The (not so) Wonderful Wizard Of Oz...

Well what a load of crap that was. Three hours of my life I'd like back please.

It was at times; boring, frustrating, twee, badly acted, cheaply realised and a waste of effort. We just didn't care about anyone on stage. Even the 'flying' monkeys looked embarrassed.

With such a strong identity as The Wizard Of Oz with its Dorothy, Tin man, Scarecrow, cowardly Lion, Wicked Witches and ruby slippers it couldn't fail, right?

I chiefly blame the piss-poor production values for the awfulness of it all. A twister as a spinning graphic, anyone? An Emerald City as a crude squiggle on a projector screen? I don't think so.

All involved should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves.

The best thing in it (which isn't saying much) was Toto. But small wonder the dog playing him was so fat. They had to bribe him with food to do every little thing so he all but waddled. Apparently they rotate the dogs so by October they'll be four fat dogs looking for gainfully employment.

We should have walked out along with all the other people at the interval but, no, we stuck it out. At ￡50 a ticket (plus booking fee) we felt it couldn't get any worse. How wrong we were.

Dismay turned to derision in the second half as we either groaned or snorted at each ill-judged stumbling step down the increasingly pallor yellow brick road.

God, we were pleased when it finished (stopped?) The audience rose as one and scrambled for the nearest emergency exit like survivors from plane crash. If only we'd had oxygen masks dropping down it might have saved us from the stench coming from the stage.