FIFA Officials Open for 2030 World Cup Bribes...

ZURICH—Looking ahead to the future after concluding the 2022 World Cup, FIFA officials announced Tuesday that they were officially open for 2030 World Cup bribes. “Given the time it takes to prepare to host a sporting event of this magnitude, the FIFA selection committee would like to accept a winning bribe as soon as possible,” said FIFA president Gianni Infantino, adding that the organization was thrilled to accept joint payola from the U.S., Canada, and Mexico to host the 2026 World Cup and hoped to get an even bigger kickback from a nation or nations looking to host in 2030. “As stewards of a global game, we’re always looking to expand the World Cup to other regions of the world, and we would be very interested in a bribe from a country in, say, East Asia or Northern Africa. We understand that not every potential host can pay off FIFA at the scale we require, but there are many nations out there that could certainly afford consideration by sending a few sweeteners our way.” At press time, FIFA announced that the bribing window was closed and that it would hold the 2030 World Cup on Jeff Bezos’ Beverly Hills estate.