Quote Of The Day

"Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake - Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower (1887-1956)"

Thursday, December 31, 2009

My Favourite Jokes for 2009...

Q: Who's the nicest man in a hospital?
A: The ultra-sound man
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Q: Who covers his shifts while he's away?
A: The hip-replacement guy.
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Q: What do you call a tellytubby who has been burgled?
A: A tubby.
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Q: What is Grand Master Flash's favourite website?
A: Wik wik wiki wikipedia.
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Q: What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
A: Dr. Dre
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Q: How do find Will Smith when he's lost in the snow?
A: You look for the fresh prints.
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Q: What do you call a Mexican peeping-tom?
A: Senor Minge.
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My Uncle was a terrible ventriloquist.
When I was little he used to put his
hand up my arse and tell me to keep quiet.
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Remember – drinking alcohol can seriously harm your baby.
Especially if you're in Portugal and can't be arsed to pay for a babysitter.
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When on holiday, I like to show everyone just how British I am by offering them heroin out of my suitcase
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Really, I like to show how British I am by losing one of my children.
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I'm Austrian my children don't go on holidays.
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I'm Nigerian, I try and stop my children going on holidays, especially to America.
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I'm Pakistani and I've been on holiday in Britain for 27 years now.
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I'm Brazilian and I avoid the Tube when on holiday.
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I'm Chinese and our regulations for holiday luggage can be really strict.
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I'm French and I surrender
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I'm American and I don't get it.
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I'm Maddie, and I'm still on holiday!

[Feel free to reuse these and pass these off as your own - I did!]

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