X...

Last night Stuart and I went to see Alistair McDowall's new play X at the Royal Court in London's glitzy Sloane Square.

What a load of old codswallop. Boring, childish, trite, derivative, repetitive, unengaging, disappointing... I could go on.

"People abandoned on a space station on Pluto all go mad and end up killing themselves, you say? Okay... well it's been done a million times before. What's the fresh angle? How can you make it speak to a new generation and not just seem like a sub-par rip off of Event Horizon without the thrills or like a rubbish episode of 1980s Dr Who?"

"I can't"

"Oh"

"Well, can you at least make the play over-long and fill it with really annoying and unsympathetic characters?"

"That I can do"

"Great"

Save your money.