The worst crime...
Went to see "New Boy" on Sunday. Too gay and cast not cute enough. The worse crime.
overyourhead - some irreverent musings by a gay London guy - crawling though technology, love and life... so you don't have to.
Tuesday, March 20, 2001
When things are going bad at work...
I really wasn't in the best of moods on my way to work this morning. Still tired from the weekend and I'd got some depressing news at work yesterday, but let's go into that now. I was sitting on the tube ploughing through (and really enjoying) my book (see left side panel) when I read this: "There is only one sure means in life of ensuring that you are not ground into paste by disappointment, futility, and disillussion. And that is to always ensure, to the utmost of your ability, that you are doing it solely for the money." Well that cheered me up no end so thanks to Michael Chabon for that. Or as we used to say at college; "Could be worse. Could be dead."
I really wasn't in the best of moods on my way to work this morning. Still tired from the weekend and I'd got some depressing news at work yesterday, but let's go into that now. I was sitting on the tube ploughing through (and really enjoying) my book (see left side panel) when I read this: "There is only one sure means in life of ensuring that you are not ground into paste by disappointment, futility, and disillussion. And that is to always ensure, to the utmost of your ability, that you are doing it solely for the money." Well that cheered me up no end so thanks to Michael Chabon for that. Or as we used to say at college; "Could be worse. Could be dead."
Monday, March 19, 2001
You've got to put your hours in...
Thursday started drinking at 7pm
Friday started drinking at 5pm
Saturday started drinking at 4pm
Sunday started drinking at 1pm
Monday keeping head down. Why don't we have duvet days yet?
Thursday started drinking at 7pm
Friday started drinking at 5pm
Saturday started drinking at 4pm
Sunday started drinking at 1pm
Monday keeping head down. Why don't we have duvet days yet?
Saturday, March 17, 2001
Penultimate Night in Sodom...
Last night the second Soft Cell gig at Ocean was more polished than the previous night and much more enjoyable for it. Five extra songs (one of them new) in the central section of the running order helped to flesh out the evening from sixty minutes to a ninety minutes. If you're going tonight don't watch the final encore though. Why? Well, on the projector screens over the bar they show the banned Sex Dwarf video. I had never seen it and it's bloody fantastic! Everyone is dressed in leather and bondage gear and throwing around raw meat and rolling around with dwarves and strippers and prostitues. It's a scream.
The complete running order then is:-
Memorabilia
Monoculture (new song - probable new album title)
Forever The Same
Divided Soul (new song)
Last Chance (new song)
Youth
Baby Doll
Best Way To Kill
The Art Of Falling Apart
Somebody Somewhere Sometime (new song)
Torch
Bedsitter
Tainted Love / Where Did Our Love Go?
Say Hello Wave Goodbye (as 1st encore)
Martin (as 2nd encore)
Sex Dwarf (as 2nd encore)
Last night the second Soft Cell gig at Ocean was more polished than the previous night and much more enjoyable for it. Five extra songs (one of them new) in the central section of the running order helped to flesh out the evening from sixty minutes to a ninety minutes. If you're going tonight don't watch the final encore though. Why? Well, on the projector screens over the bar they show the banned Sex Dwarf video. I had never seen it and it's bloody fantastic! Everyone is dressed in leather and bondage gear and throwing around raw meat and rolling around with dwarves and strippers and prostitues. It's a scream.
The complete running order then is:-
Memorabilia
Monoculture (new song - probable new album title)
Forever The Same
Divided Soul (new song)
Last Chance (new song)
Youth
Baby Doll
Best Way To Kill
The Art Of Falling Apart
Somebody Somewhere Sometime (new song)
Torch
Bedsitter
Tainted Love / Where Did Our Love Go?
Say Hello Wave Goodbye (as 1st encore)
Martin (as 2nd encore)
Sex Dwarf (as 2nd encore)
Friday, March 16, 2001
What? WHAT?!...
I was just heating up my BGTY meal in the microwave when I co-worker Tom came into the kitchen. "What are you up to tonight," he says noticing that I'm dressed head to foot in black. "I'm going to see Soft Cell," I said. "Who?", he said. He's 23 years old and he has never, I mean never, heard of Soft Cell. I am now officially OLD.
I was just heating up my BGTY meal in the microwave when I co-worker Tom came into the kitchen. "What are you up to tonight," he says noticing that I'm dressed head to foot in black. "I'm going to see Soft Cell," I said. "Who?", he said. He's 23 years old and he has never, I mean never, heard of Soft Cell. I am now officially OLD.
Last Night (in Sodom)...
The 17 years wait was over. Last night I went to Ocean to see Soft Cell. They were tremendous. Some new songs some old songs. More details later when my hangover subsides (did I mention there were free drinks all night?)
Back again (Nurofen has kicked in). Ocean is a fantastic venue, not too big, not too small - it reminds me of the Mean Fiddler in Harlsden. You can dance downstairs as there is no seating to get in your way. The flythrough doesn't do it justice. Soft Cell were amazing. Marc dressed in black, looking thin as a rake and white as a sheet. He camped and vamped across the stage with the confidence of the diva that he is - never letting the night stoop to the level of glorified karaoke. Dave Ball stoood behind his equipment looking a bit lost. The memories of the early 80s all came flooding back each time you recognised the opening chords of the next song. The running order was:-
Memorabilia
Monoculture (new song - very Soft Cell)
Forever The Same (3 hour version!)
Divided Soul (new song - nice)
Last Chance (new song - David's comment "Meet Me In My Dreams" with knobs on is about right)
Torch
Bedsitter
Tainted Love / Where Did Our Love Go?
Say Hello Wave Goodbye
Sex Dwarf (as an encore)
Marc was a Fabulous Star thoughout. My dad was right though. All he needs is tits.
The 17 years wait was over. Last night I went to Ocean to see Soft Cell. They were tremendous. Some new songs some old songs. More details later when my hangover subsides (did I mention there were free drinks all night?)
Back again (Nurofen has kicked in). Ocean is a fantastic venue, not too big, not too small - it reminds me of the Mean Fiddler in Harlsden. You can dance downstairs as there is no seating to get in your way. The flythrough doesn't do it justice. Soft Cell were amazing. Marc dressed in black, looking thin as a rake and white as a sheet. He camped and vamped across the stage with the confidence of the diva that he is - never letting the night stoop to the level of glorified karaoke. Dave Ball stoood behind his equipment looking a bit lost. The memories of the early 80s all came flooding back each time you recognised the opening chords of the next song. The running order was:-
Memorabilia
Monoculture (new song - very Soft Cell)
Forever The Same (3 hour version!)
Divided Soul (new song - nice)
Last Chance (new song - David's comment "Meet Me In My Dreams" with knobs on is about right)
Torch
Bedsitter
Tainted Love / Where Did Our Love Go?
Say Hello Wave Goodbye
Sex Dwarf (as an encore)
Marc was a Fabulous Star thoughout. My dad was right though. All he needs is tits.
Thursday, March 15, 2001
Gone West...
The leatherman from the Village People has died, aged 50. Glenn Hughes was a toll collector at the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel until he auditioned for the San Francisco band on a dare. Glenn was a big fan of dancing, computers, motorcycles and roller skating. He was buried in his "leatherman" biker clothes. I have fond memories of all of the Village People but especially the Leatherman. All I can say is "Young Man, I was once in your shoes".
The Evil Empire (again)...
In what CEO Bill Gates called "an unfortunate but necessary step to protect our intellectual property from theft and exploitation by competitors," the Microsoft Corporation patented the numbers one and zero on Monday.
And in related news...
Determined to circumvent Justice Department action forestalling the release of his powerful new operating system, Microsoft CEO and evil genius Bill Gates dropped Windows 98, coded into liquid form, into New York City's water supply sometime this past weekend.
In what CEO Bill Gates called "an unfortunate but necessary step to protect our intellectual property from theft and exploitation by competitors," the Microsoft Corporation patented the numbers one and zero on Monday.
And in related news...
Determined to circumvent Justice Department action forestalling the release of his powerful new operating system, Microsoft CEO and evil genius Bill Gates dropped Windows 98, coded into liquid form, into New York City's water supply sometime this past weekend.
More pooh humour...
Toilets. They are a refuge. Trans-cubicle communication is frowned upon, short of an appreciative laugh after a meaty trump from your neighbour. Certainly, passing little notes through under the wall would test a man's broad-mindedness as he opens the cargo doors. But, why not slip a note under the door just to see if you have a meeting of minds?
Try:-
- Are you alone?
- Do you need any more toilet roll?
- Phoar, was that you?
- Call that a plop?
- Can you call a doctor, please?
- Would you mind if I got on my hands and knees and tried to undo your shoelaces?
- I'm drunk. Are you?
- I'm on my fifteenth wipe! My arsehole is really beginning to smart. I think more stuff keeps coming out between wipes. I'm beginning to panic. Any suggestions?
Thanks to disappointment.com.
Toilets. They are a refuge. Trans-cubicle communication is frowned upon, short of an appreciative laugh after a meaty trump from your neighbour. Certainly, passing little notes through under the wall would test a man's broad-mindedness as he opens the cargo doors. But, why not slip a note under the door just to see if you have a meeting of minds?
Try:-
- Are you alone?
- Do you need any more toilet roll?
- Phoar, was that you?
- Call that a plop?
- Can you call a doctor, please?
- Would you mind if I got on my hands and knees and tried to undo your shoelaces?
- I'm drunk. Are you?
- I'm on my fifteenth wipe! My arsehole is really beginning to smart. I think more stuff keeps coming out between wipes. I'm beginning to panic. Any suggestions?
Thanks to disappointment.com.
Coke is it...
"Common commodities such as honey and sodium bicarbonate, acidic fruit juices and oils have been used through history as spermicides. Three Harvard researchers note that Coca-Cola is said to be favoured for this purpose in some developing countries and was touted in Western world folklore as a contraceptive aid in years gone by. No documentation of the soft drink's spermicidal capabilities was found, so Dr. Sharee Umpierre and two colleagues decided to test Coke in some of its various formulations in their lab. They found that Diet Coke was a most effective spermicide and the original formula Coke was also quite effective, five times more so than the reformulated "new" Coke. "Although not recommended for postcoital contraception, partly because sperm can be found in the oviducts within minutes after intercourse, Coca-Cola products do appear to have a spermicidal effect," the researchers found. "Furthermore, our data indicate that at least in the area of spermicidal effect, 'Classic' Coke is it." Thanks to the New England Journal of Medicine for this invaluable information.
"Common commodities such as honey and sodium bicarbonate, acidic fruit juices and oils have been used through history as spermicides. Three Harvard researchers note that Coca-Cola is said to be favoured for this purpose in some developing countries and was touted in Western world folklore as a contraceptive aid in years gone by. No documentation of the soft drink's spermicidal capabilities was found, so Dr. Sharee Umpierre and two colleagues decided to test Coke in some of its various formulations in their lab. They found that Diet Coke was a most effective spermicide and the original formula Coke was also quite effective, five times more so than the reformulated "new" Coke. "Although not recommended for postcoital contraception, partly because sperm can be found in the oviducts within minutes after intercourse, Coca-Cola products do appear to have a spermicidal effect," the researchers found. "Furthermore, our data indicate that at least in the area of spermicidal effect, 'Classic' Coke is it." Thanks to the New England Journal of Medicine for this invaluable information.
Yummy, yummy, yummy I've got love in my tummy...
There are lots of urban legends. Especially about rock stars. I first heard this one when it was circulating about Marc Almond and he's still trying to live it down. There are lots more urban legends here though. I especially like the rumour that the Peter, Paul & Mary tune "Puff, the Magic Dragon" is a coded song about marijuana. Not true, but who cares, don't let facts get in the way of a good rumour.
Here are some more myths (mainly false):-
Neil Armstrong:
"That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind" and "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky!"
Mariah Carey:
"When I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean, I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
Larry Ellison:
Oracle CEO Larry Ellison delivered an unusual commencement address to the Yale class of 2000.
Michael Faraday:
Scientist Michael Faraday told the prime minister the usefulness of his invention was that 'someday you can tax it.'
Lauryn Hill:
"I would rather die than have a white person buy one of my albums."
Monica Lewinsky:
"I've learned not to put things in my mouth that are bad for me."
Elvis Presley:
"The only thing a nigger can do for me is buy my records and shine my shoes."
"Stick with driving a truck, because you're never going to make it as a singer."
Elvis Presley's backup singers walked out on a concert after his racist remark that their breath "smelled like catfish."
There are lots of urban legends. Especially about rock stars. I first heard this one when it was circulating about Marc Almond and he's still trying to live it down. There are lots more urban legends here though. I especially like the rumour that the Peter, Paul & Mary tune "Puff, the Magic Dragon" is a coded song about marijuana. Not true, but who cares, don't let facts get in the way of a good rumour.
Here are some more myths (mainly false):-
Neil Armstrong:
"That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind" and "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky!"
Mariah Carey:
"When I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean, I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
Larry Ellison:
Oracle CEO Larry Ellison delivered an unusual commencement address to the Yale class of 2000.
Michael Faraday:
Scientist Michael Faraday told the prime minister the usefulness of his invention was that 'someday you can tax it.'
Lauryn Hill:
"I would rather die than have a white person buy one of my albums."
Monica Lewinsky:
"I've learned not to put things in my mouth that are bad for me."
Elvis Presley:
"The only thing a nigger can do for me is buy my records and shine my shoes."
"Stick with driving a truck, because you're never going to make it as a singer."
Elvis Presley's backup singers walked out on a concert after his racist remark that their breath "smelled like catfish."
Corker...
A farmer decides one day that we fancies doing an experiment on one of his pigs. He thinks it might be fun to see how big his pig will grow if he shoves a cork up it's bum to stop it shitting and then feed it lots of food. To help with the task be buys a monkey and sets about training it to insert a cork into the pig's arse. All goes well with the training and the day of the trial arrives. The pig is tethered to a stake in the middle of the farmer's field and the monkey presented with the cork. The monkey firmly inserts the cork up the pig's bum and the pig starts eating all the food it's given. By the end of the first day the pig has put on quite a lot of weight and the farmer is quite satisfied. Day two comes and the experiment continues with the pig eating more and more food. The pig swells bigger and bigger as the backlog of shit builds up. The pigs keeps eating vast amounts of food for the rest of that week - and then the following week too. After nearly a month the pig is so full of shit it has swollen to the size of a huge pink hot air balloon with too little eyes, four little trotters, a curly tail and one big cork. The farmer decides the experiment has gone far enough and asks all the local villagers to come and watch the monkey take the cork out. Sure enough the crowds assemble in the surrounding fields. On the stroke on noon the farmer gives the monkey his cue to pull out the cork. There's a huge explosion of shit in all directions. The people who are standing nearest to the pig are completely buried over their heads in pig shit. Even people standing much further away in the next field are up to their waists in the brown smelly stuff. Some distance away in the next-but-one field the devastation isn't quite so bad. Still it's deep enough to cover everyone's ankles. Now in this field is one of the farmer's neighbours and he's standing there laughing and laughing and laughing. "What have you got to laugh about", says the farmer, "your boots are all covered in pig shit." The neighbour says, "I don't mind about that, but you ought to have seen the monkey trying to put the cork back in!"
A farmer decides one day that we fancies doing an experiment on one of his pigs. He thinks it might be fun to see how big his pig will grow if he shoves a cork up it's bum to stop it shitting and then feed it lots of food. To help with the task be buys a monkey and sets about training it to insert a cork into the pig's arse. All goes well with the training and the day of the trial arrives. The pig is tethered to a stake in the middle of the farmer's field and the monkey presented with the cork. The monkey firmly inserts the cork up the pig's bum and the pig starts eating all the food it's given. By the end of the first day the pig has put on quite a lot of weight and the farmer is quite satisfied. Day two comes and the experiment continues with the pig eating more and more food. The pig swells bigger and bigger as the backlog of shit builds up. The pigs keeps eating vast amounts of food for the rest of that week - and then the following week too. After nearly a month the pig is so full of shit it has swollen to the size of a huge pink hot air balloon with too little eyes, four little trotters, a curly tail and one big cork. The farmer decides the experiment has gone far enough and asks all the local villagers to come and watch the monkey take the cork out. Sure enough the crowds assemble in the surrounding fields. On the stroke on noon the farmer gives the monkey his cue to pull out the cork. There's a huge explosion of shit in all directions. The people who are standing nearest to the pig are completely buried over their heads in pig shit. Even people standing much further away in the next field are up to their waists in the brown smelly stuff. Some distance away in the next-but-one field the devastation isn't quite so bad. Still it's deep enough to cover everyone's ankles. Now in this field is one of the farmer's neighbours and he's standing there laughing and laughing and laughing. "What have you got to laugh about", says the farmer, "your boots are all covered in pig shit." The neighbour says, "I don't mind about that, but you ought to have seen the monkey trying to put the cork back in!"
Wednesday, March 14, 2001
Pooh to you...
“This writing business, pencils and what-not is overrated. Silly stuff. Nothing in it.” ~Eeyore
I tend to agree but still spend my whole day rattling off missives.
“This writing business, pencils and what-not is overrated. Silly stuff. Nothing in it.” ~Eeyore
I tend to agree but still spend my whole day rattling off missives.
Top of The Pop Quiz...
We WON! We WON! We WON! Well, to be honest we didn't win but we did bloody well. 18/20. Last night It looked like I was going to be the original "Billy-no-mates". No David, no Dave, no Ian, no Darren, no Karl, no Adam, no Nikki, no chance. I was sad old team-of-one. There's nothing like being in a crowded, for it was crowded, pub on your own. Everyone else had friends and team-mates to chat laugh and play with. I was standing in the middle looking lost. Then all that changed. Wendy the fabulous landlady spotted me and after a mwah, mwah on each cheek said, "On your own? Where's your lot then?" "All sick", I said. She looked at me quizically and made the drinky-drinky motion. I made the noddy-noddy motion. "We'd better find you someone to play with then." She scooped me up and after considering and then rejecting the idea of pairing me with Peter "one-of-seven" Borg she spotted two friends of her's who obviously must have owed her a big, big favour. I was duly introduced to Corinne and Jane and perched on the end of their table. I felt a bit like a foster child meeting new parents. Will they like me? Will they ignore me? Will they resent me? As it happened we got on famously. Turns out they're coming to Soft Cell on Friday at Ocean too. DJ Lush was feeling a bit under the weather i.e. hungover from a party the night before. Wendy announced this to everyone over the PA and said that she had been to a Shalamar party the previous evening. I chipped in, "You can tell she made It A Night To Remember!" People were throwing-up with laughter I can tell you... OK, it got a laugh. The quiz itself was along similar lines to one a few weeks ago about film actors. In this one though when you hear a song or two you then have to piece together the name of a children's TV show. The clues could be a word or part of the title of the song, the band or the band members. It was great fun. Examples Metal Guru by T. Rex + Mickey by Toni Basil = Metal Mickey, Hong Kong Garden by S & the Bs + The Power of Love by Huey Lewis and News = Hong Kong Phooey (ouch!) and the rather obvious What Is Love? by Howard Jones = How. It got worse though. Motorbiking by Chris Spedding + Into the Groove by Madonna = Byker Grove (double-ouch!). We all had great fun with lots of booing and hissing at the bad puns. Generally they were all pretty easy. As you can see from our score we tripped up on two though. It's Only Rock and Roll But I Like It by The Rolling Stones + Firestarter by The Prodigy foxed us as did Alternative Ulster by Stiff Little Fingers + I Don't Like Mondays by the Boomtown Rats. Answers on a postcard...
We WON! We WON! We WON! Well, to be honest we didn't win but we did bloody well. 18/20. Last night It looked like I was going to be the original "Billy-no-mates". No David, no Dave, no Ian, no Darren, no Karl, no Adam, no Nikki, no chance. I was sad old team-of-one. There's nothing like being in a crowded, for it was crowded, pub on your own. Everyone else had friends and team-mates to chat laugh and play with. I was standing in the middle looking lost. Then all that changed. Wendy the fabulous landlady spotted me and after a mwah, mwah on each cheek said, "On your own? Where's your lot then?" "All sick", I said. She looked at me quizically and made the drinky-drinky motion. I made the noddy-noddy motion. "We'd better find you someone to play with then." She scooped me up and after considering and then rejecting the idea of pairing me with Peter "one-of-seven" Borg she spotted two friends of her's who obviously must have owed her a big, big favour. I was duly introduced to Corinne and Jane and perched on the end of their table. I felt a bit like a foster child meeting new parents. Will they like me? Will they ignore me? Will they resent me? As it happened we got on famously. Turns out they're coming to Soft Cell on Friday at Ocean too. DJ Lush was feeling a bit under the weather i.e. hungover from a party the night before. Wendy announced this to everyone over the PA and said that she had been to a Shalamar party the previous evening. I chipped in, "You can tell she made It A Night To Remember!" People were throwing-up with laughter I can tell you... OK, it got a laugh. The quiz itself was along similar lines to one a few weeks ago about film actors. In this one though when you hear a song or two you then have to piece together the name of a children's TV show. The clues could be a word or part of the title of the song, the band or the band members. It was great fun. Examples Metal Guru by T. Rex + Mickey by Toni Basil = Metal Mickey, Hong Kong Garden by S & the Bs + The Power of Love by Huey Lewis and News = Hong Kong Phooey (ouch!) and the rather obvious What Is Love? by Howard Jones = How. It got worse though. Motorbiking by Chris Spedding + Into the Groove by Madonna = Byker Grove (double-ouch!). We all had great fun with lots of booing and hissing at the bad puns. Generally they were all pretty easy. As you can see from our score we tripped up on two though. It's Only Rock and Roll But I Like It by The Rolling Stones + Firestarter by The Prodigy foxed us as did Alternative Ulster by Stiff Little Fingers + I Don't Like Mondays by the Boomtown Rats. Answers on a postcard...
Tuesday, March 13, 2001
Come on down...
The worst kind of Hell is when it's self-induced. You have to suffer all of the pain and but get none of the sympathy. You can spot the "weekenders" in our office. Come Tuesdays they're all having stand-up rows with the receptionist over their paper clip allocation or the trying to get the maintenance guy sacked over his "attitude" problem. The girl in the office next to me only slams her door on Tuesdays. Funny that.
The worst kind of Hell is when it's self-induced. You have to suffer all of the pain and but get none of the sympathy. You can spot the "weekenders" in our office. Come Tuesdays they're all having stand-up rows with the receptionist over their paper clip allocation or the trying to get the maintenance guy sacked over his "attitude" problem. The girl in the office next to me only slams her door on Tuesdays. Funny that.
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