Britain's Got The Pop Factor ... And Possibly A New Celebrity Jesus Christ Soapstar Superstar Strictly On Ice...

Peter Kay's Britain's Got The Pop Factor ... And Possibly A New Celebrity Jesus Christ Soapstar Superstar Strictly On Ice was hilarious. It ripped the piss out of Britain's Got Talent, Pop Idol, The X Factor, Any Dream Will Do, Soapstar Superstar, Strictly Come Dancing and Dancing On Ice perfectly. It got it just right; from the inconsistent judges' comments to the contestants' oh so sad sob stories.

The idea of having a medley for each contestant was brilliant too:

Heartrob R [Our] Wayne sang a medley of "Return to Innocence" by Enigma, "Love Train" by The O'Jays, "Earth Song" by Michael Jackson, "YMCA" by The Village People and "There's No-one Quite Like Grandma" by the St Winifred's School Choir.

Semi wheelchair bound 2 Up 2 Down sang a medley of "We Built This City" by Starship, "Bootylicious" by Destiny's Child, "9 to 5" by Dolly Parton, "Holding Out For A Hero" by Bonnie Tyler and "Hero" by Mariah Carey.

Oversized tranny Geraldine sang a medley of "Born to Run" by Bruce Springsteen, the theme to Born Free (perhaps best known as Andy Williams' version), "Free Nelson Mandela" by The Special AKA, "Umbrella" by Rihanna, "C'est la Vie" by B*witched and "Milkshake" by Kelis.

The single "The Winner's Song" was written by Peter Kay and Gary Barlow and is out now!

Favicon...

The eagle-eyed amongst you may have noticed a a small change in overyourhead from today. It's very small change in fact. It's a new little icon in the address bar, to whit, the favicon . It should automagically turn up in favourites etc. Well, that's the theory.

Sympathy For The Level...

On one level I'm sympathetic to charities that have lost money due to banking crisis. Of course I am. But on another level why did they have so much money in a bank account in the first place? Shouldn't they have spent it on their cause already?

I won't name names, but certain AIDS/HIV charities that I know of have huge bank balances. Can it be legal to hold on to donations and not spend them?

Motown At Fifty...

On 12th January 2009 Motown will be fifty years old. The current owners of Motown (Universal) are releasing an album in December of Motown's 50 favourite tracks. You can vote for your favourites to be included at http://www.pollthepeople.com/motown50.

For my vote anything by Stevie Wonder please, anything from Motown's disco era (especially Diana Ross's Love Hangover) and for cheese Charlene's I've Never Been To Me.

Burntherapist...

Seems a bit harsh.

Beauty and the B...Roger

Last Friday Roger and I went to High Wycombe (of all places) to see what has now become, in some respects, "our musical": the Disney adaptation of Beauty and the Beast.

Needless to say we loved it; the front projection was new (and worked really well), the orchestra was fantastic and the cast were all excellent.

Victor Spinetti...

Last night Ian treated me to a night at the Bloomsbury Theatre to see wit and raconteur Victor Spinetti. Half-Welsh, half-Italian Spinetti is touring with his A Very Private Diary - Revisted show in which he recounts tales of the great, the good and the not so good. As it says on his web site, his charmed life has brought him close to legends of stage and screen. His intimate, revealing and hilarious stories include Marlene Dietrich, Princess Margaret, Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, Sir John Gielgud, Laurence Olivier, and of course, The Beatles. Spinetti has appeared in over thirty films including three with The Beatles; A Hard Day’s Night, Help and Magical Mystery Tour.

As he acknowledged early on in the show, he has made naming-dropping into an act form. But we sort of love him for it. And polished over four decades, each anecdote is a gem.

Sunderland 1-1 Arsenal...

Oh heavens. Paul and I seem to jinx it when we travel to watch away games.The Gunners' shock loss to Hull last weekend was supposedly out of our system after we thrashed Porto in midweek. But sadly that was not to be. "It is the second consecutive weekend that Arsenal have failed to win and claim the top spot in the Premier League - and there must now be huge concerns about their title aspirations" - got that right.

It was a fun journey though. Four hours up to Sunderland and four hours back to Kings Cross. The return train journey was especially fun. The whole coach was packed with singing Gooners and when we met up with a rugby team also on board the singing rose to an even higher volume. Most of the non-footie passengers moved to other quieter carriages (I'd have done the same!) when the dancing started. By the time we reached Stevenage the rugby team had all stripped naked and where doing some rugby dance in the aisles. I was going to take pictures - but thought better of it! Thank you National Express for not being too heavy handed with all the high jinx. I spoke to the train guard at the end of the journey and he just said, "it was all good natured, no one complained and we made a mint at the bar!" Good man.

Media Training Course Anyone?...

The following is an edited transcript of Newcastle interim manager Joe Kinnear's first official press conference last week:

JK Which one is Simon Bird [Daily Mirror's north-east football writer]?

SB Me.

JK You're a cunt.

SB Thank you.

JK Which one is Hickman [Niall, football writer for the Express]? You are out of order. Absolutely fucking out of order. If you do it again, I am telling you you can fuck off and go to another ground. I will not come and stand for that fucking crap. No fucking way, lies. Fuck, you're saying I turned up and they [Newcastle's players] fucked off.

SB No Joe, have you read it, it doesn't actually say that. Have you read it?

More of that car crash press conference here...

BBC Transcript To Be Used In Wake Of Nuclear Attack...

Long before the threat of Global Warming we lived under the threat of a Nuclear Winter. The 1970s was all about how cold things would get if we were attacked by nuclear weapons from Russia. And good old Auntie Beeb had a broadcast ready to reassure us. Bless them.

BBC TRANSCRIPT TO BE USED IN WAKE OF NUCLEAR ATTACK
This is the Wartime Broadcasting Service. This country has been attacked with nuclear weapons. Communications have been severely disrupted, and the number of casualties and the extent of the damage are not yet known. We shall bring you further information as soon as possible. Meanwhile, stay tuned to this wavelength, stay calm and stay in your own homes. Remember there is nothing to be gained by trying to get away. By leaving your homes you could be exposing yourselves to greater danger. If you leave, you may find yourself without food, without water, without accommodation and without protection. Radioactive fall-out, which followed a nuclear explosion, is many times more dangerous if you are directly exposed to it in the open. Roofs and walls offer substantial protection. The safest place is indoors. Make sure gas and other fuel supplies are turned off and that all fires are extinguished. If mains water is available, this can be used for fire-fighting. You should also refill all your containers for drinking water after the fires have been put out, because the mains water supply may not be available for very long. Water must not be used for flushing lavatories: until you are told that lavatories may be used again, other toilet arrangements must be made. Use your water only for essential drinking and cooking purposes. Water means life. Don't waste it. Make your food stocks last: ration your supply, because it may have to last for 14 days or more. If you have fresh food in the house, use this first to avoid wasting it: food in tins will keep. If you live in an area where a fall-out warning has been given, stay in your fall-out room until you are told it is safe to come out. When the immediate danger has passed the sirens will sound a steady note. The "all clear" message will also be given on this wavelength. If you leave the fall-out room to go to the lavatory or replenish food or water supplies, do not remain outside the room for a minute longer than is necessary. Do not, in any circumstances, go outside the house. Radioactive fall-out can kill. You cannot see it or feel it, but it is there. If you go outside, you will bring danger to your family and you may die. Stay in your fall-out room until you are told it is safe to come out or you hear the "all clear" on the sirens. Here are the main points again: Stay in your own homes, and if you live in an area where a fall-out warning has been given stay in your fall-out room, until you are told it is safe to come out. The message that the immediate danger has passed will be given by the sirens and repeated on this wavelength. Make sure that the gas and all fuel supplies are turned off and that all fires are extinguished. Water must be rationed, and used only for essential drinking and cooking purposes. It must not be used for flushing lavatories. Ration your food supply: it may have to last for 14 days or more. We shall repeat this broadcast in two hours' time. Stay tuned to this wavelength, but switch your radios off now to save your batteries until we come on the air again. That is the end of this broadcast.

Eurobeat...

Pano, David, Andy, Kev, Tony, Stuart and I went to see Eurobeat at the Novello Theatre last night. As Terry Wogan said on tape at the end of the show, "If you liked the show tell your friends. If you didn't like the show keep it to yourself... nobody likes a whinger".

So I'll take his advice and keep it to myself.

Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer...

I met Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer yesterday to chat about virtualisation (server, desktop and application) and online 'evolution'. Well, when I say 'met' - I was in a hall with hundreds of other people. Products discussed were Microsoft's new Hyper-V and new versions of Windows (desktop and 'cloud' versions).

Looks like Microsoft will be stripping it's desktop operating system Windows Vista v2 7 down quite a bit i.e. removing email, photo-editing and movie-making apps - instead making these part of Windows Live and available as downloadable options. And soft announcing a new online version of Windows with one-click application execution, software as a service, yah-dee yah-dee yah.

So basically they are going after VMware and Google. They have a lot of ground to make up. But then they did take on IBM, Lotus, Novell...

Arsenal 4-0 FC Porto...

What a relief. After the miserable game on Saturday we needed a win. And boy did we get one. Paul and I were singing and dancing most of the match (no really). Porto weren't really up to much - certainly not what they used to be so it was a comfortably win to get our home campaign started in Champions League Group G.

My Birthday Weekend...

Thank you to one and all for helping me celebrate by birthday.More snaps here.

Arsenal 1-2 Hull...

Oh, the shame of it. The result says it all. Recently promoted Hull ran rings round us. We simply didn't deserve to win. What a contrast to last Tuesday.

The Killers - Human...

The Killers new single Human is simply wonderful. "Like Johnny Cash meets the Pet Shop Boys", as they put it. Listen here.

A Piece Of Cake...

So, yes, I'll admit it. I'm 47 today. 47 years of fun and frolics. 47 years collecting toys. 47 years of playing games. And I have to say I really don't fell much different now than when I was 7, 17, 27 or 37. I have the same basic needs - to love, to learn, to be loved, to have fun and to do new stuff.

And to that end I did something last night I'd never done before. Something I'd never thought I would ever do. I baked a cake. My first one. A lemon drizzle cake it was. And it was great fun. I got the recipe from Stuart; 6oz flour, 6 oz sugar, 6oz butter, three eggs and a lemon.

But me being me I didn't make life easy for myself. I didn't have any kitchen scales. Hmm. What to do? Well I used Google on my iPhone to find out the density of self-raising flour, used the iPhone app "Units" to convert 6oz into grams and then via the density calculated the volume of flour I needed. I then used my thumb knuckle (which is about 1" = 2.54 cm, right?) to measure the diameter of a coffee cup and calculated the cross-sectional area. Again using my thumb I worked out the height I'd need to fill the cup to with flour to get exactly 6oz required. I then repeated this calculation for the caster sugar. Then for the butter (which came in a 250g pack) I calculated the ratio to 250g of the weight of salted butter I needed (again using Google for the denisty) and measured the length of butter I needed to cut. The rest was a piece of cake.

And it turned out OK too. In fact I brought it into work this morning and it's almost gone already (the sign of a good cake?)

So there's a new feather in my cap. Perhaps for my birthday next year I'll ask for some kitchen scales though!

47...

Do you see the number 47 crop up quite a lot in films and on TV? If so, you may have witnessed, or indeed be in on, the in-joke.

The Triplets...

Last Friday Mark and I went over to see Sarah, Ben and the triplets. Dylan, Eve and Lola were in fine fettle - singing Bowie's Starman, playing ring a ring a roses and playing Gulliver (i.e. pinning me to the floor). Great to see everyone as ever. Few more snaps here.

Arsenal 6-0 Sheff Utd...

Oh my giddy aunt. Sarah, Mike, Paul and I went to the game last night at the Emirates not really expecting much. It was the Carling Cup third round and we traditionally play our youngsters to give them some experience. It also gives them the chance to pop up on the radar for potential first team places in the Premiership or European games - a sort of chance at first blood if you like. And in this case Wenger was fielding the youngest Arsenal team ever.

Well, what a team he fielded. The goals came think and fast. Bendtner, Simpson and Wilshere were superb. And Vela got a hat trick. 6-0! We took them apart.

These were the eighteen players that Wenger was picking from to play. Many not old enough to drink!:
12. Carlos VELA (Age 19)
16. Aaron RAMSEY (Age 17)
17. Alex SONG (Age 21)
19. Jack WILSHERE (Age 16)
20. Johan DJOUROU (Age 21)
21. Lukasz FABIANSKI (GK) (Age 23)
24. Vito MANNONE (GK) (Age 20)
26. Nicklas BENDTNER (Age 20)
35. Francis COQUELIN (Age 17)
38. Jay EMMANUEL-THOMAS (Age 17)
40. Kieran GIBBS (Age 18)
41. Gavin HOYTE (Age 18)
42. Henri LANSBURY (Age 17)
43. Fran MERIDA (Age 18)
46. Abu OGOGO (Age 18)
47. Mark RANDALL (Age 18)
50. Jay SIMPSON (Age 19)
56. Emmanuel FRIMPONG (Age 16)