Notes From Oz #6...

Thu 30
Gavin / Bundeena / beach / Russ - (four words but packed in a lot!)

Notes From Oz #5...

Tue 28
Sydney Aquarium / seal club sandwich / saw guy showing off to his girlfriend by throwing coins at a sleeping crocodile in an enclosure. wanker / complained to attendant and got him thrown out / seal sanctuary / shark tube / found Nemo (& Dory) / sneaked out in case coin guy was hanging around / walked to Circular Quay / ferry to Parramatta to see les girls / ferry cancelled so went to Rydalmere / Katherine met me / both really well / new jobs / Emma's pregnant! / due Nov 9th / they were going to ask me but too far away! now if I moved to Oz... Bless! / beers / Lebanese in town / The Castle (hilarious)

Wed 29
Parramatta lake with Katherine / JB Hi-Fi / Westfield / fuck-up with trains (my fault) / Auburn / rain / Ashfield / Newtown / called Russ / Gavin / 'smart' lamb / Topping & Butch

Notes From Oz #4...

Sat 25th
Up at the crack / prepping for the house-warming / Sue, Paul, Patrick / cocktails @ noon / doormat / Robbie, R&B, Priscilla / Colourbox - Inside Informer, Just Give 'em Whiskey / Keith, Luke, Craig, Dave, Robert, Adrian, Rich, Steve, Tim, Kate.... etc.! / Toohey's 25cl bottles are the best / late night / volume is an issue / diazepan / couch

Sun 26th
Up at 4am / on motorbike with Craig / sack of potatoes / biker chick / Parramatta Park / Blue Mountains / Springwood / Faulconbridge / Hazelbrook / Lawson / chain / Wentworth Falls / 600m down a 1-in-1 climb / semi-naked swimming under waterfall / seminal moment / 600m up a 1-in-1 climb / Leura / chocolate fountain / woman from Prisoner Cell Block H gave us her desert / Katoomba / checked in to fantastic 1882 The Carrington Hotel / Goverp Leap / 40 mins 800m down a 1-in-1 climb / scary, slippery, dark rain forest / fairy grotto at bottom / Bridal Veil falls / life-changing experience / 800m up a 1-in-1 climb / 3 Sisters / shower / played pool in heavy metal bar / 6 scooners later / "have you got any Kylie?" / swift exit! / pizza

Mon 27th
Breakfast in grand dining room / Noel Coward / 3 Sisters walk down this time / mist / bought lamp / Norman Lindsay museum / erection over scones & cheesecake / fruity 'channel two' gal / fantastic ride down to Richmond / Windsor / wheelie over Sydney Harbour bridge / back to Lennox Street / walking like John Wayne / sore inner thighs / beers helped / Adrian at Bondi Junction / bus ride to cemetery

Blimey! I've only been here a week but it seems a lifetime.

Notes From Oz #3...

Thu 23rd

Off to have breakfast and oggle at tattooed waiter at Vangacafe / shopping on Broadway (combat shorts, 5 DVDs, PS2 game for Dave, more underwear!) / got chatted up by the guy in HMV (think he was a bit taken aback when I laughed at his name: Bruce!) / Sydney public transport is a delight / had a visitor: the man with two names (gmaavrikn) / mildy stalkerish / to The Columbian Hotel on back of Craig's motorbike (very An Officer and a Gentleman) / beers with Rich / no dinner (oops!) / more beers at Mannacle / a new show but just as camp as ever / bit of a blur towards the end (someone did bite my lip though and i had a nose-bleed and some bruises this morning - draw your own conclusions!)

Fri 24th
Slept until 3pm (oops!) / during the Commonwealth Games in Melbourne Channel 8 here are showing every single Simpsons episode (all 350?) so been glued to that / food shopping in a enormous supermarket / kebabs / Underworld / early night (big day tomorrow)

Notes From Oz #2...

Tue 21st (continued)
Didn't last out too long / awoke late / Newtown Hotel / thai on roof garden Zanzibar / Robots / 5mg diazepam / awake at 3am

Wed 22nd
Diner / St Peters / Sydenham / Bonds retail outlet / sunny / Newtown Hotel / Thai / Galaga / Galaga arrangement / 10mg diazepam / slept through

Notes From Oz #1...

Sun 19th
"There appears to be a problem with you booking, sir" / Forgot to get Oz visa! Oops! / 25 quid (kerching!) / 90 min queue for customs @ Heathrow / full body scan (a la that Schwarzenegger/Mars film) / flight changed gate twice / plane empty / impossibly perky air stewardess (asked her for baseball bat but don't think she realised I wanted to hit her with it) / very smooth flight though so soon warmed to Miss Perky / my new best friend gave me two meals & 3 bottles of wine. Bless / films Aeon Flux (looks good but crap) & Goblet of Fire (again) / lay across 3 seats & slept like baby

Mon 20th
Arrived for refueling in Singapore early / said goodbye to Miss Perky / I stayed on plane (don't think me & my illegal chewing gum were welcome in S/Pore airport!) / just me onboard with air steward so he brought me coffee & a kit-kat. Bless / bumpy flight / screaming kid / Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Tue 21st
Landed on time / raining / Dave & Craig waiting at arrivals. Bless! / warm but raining / very chilled out / quaffing coffee to stay awake

Bound For Botany Bay...

So sure enough Overyourhead is off on holiday this weekend. What? Yet again? I hear you cry! This time I'm off to Sydney, Australia to stay with my two super-sexy friends Dave and Craig for three weeks. I've got few plans (scary!) and going to take it all in my stride (who's kidnapped the old Jonce and replaced him with this laid-back replicant?). I've got books to read, beer to quaff and warm weather to bask in.

I'm traveling by myself this time; partly to rebuild some of confidence that was given a good kicking this time last year as we (long time since I used *that* word!) were in the last throes of our LTR, partly because I have no-one to travel with, and partly just to please myself. Watch word this trip: self-affirment.

And it's no bad thing to put a bit of distance between myself and London for a while. It helps to get all sorts of things into perspective when you're away.

So I'll be back in time for Easter. The anniversary of our break-up would have passed. And I'll hopefully be a happier Easter bunny for it. Advance Australia Fair.

Cheesy Puffs...

Is it my imagination or is the packaging for some snacks just 'wrong'!

What A Load Of Wankers...

The lubes has been squeezed. The knuckles shuffled. The results are in. And it looks like straight men last longer than gay men. Left-handers cum quicker than right handers. And 10.5% of straight men wank with a mate.

Adult shopping site LoveHoney.co.uk "...wanted to find out the average number of strokes it takes a guy to ejaculate when he masturbates. The Shootout Survey was a rigorous scientific study that involved more than 1,000 participants."

Check out the full The LoveHoney Shootout Survey here.

And in case you couldn't guess, the average strokes to cum? 54.

Within a Week We Killed My Parents and Hit the Road...

We saw this on a record shop shutter in Valencia. Random!
[Thanks Simon]

Paddy's Quiz Night Answers

01. Wandsworth
02. India
03. Rushmore
04. Bayeau
05. Great Britain
06. Shelbyville
07. Lesbos
08. 5th
09. 10th
10. 15th
11. C - 100 times
12. Cock
13. Sweets/chocolate, chips, crisps, biscuits, cake
14. Shorts, sunglasses, swimwear, t-shirt, hat
15. Mouth, puddle/hole, shoe, dog muck, sock
16. Horses, dogs, lotto, cards, football
17. Maggie Smith
18. Graceland
19. Suduko
20. B - colours
21. Cash dispenser (ATM)
22. Brandy, Mailbu and Whiskey
23. 10ft (8 ft to 12ft feet acceptable)
24. Horrendous, stupendous or hazardous
25. Richard Branson
26. Michael Hestletine
27. Elizabeth Taylor
28. Wednesday
29. Samuel Pepys
30. John Thaw and Dennis Waterman
31. A - 1961
32. Henri Paul
33. Sean Penn
34. Little toe
35. Humorus
36. B - 8ft

Fooking The Bill...

Love this story: "I love the UK police soap The Bill: but when they introduced a new WPC, Honey Harmon, I was so disgusted with her lack of acting ability that I emailed the producers to ask who she had shagged to get the role. No response. Then about a couple of months later there was a panning shot across the office taking in the white boards in the background: There was my name in big black letters with a ring around it in for a child sexual assault case! The bastards!"

Paddy's Quiz Night...

The lovely Richard and I finally met for a drink last night. We'd been emailing each other for some time and last night was the night to take the plunge. We found ourselves in The Green and it being a Tuesday it was Paddy's Quiz Night. Later on Kevin turned up too. Always nice to see him of course.

We couldn't help but join in the quiz. Below are the questions as far as I can remember them and aided a little by my scrawl down the answer paper margin. See how well you do (without referring to Google!). We got 25. The winners got 29.

01. What is the UK's largest prison?
02. Whose country has the lotus flower as it's symbol?
03. Which US mountain has all those US presidents carved into the face?
04. What's the name of the tapestry that depicts the Battle Of Hastings?
05. What's the largest island in Europe?
06. What is the neighbouring town to The Simpsons' Springfield?
07. What the famous Greek sapphic island called?
08. After how many years is your wooden anniversary?
09. After how many years is your tin anniversary?
10. After how many years is your crystal anniversary?
11. Scientists using the Z machine at Sandia National Laboratories have produced superheated gas exceeding temperatures of 2 billion degrees Kelvin. How many times hotter than the sun is this? A - 10x, B - 50x or C - 100x
12. In the news this week a German guy is suing his girlfriend's brother because his dog bit his what?
13. We asked 100 people what you shouldn't eat on a diet. Name two in the top five.
14. We asked 100 people what you put on during the summer months. Name two in the top five.
15. We asked 100 people what you can put your foot in. Name two in the top five.
16. We asked 100 people what you can bet on. Name two in the top five.
17. How plays Professor Minerva McGonagall in the Harry Potter films?
18. The White House is the most visited house in the US. What's the second?
19. What the Japanese word for "numeral(s) limited to a single person"?
20. Chromophobia is a fear of A - shiny objects, B - colours, or C - bright lights?
21. What did Barclays Bank first introduce n 1967?
22. What three things does the cocktail BMW contain?
23. How long in feet is a Blue Whale's penis? (within 20%)
24. There are four words in English that end in -DOUS. Name one other than 'tremendous'.
25. Who's autobiography is entitled "Losing My Virginity"?
26. Which politician was named Tarzan?
27. Who starred in 1943 film Lassie Come Home?
28. Which day of the week is an Adamms family child?
29. Who's last diary entry on May 31 1669 concludes: "And thus ends all that I doubt I shall ever be able to do with mine own eyes in keeping of my journal."
30. Which two actors starred in the Sweeney?
31. What year did Uri Gegaren first go into space? A - 1961, B - 1962, or C - 1963?
32. What was the name of Princess Diana's car driver when it crashed in 1997?
33. Who was Madonna's first husband?
34. What is the smallest digit on the human body?
35. What is the bone in the upper arm called?
36. How long was the world's longest fart flame? A - 3ft, B - 8ft, or C - 12ft?

Best Round The Horne Gag...

Last night's Kenneth Williams night was fab. Best gag?

Kenneth Horne: Doctor, do you charge your patients?

Doctor: Not the ladies... I sidle up to them.

Bum Fun at the Gym...

Bank tube station has this sign. Looks like you can join your local leisure centre - and have some "bum fun" too! Tee, hee.

Kenneth Williams on BBC Four...

Being a big Kenneth Willaims fan I shall be glued to BBC Four tonight as they have a whole night dedicated to him.

19:00: Round the Horne... Revisited. Brian Cooke, the only surviving scriptwriter from the groundbreaking 60s satirical radio comedy, adapts a selection of the original material for TV. Starring Charles Armstrong, Kate Brown, Nigel Harrison, Jonathan Rigby and Robin Sebastian.

20:30: Kenneth Williams in his Own Words. Drawing from the extensive BBC archive of footage from Williams' long career, this film allows a unique comedy talent and much-loved performer to tell his own story in his own words.

21:00: Kenneth Williams - Fantabulosa! Michael Sheen. Dramatised portrait of the popular comedian who craved fame and recognition throughout his career but was never comfortable with his own identity, adapted from the diaries of Williams himself.

22:20: Jackanory. The Dribblesome Teapots. From 1969 to 1986, Kenneth Williams presented 69 episodes of the children's story series, including this classic from 1978 written by Norman Hunter.

22:35: Reputations: Kenneth Williams. Two-part documentary exploring the eccentric actor Kenneth Williams, a man who hid his unhappiness by creating humour from misery.

23:35: Reputations: Kenneth Williams. The second of a two-part documentary following Williams through his days on the Carry On films, the chat show years, and to his mysterious death. Some strong language.

Boy George...

Last night on the way round to see Stuart after his op I popped into Expectations to pick up a little something (let's just call it an 'item') and guess who I bumped into? Boy George! He lookede shorter than I remember him. Very pale and rather plump. He was good form though.

I congratulated him on the successful resolution of his court case (him reporting a burglary / the New York police finding 12 grams of cocaine in his apartment / his plea bargain got a potential 10 years in prison reduced to £575 costs plus 5 week community service).

He said that the whole thing was "a fabrication" and he only plea bargained as he didn't have the money to fight the case. I asked him if he knew what community service he was going to have to do yet. He said no but there would be three choices. I said choose the gayest one. He laughed. Incidentally he kept fidgeting the whole time we were talking. Eventually he just bought some poppers.

It was subconscious I know but I kept sniffing the whole time I was talking to him. Oops!

Mashups...

This is a great mashups blog. Especially the video mashup of The Kinks, Prince & Smokey Robinson.

RSI...

Over the past few months my fingers have been suffering more and more from repetitive Strain Injury (RSI). Particularly in my little fingers. Stabbing pains in the middle of the night wake me up and I end up sleeping on my hands to keep them straight and so relieve the pain.

I think it's a combination of three factors that has brought it on: (1) I tap away at a keyboard morning, noon and night with very few breaks (would you believe my boss has suggested I go out more in the evenings?!), (2) I type with two fingers and my other fingers clawed up (bad technique), and (3) Stress (well, I working on that little cookie).

In the past when I've suffered from RSI I've actually resorted to sellotaping my fingers straight with tape on the back of my fingers to I can't bend them. Looks bizarre but does help.

Does anyone have any other suggestions that might help but perhaps won't make me look such a berk as having tape on my fingers?

Real Life Simpsons Intro...

Wow! The Simspons intro in real life!