Kath and Kim: The UK Living (Re)Launch Party...
Let me just say I'm a big Kath and Kim fan. Huge. And I gush a lot. Ok, now on with the story.
I waited and waited and waited. Did he call? Did he write? No. Did he tell me where it was? Did he tell me where to be? Or when? No. Nothing. Not a word. The Kath and Kim UK Living Launch Party was almost upon us and Neil hadn't called. Neil, you may remember, had accosted me in the Yard last month promising the bountiful - copious invites to a big glitzy Kath and Kim (re)launch party with all the trimmings. He said he was going to be in touch. He said he'd let me know. He said a lot of things. But as the big night approached the silence for deafening. So I had to make my own arrangements in that department.
Guy (bless his little cotton socks) stepped into the breach and made a few calls. So many thanks must go to him and to Alan 'voice of the balls' Dedicoat and Richard (big man at UK Living) Woolfe for swinging it for us. We were on the guest list.
Australia House loomed large and we entered through those huge iron doors to be confronted by a large chandelier decked hall filled with people dying to meet Kath and Kim i.e. PR people, media whores, gay men and gushing fans (I shall leave you to decide which category(s) I fall into).
Guy and I headed straight for the bar and nestled ourselves next to the cutest man we could find. The drinks flowed, the crowd swelled and the canapes did whatever it is that canapes do.
Suddenly Richard (big man at UK Living) Woolfe was on stage introducing Kath (Jane Turner) and Kim (Gina Riley). Coming on in character, they ran through quite a few of their routines: "Look at moye Kimmy, look at moye, look at moye!" and "Oh alright! Chardonnay! Chardonnay! You pack of chunts!" The crowd was in hysterics.
Then we had a 'meet and greet' where basically Guy and I positioned ourselves as close as possible to Jane and Gina so we could have a chance to gush like the crazed fans we are. Our turn came and gush we did. I rabbitted on to Jane about how much I love the show, how I love Big Girl's Blouse (the show that spawned Kath and Kim), she said I must catch Something Stupid as it's really good too. Jane was saying how they're working on Kath and Kim series three at the moment and how they're going back to basics with it to let the characters shine through. I was in heaven. But all over to quick - she had been whisked away to talk to... er... TV Quick. I was star struck. I needed (another) drink.
Next we (s)talked to Gina and she was an utter blast. I showed her my Kath and Kim Drinking Game that I created (I'll try and sniff out a copy for you guys too) which she was amazed about. She asked to keep a copy - I gladly obliged. We chatted about the show. I gushed. We chatted about Madga. I gushed some more. She took it all very well. And after being whisked away by some PR woman to talk to someone else Gina made a point of coming back over to us both to say goodbye and thanks. That was so cool.
And then who should pop up on my shoulder but Neil. Remember him? The man who had let me down. Oh, he tried to apologise. He tried to say he was sorry for shooting his big media-whore mouth off and getting me all excited. But this guy was just too hurt to accepted his half-baked apologies. I just had to drown my sorrows in a very large glass of sparkling white wine. And another. And then another. And then, what the hell, all was forgiven. We were friends again. Well, I say friends... Neil mumbled something about free tickets to Mamma Mia's 5th birthday party tonight. And St Etienne's Hymns to London. And how about invites for the launch party for Queer Eye For The Straight Guy, huh Neil? You do owe me one.
As the crowds began to dwindle we collected our "How To Be Hornbag" beauty pack (containing "Ooh la la" Hand & Nail cream, "Pash Rash" Strawberry Lip Balm, electric pink "Hornbag" Eye Mask, "Scrubber Glove" Exfoliating Mit and "Kim's Fabulous Nail Art Stickers") and a bunch of us decided to pile down to the Retro Bar - much to Wendy's amusement. The Times Business section was ably represented by Ingrid, Pete and Brendan; Kilroy's MJ and Unicorn's James came too; Guy and I brought up the rear. Drinks were drunk. Friendships were made. Indiscretions were confessed. Numbers were swapped. Great to meet you all. A fab way to end a night.
So thank you, Australia House.
Thank you, UK Living.
Thank you, Richard (big man at UK Living) Woolfe.
Thank you, Alan 'voice of the balls' Dedicoat.
Thank you, Guy.
Thank you, Jane and Gina.
Thank you, Kath and Kim.
A top, top night.
What more could a gushing Kath and Kim fan hope for?