Quote Of The Day

"Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake - Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower (1887-1956)"

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

I'm All Stood Up...

As some of you may know I'm starting to get back in the dating game. After being dumped last year it's taken a while for me to climb back in the saddle (or maybe that should be harness?) but I think I'm beginning to get there. Having said that I'm not really searching for anyone serious right now but sometimes it can be fun looking. Sometimes...

Why the hesitancy? Last night I was stood up. I had a date (or so I thought) and he didn't show. I sat in Bar Aquda looking and feeling like a lemon.

Which raises a couple of questions: How long should you wait for a date to turn up? I waited an hour and a quarter. And secondly, should I contact him and ask why he didn't show? Maybe it was my misunderstanding after all?

So that's twice in nine days I've been stood up. It does little for self-esteem I can tell you. But I suppose it's all part of the cut and thrust of dating. Hey ho.


  1. Anonymous10:56 am

    In this day and age of easy and instant communication, there is nearly no reason to stand someone up, and absolutely no reason not to apologise afterward.

    Unless, of course, you're a uncaring self-centred shit; which unfortunately seems to be a common thing for (available) gay men.

    It saddens me immensely that (perhaps) the herd instict - the fear of being "different" again and from that, the objectification of the gay man - in looks, in attitude, in actions - has led them to treat each other like, well, objects. Not other people.

    Of course, there are gay men out there who aren't like this. Unfortunately, they tend to be partnered with other gay men who aren't like this, reducing the pool of decent guys for the rest of us. Bastards!

    I'm 37, of average build and looks, and have been banging up against this exact problem for ten years now. I've had enough. I'm off to university next year to do something that I love, rather than waste any more time on someone I could love.

    Life's too short IMO to spend any of it wading through tossers by choice. What happens, happens.

  2. That sucks. You waited plenty long (I say 30 minutes tops) but I wouldn't bother calling - he should definitely be calling to apologise (and would if it was a misunderstanding or unfortunate incapacitation on his part). That happened to me once, but the misunderstanding/apology was made and I dated the guy for 6 months. Chin up!

  3. Anonymous4:27 pm

    Sorry to hear that! Alan and Dave above both have wise words. Personally I think the amount of time you wait could be expressed as an equation involving; how much you want the person to arrive; your current level of self esteem; how quickly you know you could meet up with a friend and what's on TV. There is NO excuse for not getting in touch. A while ago I would have said 'just walk away' but now I would be inclined to get in touch. Without being aggressive I think it's important to let someone know when they've had an impact - positive or negative. You've certainly touched a nerve with at least three of us. This could run and run!

  4. Thanks for all your comments.

    Well, I have to say last night I was rather left with the feeling "serves me right for getting my hopes up". Which I guess is a low self-esteem issue on my part. Something to work on methinks.

    Part of me doesn't even want to hear from him again actually. Why? Because I fear that *he* is going to have a go at *me* ("you got the place wrong"/"you got the time wrong"/"you didn't double check first" or whatever the excuse is going to be). I guess this is fear of confrontation on my part. Something else to work on.

  5. Anonymous1:33 pm

    Shitty thing to happen.

    But you should at least call to hear what happened....a genuine misunderstanding is possible, no matter how improbable.

    If he makes excuses that seem implausible then you need to assess the situation...but be honest with yourself. For example, if he says "Well, I only said I might pop in if my friends were going there, it wasnt a date witgh you as such!" (possible...and you took that as a firm "date" - this has happened to me!) or "I thought you were going to be there anyway, if I went or not" etc...then maybe you were the one putting too much into it...(Im not saying you were!).

    I mean, DID you speak and confirm the date/time/place and made sure he knew your mobile number the day before, for example? Its always a good thing to do if (Im guessing) it was a Gaydar date. Sometimes people genuinely forget or misunderstand... and sometimes people get cold feet for genuine, non-bastard reasons. And if you have had positive contact the day before and confirmed everything then he really has no excuse not to show or call you.

    You can be all bitter and cynical or you can do something about it. Remember that next time!

  6. Anonymous4:55 pm

    "...looking and feeling like a lemon"

    But not, God forbid, a bitter lemon.


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