Quote Of The Day

"Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake - Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower (1887-1956)"

Friday, April 06, 2001

Keep Britain Bona...
I was first introduced to the gay slang language of Polari (sometimes spelt Palare) by listening to Beyond Our Ken and Round the Horne in the sixties as a child. The shows were basically a star vehicle for Kenneth Horne but for me the high point of every show was the Polari-laced sketches performed by Julian and Sandy (Kenneth Williams and Hugh Paddick respectively). I was only a nipper but I loved all the outrageousness and the scandalous double-entendres even then.

Sample Julian and Sandy sketch #1
Julian: Oooh, Mr Horne! Mr Horne! I great big wave came and we were washed overboard, Mr Horne!
Sandy: We were clinging to the deck. Clinging we were, Mr Horne. To the deck.
Julian: We feared for our very lives, Mr Horne.
Sandy: Our very lives.
Kenneth Horne: How did you save yourselves? Did you manage to drag yourselves up?
Julian: Oooh no. We wore casuals!

Sample Julian and Sandy sketch #2
Kenneth Horne: Would I have vada'd any of them do you think?
Sandy: Oooaaawwh! He's got all the Polari, ain't he?
Julian: [archly] I wonder where he picks it up?
Sandy: Roll up yer trouser legs ... we want to vada yer calves.
Julian: Hmmm ... his scotches may be a bit naff but his plates are bona.

Sample Julian and Sandy sketch #3
Kenneth Horne: Hello, anybody there?
Julian: Hallo I'm Julian and this is my friend Sandy
Sandy: We are the Universal Party. So called because we're at it right, left and centre. Shake hands with your prospective member. That's him.
Julian: That's me, Mr Horne
Kenneth Horne: You Julian?
Julian: Yes, I stand behind the working man.
Sandy: And I stand behind Jule. I'm his Campaign Manager.

The Bona Years (Julian and Sandy's sketches titles)
Bona Bouffant, Bona Homes Estate Agents, Bona homes and fabe gardens, Bona Pets, Bona Tours Ltd, Studio Bona, Bona seats, Bona Productions, Bona Drag, Bona Books, Bona Tattoos, The Ballet Bona, Bona Promotions, Bona Beat songs Ltd., Bona Relations, Bona Performers, Bona Law, Bona Cruise, Bona Antiques, Bona Soulmates, Bona Caterers, Bona Nature, Bona Press, Bona Prods, Bona tax consultants, Bona Bijou tourettes, Bona Sceances, Bona Hunt, La casserole de Bona gourmet, Bona guest house, Bona TV, Body Bona, The lazy Bona Ranch, Bona Gurumat, Bona Indoor Ski School, Bona rags, Bona male model agency, Bona Gift boutique, Bona academy of ballroom dancing, Bona songs, Bona books (again), Keep Britain Bona, Bona Abbey, Bona private detective agency, Bona Language school, Bona Prince Charlie, Bona ads.

Good Links for Polari

Bold he was. Bold.

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