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The Psychiatric Hotline...
The wonderful News Guru Guy sent this out as an APB on Saturday but I thought it might be worth repeating here. As it's so funny.

The Psychiatric Hotline:

Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line until we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, please listen carefully. The voices will tell you which number to press.
If you are borderline, it doesn't matter which number you press - no one will answer.
If you are manic-depressive, please press 7 as fast as you can for the next 24 hours, and then crash for the following 24 hours.

Thank you for calling the Psychiatric Hotline.