly more crafty in his approach though. As well as sending the e-mail to the person in charge of the public-private cleaning contract at Islington as he had done before, he Cc'ed both of our local councillors. That's crafty because this coming Thursday (tomorrow in fact) is local council election day in London. Might this impending election help stir some action? A cynic might suggest so. I couldn't possibly comment.

But, hey presto! Within an hour or so he got this reply: "This complaint is now being taken up by our Principle Contract Liasion Officer and I have issued the instruction to the contractor that the refuse crew will not operate in your road and the surrounding area prior to 7am and the refuse will not be left in the street for any period of time waiting for collection. Arrangements will be made to monitor this on Thursday 10th June 2004 to ensure my specific instructions are carried out."
Attached was a personal note from our prospectively re-elected councillors: "We hope you will now be able to sleep in peace! Regards Cllr Terry Stacy & Cllr Laura Willoughby (Liberal Democrat Councillors for Highbury East)"

So maybe they are just making sure we get a good night's sleep so we vote for them on Thursday. A cynic might suggest so. I couldn't possibly comment.

The On-Line Pre-Date Confidence Builder...
While you choose your outfit or put the final touches to your hair, it's hard to imagine not having that friend, roommate or sibling to ask, "How do I look?" or "Does this match?" Yet millions of people don't have that someone in their lives. By the time your date arrives they are so overwelmed with self-doubt there is little chance that the date will be a success. All this is about to change. The On-Line Pre-Date Confidence Builder is designed to reassure you while providing answers to all the difficult questions that might come up as get ready for your date.
[Thanks Richard for the link]

A Gala Charity Variety Show...
What are those three words associated with theatre that make your heart sink, your brain seize and your stomach turn? They are, of course, "Gala", "Charity" and "Variety". But put them all together and you have a recipe for massive organ failure. The known killer that is, the 'Gala Charity Variety Show'.

So it was with some trepidation that on Sunday night, courtesy of Roger, we went to A Gala Charity Variety Show Live from Her Majesty's. We had visions of end of the pier has-beens, the BBC's Saturday night Seaside Special and lame cruise ship entertainers. We thought it would be really cringe-worthy. But (with a couple of exceptions) we were proven quite wrong. The show was fantastic (if a little long) and had us laughing from start to finish - sometime 'at' but mostly 'with' the acts.

The All Star Band with Donovan Blackwood : Standard house band.
Mark Raffles : 85 year old magician. The tricks were pretty lame.
The Tiller Girls : The pink feathered, high-kicking troupe in their 60s (and beyond).
The Holloways : Husband and wife play the xylophone (mercy me).
Wolfgang : Uber-cute 'Le Cirque du Soliel' performer rolls around on his huge RhonRad (!)
Paul Zenon : The Channel 4 'comedy magician' - actually very good.
The Overtures : Lame 60s tribute band.
[Interval]
Boom : Man playing the drums. Oh dear.
Paul Zerdin : Fantastic ventriloquism.
The Alexis Brothers : Oh My God. Amazing, sexy 'Le Cirque du Soliel' balance brothers.
Wally Eastwood : Breathe-taking juggling. And a nice line in self deprecation.
Tribute to Buddy : Oh, please.

It was a three hour show but it flew by. And we were genuinely surprised at how much we enjoyed it. Well, they do say variety is the spice of life, I suppose.

Summer is here...
The city is bathed in sunshine. The temperature is soaring. Boys and girls are out on the streets in their shorts. All is right with the world. Yay! I love the summer. Thoughts of SAD are long since banished.

Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk...

Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk:
1. Specificity
2. Antidisestablishmentarianism (I cant say that now)
3. Loquacious
4. Transubstantiate

Things that are downright IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk (ok, you saw this gallopping over the hill, right?):

1. Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you
2. Nope, no more booze for me
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type
4. No kebab for me, thank you
5. Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. I'm not interested in fighting you
7. Thankyou, but I wont make any attempt to dance, I have no co-ordination
8. Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street
9. You're right; I can't jump over that table.
10. Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.

[Although I have posted this before it is always worth repeating, and thanks to Richard and to Guy for sending it me too]

My Old Man's A FUCKING Dustman...
Why does our FUCKING dustman now wake us up at FUCKING 5:30am every FUCKING week throwing FUCKING refuse bags into the FUCKING street? FUCKER!

Blackberry...
I have the honour of having a top of the range Blackberry to play with for a month. Actually we have five of them on trial. I'm not sure the tag line of "more addictive than crack" is right, but it does seem to work. Not that it does anything that my XDA2 can't do. A lot less in fact. And it doesn't 'synchronise' as much as 'deliver', if that makes sense: Outlook's rules don't kick in, just server ones. Hence from the same e-mail account I get hundreds of junk mail on my Blackberry but none on my XDA2. It's a bit clunky too and even bigger than the XDA2. But it may appeal to some people in the office. Hence the trial.

Brain Teaser: Answers...
Bono & Edge over = 2min
Bono back = 1min
Adam & Larry over = 10min
Edge back = 2min
Bono & Edge over = 2min

Total time 17 mins. The gig goes on.

Brain Teaser...
Here's a variation on fox, chicken and grain crossing a river.

U2 has a concert that starts in 17 minutes and they must all cross a bridge to get there. All four men begin on the same side of the bridge. You must help them across to the other side. It is night. There is only one torch. A maximum of two people can cross at one time. Any party who crosses, either 1 or 2 people, must have the torch with them. The torch must be walked back and forth, it cannot be thrown. Do they make the gig in time?

Each band member walks at a different speed. A pair must walk together at
the rate of the slower man's pace:
Bono:- 1 minute to cross
Edge:- 2 minutes to cross
Adam:- 5 minutes to cross
Larry:- 10 minutes to cross

For example: if Bono and Larry walk across first, 10 minutes have elapsed when they get to the other side of the bridge. If Larry then returns with the torch, a total of 20 minutes have passed and you have failed the mission.

Sand...

Game...
You may have seen this wonderful little flash game created by Jakub Dvorský - Amanita before. This little masterpiece features organic graphics, smooth animation, quirky puzzles and pleasant sound.

Thanks for Bryan for sending me the link again. This game will keep you entertained for a good hour.

My Weekend...
Well, what a great few days it's been.

Thursday to Saturday was Brocket Hall. Great rooms, fantastic food, archery, falconry, horse-racing, casino, football, tennis, golf, jazz band, string quartet & clay pigeon shooting. Cool,huh? Luckily I wasn't paying!

Back on Saturday afternoon we took my Mum and Dad to go and see the fantastic Blood Brothers at the Phoenix Theatre. By the end my Mum and I had tears streaming down our faces. Marky and Dad looked on with wry amusement.

On Sunday Pete, Ken, Steve, Ian and I went to Stevie P's Soho House bash - free booze, free food and a venue packed choc-a-bloc with cute men - what was not to like?

After that we headed down to Horse Meat Disco - my first time there. It was a giggle: 70's music, a fun crowd, loads of friends and yes, you've guessed it, some cute men too.

Monday afternoon Marky and I went to see Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban at our local cinema. Great film - better than the first two. The Hippogriff (large creature; half bird, half horse) was great. The film was dark (quite literally) and well paced. Even Marky loved it and he can be a hard man to please film-wise sometimes. Can't wait for the DVD.

Dot Game...
Here's a bit of fun for a Friday. Can you click on a plain black dot when you see one? I got stuck on level 3.

Cute Kitten...
The cutest picture of a kitten - ever!

Brain Teasers: The Answers...
1. 42 seconds. Travelling at 180km an hour, the train would take 20 seconds to travel 1km and therefore 40 seconds to travel 2km, plus 2 seconds for the complete train to pass any point, making a total of 42 seconds.

2. 37 and 64

Brain Teasers...
1. A train takes 2 seconds to enter a tunnel which is 2km long. If the train is travelling at 180km per hour, how long with it take to pass completely through tunnel?

2. When you add two numbers their total is 101. When you compare the numbers their difference is 27. What are the numbers?

Brocket Hall...
I'm having to go away on business today for a couple of nights. It'll be a working trip and will cut right into the Bank Holiday weekend (boo hoo); but I could think of worse places to be than let's say, Brocket Hall. I wonder if I can sneak off to the spa while they're off clay pigeon shooting?

Doctor Who Companions...
My favourites were Jo Grant, Sarah Jane Smith, Romana and the oh so sexy Adric.

With William Hartnell (November 23, 1963 - October 29, 1966)
Susan Foreman (Carole Ann Ford) (Seasons 1, 2 )
Barbara Wright (Jacqueline Hill) (Season 1-3)
Ian Chesterton (William Russell) (Seasons 1-3)
Vicki (Maureen O'Brien) (Seasons 2, 3)
Steven Taylor (Peter Purves) (Seasons 2, 3)
Katarina (Adrienne Hill) (Season 3)
Sara Kingom (Jean Marsh). (Season 3)
Dorothea "Dodo" Chaplet (Jackie Lane) (Season 3)
Ben Jackson (Michael Craze) (Seasons 3, 4)
Polly (Anneke Wills), (Seasons 3, 4)

With Patrick Troughton (November 5, 1966 - June 21, 1969)
Ben Jackson (Season 4)
Polly (Season 4)
James Robert "Jamie" McCrimmon (Frazer Hines) (Seasons 5, 6)
Victoria Waterfield (Deborah Watling) (Season 4, 5)
Zoe Herriot (Wendy Padbury) (Season 6)

With Jon Pertwee (January 3, 1970 - June 8, 1974)
Liz Shaw (Caroline John) (Season 7)
Josephine "Jo" Grant (Katy Manning) (Season 8-10)
Sarah Jane Smith (Elizabeth Sladen) (Season 11)

With Tom Baker (December 28, 1974 - March 21, 1981)
Sarah Jane Smith (Season 12-4)
Harry Sullivan (Ian Marter) (Season 12)
Leela (Louise Jameson) (Seasons 14, 15)
K-9 Mark I (voice of John Leeson) (Season 15).
K-9 Mark II (voice of John Leeson [Seasons 16 and 18]), voice of David Brierley [Season 17].)
Romanadvoratrelundar ("Romana") (Mary Tamm [Season 16]; Lalla Ward [Seasons 17, 18])
Adric (Matthew Waterhouse) (Season 18)
Nyssa (Sarah Sutton) (Season 18)
Tegan Jovanka (Janet Fielding) (Season 18)

With Peter Davison (March 21, 1981 - March 16, 1984)
Adric (Season 19)
Nyssa of Traken (Seasons 19, 20)
Tegan Jovanka (Seasons 19-21)
Vislor Turlough (Mark Strickson) (Seasons 20-1)
Perpugilliam "Peri" Brown (Nicola Bryant) (Season 21)
Kamelion (voice of Gerald Flood) (Season 20, 21)

With Colin Baker (March 22, 1984 - December 6, 1986) Perpugilliam "Peri" Brown (Seasons 21-23)
Melanie "Mel" Bush (Bonnie Langford) (Season 23)

With Sylvester McCoy (September 7, 1987 - December 6, 1989)
Melanie "Mel" Bush (Season 24)
"Ace" (Sophie Aldred) alias Dorothy. (Seasons 24-6).

Honey To The Beeb...
Mrs Chris Evans and singer of such classics as Because We Want To, Girlfriend, Honey To The Bee and Day And Night is now going to screaming at the top of her lungs a different tune... while being violated by the Menoptra, poor gal. Yes kids, be afraid, be very afraid Billie Piper is new Doctor Who assistant.

Who Ate All The Pies?...
The FA Cup Final on Saturday was a sad game. Sad that Millwall didn't win! Ronaldo did look well fit though when he took his top off after shoring his goal. That is he did look well fit... the photos tell a slightly different story.

This from Kevin: Do you think pretty boy Ronaldo has succumbed to English footballing tradition and had a few too many pies? Roy Keane certainly looks appalled at the "wonderboy"s mid-riff bulge. Let's hope José-Antonio doesn't follow suit.

My Weekend...
What a weekend! Paul's sister Anne and her husband Paul came to stay on Friday. Paul is like The Simpsons' Otto Man in every respect. Needless to say we had a blaaaast, maaan. My head is still spinning.

On Saturday Marky and I went to my sister's engagement party out in Benington in deepest darkest Hertfordshire. Joanna and Martin are tying the knot next year and by way of marking the year's build-up Martin threw a lavish engagement party for a hundred of their nearest and dearest - huge marquee, endless drinks, disco, fully catered food, flowers, fireworks - the lot. It was just a shame is was so cold once the sun went down. It was great fun though and everyone soon warmed up once they started dancing. Roll on the wedding itself.

Sunday was a games afternoon, Adrian and Drew came over to play Nintendo. I'd recently bought a projector and after a rushed trip to Wickes and a spot of painting we had a giant white screen to play Mario Kart: Double Dash with three foot high cars. Way cool.

Ilya...
Simon, Paul, Charlie, Gordon and I went to see the lusciousness and gorgeousness that is Ilya last night at Hoxton Hall. Think Goldfrapp (circa Felt Mountain) meets Annie Lennox meets Air meets Leslie Garret meets Cleo Layne meets Anastasia and you'd be pretty near the mark.

Cool band. Cool crowd. Watch this space, kids. They're gonna be big(ish).

The video to their single Bellissimo stars our own, our very own... Martin Freeman! a.k.a. Ben's cousin! a.k.a. Tim off of The Office! a.k.a. Arthur Dent in a movie version of The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy!

Dumber and Dumber...

[Thanks to the lovely Guy for the picture]

Purple Haze...
So Tony Blair has to get his suit cleaned. Yesterday Sky News were showing and reshowing the 'purple haze' footage frame by frame : "This is the precise moment where the Prime Minsiter was almost hit" (fast forward video tape) "This is the precise moment where the Prime Minsiter actually was hit." With footage like that I bet they would have loved it if it'd been something some serious than purple flour.

Plague...
There is loud singing in the tree above me right now and the sidewalk is littered with dead bodies. Sound bizarre, right? Well this was the description by a botanist as America is hit by storm of insects. What next? Frogs? Slaying of first born?

Brain Teasers: Answers...
Fellow bloggers Diamond Geezer and Dave were both right.

1. 23 cards are missing. Making 29 left from the pack of 52. 9s into 29 go 3 leaving 2. 4s into 29 go 7 leaving 1. It was a tough rubber.

2. And that lard arse, Betty, ate 40 doughnuts in her final sitting. 1st sittings 22 x 10 = 220; Overall sittings 30 x 34 = 1020; So 2nd sittings was 1020-220 = 800; Making each sitting 800 / 20 = 40

Minipops Quiz (revisited)...
There are lots of adverts on the tube at the moment for the Observer's music coverage. They are using minipops (low res graphics of pop stars) and they are pretty much instantly recognisable. Last year David sent me a minipops quiz, it was then and still is fantastic. See how many you can get. Many more minipops at http://www.flipflopflyin.com/minipops/index.html

Brain Teasers...
1. I have a deck of cards from which some are missing. If I deal them equally between nine people, I have two cards to spare. If I deal them equally between four people, I have only one card to spare. There are normally 52 cards in the deck. How many are missing?

2. At a mass doughnut eating competition Elizabeth eats an average of 22 doughnuts in her first 10 sittings. After a further 20 sittings her average increases to 34 doughnuts. What was her average for her last 20 sittings only.

Brum...
Roger and I had a fantatsic weekend in Birmingham this weekend; Joseph, Donny Osmond, Joan Collins, Mr Egg, Boots, Simon Pegg, the Fountain, the canal, Harvey Nic's, the Nightingale, the sunshine, Dr Aktins, Eurovision, the new bullring - it was almost like Amsterdam. Almost.

Site Feed...
The more eagle-eyed amongst you may have noticed I've added a site feed to my pages. There's a link on the right-hand side bar. If you use a newsreader please let me know if it works for you and if I've set it up right. The default feed for Blogger seems to be Atom rather than RSS so that's what I'm using at first. But if anyone has any suggestions or knows if I can use both please drop me a line.

Naughty Puppy...

Arsenal Victory Parade...
This coming Sunday at 10:30am Arsenal football Club will be holding a victory parade starting at the Highbury ground and finishing at Islington Town Hall at about 11:30.

It'll be the usual open top bus and if it's anything like last time round, the route will be packed with screaming fans and there'll be a sea of red as far as the eye can see.

The parade is, of course, to celebrate the winning of the 2003/2004 Premiership title - Arsenal will actually receive the trophy after Saturday's game against Leicester City.

Shame I won't be there as I'll still be in Brum.

My Hero...
Last night Emma, Catherine, Paul, Andrew and I went to our local theatre pub, the Hen and Chickens, to see stand-up comedian Ardal O'Hanlon. Ardal O’Hanlon shot to fame after playing the dim-witted Father Dougal Maguire in the classic sitcom Father Ted. His most successful role to date has been that of Thermoman - alias mild-mannered shopkeeper, George Sunday - in My Hero. Ardal was trying out some new material prior to his nationwide tour. He's a very funny guy.

Church of Fools...
Today sees the launch of the Church of Fools - the UK's first web-based, 3D church. No, you didn't misread that. It's an internet church. With avatars and everything. It even has a sanctuary and a crypt. And surprise, surprise, it even has details of how you can donate money (£3 by texting "amen" to 83248).

Better Than I Thought It'd Be...
I bought The Streets's new CD A Grand Don't Come Easy yesterday. I've only listened to it once so far: what I hear I really, really like. The Victoria Line was screwed this morning so I got to listen to the album in full. It's a concept album in that it tells a story - albeit with a rather lame twist at the end. But it is fun, street-witty and rings true. Catch it if you can.

Worse Than I Thought It'd Be...
I bought The Magnetic Fields's new CD i yesterday. I've only listened to it once so far: what I hear I don't really like. Which is a shame because I thought 69 Love Songs was simply perfect. Maybe my expectation was too high. I will, of course, give it a 2nd chance.

Happy Birthday to you...
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday, dear Simon
Happy Birthday to you

I Close My Eyes, Drew Back The Curtain...
Roger and I are going to Birmingham on Friday for 'a boys' weekend away; we get on well, enjoy each others company and travel well together. Oh, and egg each other on.

So what will we be doing in the lovely city of Brum for two whole days (and nights)? Art Galleries? Museums? Architectural tours? Not quite.

Friday night: Sing-A-Long-A Joseph And The Technicolor Dreamcoat A chance to singalong with all the well loved songs in this specially subtitled version of the hit musical starring Donny Osmond. So dress up in your brightest clothes and sing your heart out, Any Dream Will Do..." No, really.

Saturday: Find a trashy bar. And get trashed. And watch the Eurovision Song Contest. Can't wait.

Blogger Makeover...
No doubt powered by Google's money, Blogger has had a complete makeover and it look really cool/Mickey Mouse*

There are one or two features that I'd not seen or used before and I might try some of them out over the next few weeks to see how they work. The RSS feed is one and the Blogger comment system is the other.

(*delete as applicable)

Britain's Greatest Mingers...
Last night Sky One had a show called Britain's Greatest Celebrity Mingers. A show title that had us in fits.

For those of you unaware of the term, UrbanDictionary defines a 'minger' thus: A person, either male or female, who is asthetically un-pleasing to the general public. Someone so appalingly ugly, their appearance can cause gastro-intestinal distress, erectile disfunction and/or vaginal dryness.

I tuned in just to watch the top ten count down - all listed below with Google image links.

10. Lisa Riley
09. Elton John
08. Michael Winner
07. Jordan (Katie Price)
06. Andrew Lloyd-Weber
05. Jade Goody
04. Rik Waller
03. Ann Widdecombe
02. Shane McGowan
01. Mick Hucknall

Brain Teaser: Answer...
4 remain.
(Twice 4 plus twenty is 28. A seventh of 28 is 4. The 4 that were shot remain, the others flew away).

Brain Teaser...
Twice four and twenty blackbirds

Were sitting in the rain;

I shot and killed a seventh part,

How many did remain?

Most Annoying Star Trek Cliche...
Imitating.... Shatner's... delivery...
Sacrificing the red suits
'I'm a doctor Jim, not a...'
That wretched Scottish accent
Setting phasers to stun
'Make it so'
Time travel plot lines
'Beam me up...'

So go vote at BBspot Poll Home Page. And while you're there why not check out the Most Over Used Star Wars Cliche, the Preferred Starship Control System and many other pointless but rather pleasingly geeky polls.

Death To Smoochy...
A big, big thank you to Hanko for giving me Death To Smoochy as a gift. You're a star.

The film is hilarious.

Basic plot: When he is fired for taking payola, the host for a children's television show played by Robin Williams, plots revenge against his replacement, a purple rhino named Smoochy played by the gorgeous Edward Norton.

Basically it's a satire on kids TV but with lots of effing and jeffing. And any resemblance between Smoochy The Rhino and Barney The Dinosaur is, of course, completely coincidental.

(You can click the image here for a bigger version)

Bridge of Sighs...
I shouldn't take much glee at Chelsea being knocked out of the European Championship last night at Stamford Bridge. I shouldn't...

Big Gay Out......
EPKAMG (the event formally known as Mardi Gras) which took over from EPKALLGTP (the event formally known as London Lesbian, Gay and Transgenger Pride) which itself took over from EFKAGP (the event formally known as Gay Pride) will now simply be called The Big Gay Out and returns to London’s oh-so-rainy Finsbury Park on Saturday 3rd July this year. £15.00. Hmmm. I expect I'll go. But not making any firm plans just yet.

The Guru...
We watched The Guru last night. What a load of inane twaddle. I fell asleep. What's the worst film you've seen recently?

The Best Song Lyric Ever?...
I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand, walking through the streets of Soho in the rain. He was looking for the place called Lee Ho Fook's, going to get a big dish of beef chow mein.

Do the recognise the song from these opening lyrics? And even if you don't, is this the best song lyric ever?

Well, according to BBC Radio listeners it is. It pipped Every Day Is Like Sunday by Morrissey, Lynryd Skynryd's Freebird and the Manic Street Preachers' Design For Life to the top spot. Wot? No Steps?

Oh, and in case you don't recognise it, the lyric is Werewolves of London written by Warren Zevon when "fuelled by a little too much vodka". A good song, but the 'best ever'? Nah.

Are you the weakest link?...
Thanks to Lorayne for sending me these. Of course I got every single one wrong!


Below are four (4) questions. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately.
OK? Let's find out just how clever you really are.





Ready?





GO!!! (scroll down)





First Question: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?





Scroll down for answer...










Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Try not to screw up in the next question. To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.





Second Question: If you overtake the last person in the race, then you are...?





Scroll down for answer...









Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?!

You're not very good at this are you?





Third Question: Very tricky maths! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20 Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?





Scroll down for answer...











Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100.

Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?





Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?





Scroll down for answer...









Answer: Nunu? NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary. Read the question again.

Welcome to Europe...

Today ten new countries have joined the European Union. I have listed them below. But can you name their capital cities? Cyprus : Nicosia Czech Rep : Prague Estonia : Tallinn Hungary : Budapest Latvia : Riga Lithuania : Vilnius Malta : Valletta Poland : Warsaw Slovakia : Bratislava Slovenia : Ljubljana [Thanks to Mark for the answers. Which you can get at by a bit of nifty mouse-selecting. My geography is crap!]

Too much information...
Him: I've never done this before, but may I have your phone number?
Me: Sure. (I start to write). That's my home phone... mobile phone... work phone... direct line... home e-mail... work e-mail... other home e-mail... hotmail... gmail... other home number... home web site... personal web site... home address... work address... ... ... ... ... ... and if *that* fax machine is out of paper, try the one down the hall, but leave me a voicemail if you do. (I look up) Oh. Where did he go?

Paramount Comedy Shorts 2004...
Paramount Comedy Shorts 2004 showcases completed comedy short films of up to thirty minutes. It started as a nationwide competition which saw the 107 odd entries whittled down to just the final four. And the wonderful Guy gave Marky and I a couple of free passes to see the screening of these final four films at the Curzon Soho last night and to see the final announcement. The winning film was How To Tell When A Relationship Is Over - a hilarious series of 15 vignettes of two people spilltting up. A theatrical release will follow. So congrats to them.

There was very, very cute ginger-haired man at the bar. We got free drinks. These two facts are only loosely related.

The short list was:

HOW TO TELL WHEN A RELATIONSHIP IS OVER.
Director: Tony Roche
Producer: Jim Spencer

SYNOPSIS
The story of a couple splitting up fifteen different ways.

SILENT TREATMENT
Director: Peter Lydon
Producer: Steve Ackhurst

SYNOPSIS
Why is Sara not talking to Bill? Why doesn't Bill stop talking to Sara? What could have happened at the dinner party the night before? Is Lucy at the bottom of it? Maybe it's something to do with Eddie? Surely Beth's in the clear? Oh, and did someone hit Bill? It looks like somebody hit him. Whatever happened, Sara's not telling.

A FEVER IN THE BLOOD
Director: Andrew Pulver
Producer: Fiona Caldwell

SYNOPSIS
Based on a short story by Ethan Coen, A Fever In The Blood is the tale of a private eye who loses his hearing after his ear is bitten off in a fight. He tries to set up as a 'hearing impaired' private detective, but retribution catches up with him in the end.

DANGLE
Director: Phil Traill
Producer: Tini Howarth

SYNOPSIS
A man finds a rope hanging from the sky…

Surprise!...
After much planning, many phone calls, e-mails and texts the lovely Roberto managed to pull off a surprise 40th birthday party for David in a little bar in Stockwell called The Far Side Bar last night. He'd done a really good job keeping it quiet from David and had even gone to the trouble of getting a cake. Although the word cake barely did it justice. It was a wonderful, creamy gateau. The whole gang was there to shower David with gifts and attention including David, Jason, Matthew, Richard, Andy, Kevin, Darren, Rachel, Chris, Michael, Guy, Pano, Johnny, Marcus, Luca and I. The only person missing was David's best friend, Ian, who sadly had to work. I think David enjoyed himself though. He didn't stop smiling from the moment he arrived so that should have been some sort of clue, I guess! Welcome to middle-age, David!

Goldfrapp at Popstarz...
This Friday night I'm going to see Alison Goldfrapp doing a "short appearance" at Popstarz i.e. a PA of a couple of songs. She's promoting the re-release of Strict Machine - out on the 10th May - that's been "re-worked into a white lightning glam monster". Fab.

They Say Life Begins At...
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday, dear David
Happy Birthday to you

Camden Too Gay ...

The UK Independence Party’s London Mayoral candidate has said he will not campaign in Camden Town because there are “too many gays”. Frank Maloney made the ‘joke’ comment after the official launch of his election campaign, adding that he was anti gay pride parades.

“I don’t have a problem with a lot of parades in London, but there is a problem with gay parades,” the Hamsptead & Highgate Express quote him as saying.

“I object to seeing policemen in uniform holding hands in public – it’s not a family way of life and we should support the family more. If a policeman and a policewoman in uniform were walking along holding hands in public they’d be pulled up,” he added.

“I’m not homophobic but in public let’s live a proper moral life. I think that’s important.”

You won't be getting my vote then.

Trade Events @ Turnmills on Hold...
Press Release:

The Trade Collective have been working very closely with fellow club promoters, owners, press campaigns and local police to formulate ways of
stopping the growing menace of GHB. Some venues have had some success in attempts to try and stop this becoming a problem, but for others the problem is growing. We at Trade are more than happy for any venue, holding our events, to implement any procedures required to stop GHB. With strict searching policies and other precautions, we have had limited GHB problems with Trade Events @ Egg or Trade Tours.

However it is with the deepest regret that we have to inform you that Turnmills have decided to but on hold future events at their venue, as the last Easter party led to a number of GHB overdoses. Obviously we are deeply saddened at Turnmills decision, but we respect their decision with this growing menace.

The proliferation of GHB, in recent times, is a growing menace to the clubbing scene as a whole. A few individuals are in danger of ruining some
of the best clubs in the world, for the majority of sensible clubbers. When will these individuals wake up to the damage they are doing to your clubbing scene!

Trade @ Turnmills is just the first victim of the stupidity of a few.

The Trade Collective will continue to actively work with interested parties in supplying quality clubbing in a safe environment, free from GHB, for the majority of sensible clubber.

DON'T LET GHB RUIN YOUR CLUBS

We are working on future Trade events at the moment, so keep an eye on our website and press for details.

The Trade Collective
www.tradeuk.net

Jerry Springer opera set for Broadway...

Award-winning West End musical Jerry Springer - The Opera is set to open on Broadway in October 2005. I hope New York is ready for it!

Jerry Springer - The Opera is set for Broadway...
Award-winning West End musical Jerry Springer - The Opera is set to open on Broadway in October 2005. I hope New York is ready for it!

My Weekend...
What a great weekend it was. The sun shone, Arsenal won the league, Kiki and Herb on Friday night were on fire and Saturday afternoon/evening drinking in Soho with all the gang was great fun too. So it's down in the diary as "a great weekend".

We Are The Champions!...

Friday's Four Word Album Review...

George Michael - Patience : long fantastic polished grower (rereading that, maybe I should have put commas between those words!)

Prince - Musicology : return to form? maybe

Agnetha Faltskog - My Colouring Book : gay icon does karaoke

Bonnie Tyler - The Best Of The Best : sing-a-long stuff for oldies (how did *that* get in here?!)

Human League - Dare (21st Birthday Edition includes Love and Dancing) : still oustanding remix bonuses

Happy St George's Day...
I love this picture. St Spice. What a bloater!

Istanbul: The Pictures...
Below are a few pictures from my trip to Istanbul. If you want to see bigger versions or indeed the whole set then click here or on any of the pictures below to see a full slideshow. If you run the slideshow you can just 'preview' or 'filmstrip' also.

Big Ron Gone...
Ron Atkinson has (quite rightly) resigned over his "off-air" comments on Tuesday night.

Calling Marcel Desailly 'lazy', as he did, was fair comment. In his opinion Desailly was lazy in the way he played football on Tuesday night. But Atkinson couldn't let it lie. He called him, "a lazy, f-word n-word".

Ok, words aren't necessarily racist in themselves of course. It is the intention behind them. The meaning. But I think Atkinson's meaning was pretty damn clear here. It was racism, pure and simple. Bye, Ron. Don't call us...

Gmail...
All regular Blogger users have been given the chance to create accounts on Google's new 1Gb Gmail system early - part of their beta program I think. I thought I'd at least sign up - even if I don't use it much at first: privacy concerns etc. I was somewhat surprised that there are lots of good e-mail addresses still up for grabs - but I took one that I thought would be easy to remember (the FirstName.LastName variety) rather than wacky one. Hey, you can send me a test message to my new account if you like (see new gmail link on left column).

For those interested, this is the message that you get when you join.

First off, welcome. And thanks for agreeing to help us test Gmail. By now you probably know the key ways in which Gmail differs from traditional webmail services. Searching instead of filing. A free gigabyte of storage. Messages displayed in context as conversations.
So what else is new?
Gmail has many other special features that will become apparent as you use your account. You’ll find answers to most of your questions in our searchable help section, which includes a Getting Started guide. You'll find information there on such topics as:
How to use address auto-complete
Setting up filters for incoming mail
Using advanced search options
You may also have noticed some text ads or related links to the right of this message. They're placed there in the same way that ads are placed alongside Google search results and, through our AdSense program, on content pages across the web. The matching of ads to content in your Gmail messages is performed entirely by computers; never by people. Because the ads and links are matched to information that is of interest to you, we hope you'll find them relevant and useful.
You're one of the very first people to use Gmail. Your input will help determine how it evolves, so we encourage you to send your feedback, suggestions and questions to us. But mostly, we hope you'll enjoy experimenting with Google's approach to email.
Speedy Delivery,
The Gmail Team