Up at The O2...

Last Sunday Tim, Andrew, Michael, Andrew, Andy, Kev, Stu and I went Up at The O2 to celebrate Stu's birthday.

Well worth it. Great fun and great views.

At just £22 each you get 90 mins total (30 mins intro/training/kit, 15 mins climb, 15mins at top, 15 mins down and 15 mins to get changed.)

Marc Almond at Shepherd's Bush Empire...

Last Monday was Marc Almond's 55th birthday and Dave had bought me a ticket to go and see him in concert at the Shepherd's Bush Empire in London's glitzy West London.

Along with Dave we were joined by Darren, Paul and Simon - oh and 2000 other devotees.

It was a tremendous gig. Marc was in good voice and obviously very happy to be there. The crowd loved it too - well, except Darren who hated it as did Simon (who left halfway through). One for the fans maybe? But that's who was there! Lots of self-penned work, a Northern Soul section and pleasingly few 'hits'.

There were some great great reviews, notably The Arts Desk and The Guardian.

As Marc himself said on Twitter:-

@MarcAlmond: To those that enjoyed and appreciated the show thank you, you get it and understand.thank you for your cards and gifts.
@MarcAlmond: To the disgruntled in the usual moaning areas, time to go away and follow someone else. You'll never be happy, I CAN'T BE WHAT YOU WANT,
@MarcAlmond: All I all in my top 3 Me shows. Atmosphere,crowd, musicianship,songs,vocals,brass and BV's,sound,glitter canon,emotion,4 me gig perfection.

And here's the setlist:-

The Stars We Are
These My Dreams Are Yours
Redeem me
I Who Never
Under Your Wing
There Is a Bed
The River
Waifs and Strays
The Sea Still Sings
Trials of Eyeliner
Sandboy
Tale of a Tart (Hell)
Vanity, Poverty, Revenge
Your Aura
Nijinsky Heart
You Have
Always
This Beautiful Day
Night Owl
Love's Gone Bad
This Love Starved Heart of Mine
After Laughter (Comes Tears)
Run Like the Devil
The Night
Tainted Love
What
I'll Be Gone

Encore:
'Happy birthday Marc'
Jacky
Hot love

Booth Maps...

Charles Booth was one of those remarkable English Victorians who can justly be described as one of the great and the good. Profoundly concerned by contemporary social problems, and not a pious nor even a religious man, he recognised the limitations of philanthropy and conditional charity in addressing the poverty which scarred British society. Without any commission other than his own he devised, organised, and funded one of the most comprehensive and scientific social surveys of London life that had then been undertaken. Booth also added his voice to the cause of state old age pensions as a practical instrument of social policy to alleviate destitution in old age, established as one of the commonest causes of pauperism. Simultaneously he was a successful businessman, running international interests in the leather industry and a steam shipping line.

One of Booth's greatest acheivements was the survey into London life and labour and the maps he created. These maps were of London coloured street by street to indicate the levels of poverty and wealth. They show a fascinating insight into London life in the late 1800s.

They also form the basis of a recent BBC television show The Secret History of Our Streets - a six-parter, with each episode telling the social history of a particular London street.

As an example, click here to see the map of where I now live.

Hit Factory: Live (cancelled)...

The Hit Factory: Live event celebrating 25 years of PWL and the Stock, Aitken and Waterman sound due tonight is now not going ahead.

Hyde Park took a battering over the weekend after torrential rain fell during Wireless Festival transforming the site into a mudbath.

Safety inspectors declared the turf in front of the main stage unfit this morning meaning the 1980s extravaganza had to be cancelled.

Organisers Live Nation and the Royal Parks decided the site was unsafe for fans and production crew.

Kylie Minogue, Steps, Jason Donovan, Bananarama, Rick Astley, Dead or Alive, Ray and Anita from 2-Unlimited, Lonnie Gordon, Princess, Sybil, Hazel Dean, Sinitta, Sonia, Pepsi & Shirley and Brother Beyond.

So looks like it's not going to be happenin' all over again. We've been so very unlucky, unlucky, unlucky, unlucky.

Hit Factory: Live Rehearsals

Torch Song Trilogy...

Last Friday Stu, Darren, Andy, Kev, Andrew, Michael, Andy, Tim, Joao, David S, David C, Mark and I went to see Torch Song Trilogy at the Menier Chocolate Factory in London's glitzy London Bridge Quarter.

We met up for a beer and nosh at the Southwark Rooms first just to get us in the mood.

Written by award-winning actor and playwright Harvey Fierstein Torch Song Trilogy tells the story of Arnold, a drag queen; his life and loves. It's divided into three parts 1971, 1973-9 and 1980.

1971: Arnold meets Ed and they fall in love. Ed, however, is uncomfortable with his sexuality and he leaves Arnold for a girlfriend, Laurel.
1973-79: During Christmas, Arnold meets the love of his life, a male model named Alan. They settle down together, later spending a weekend with Ed and Laurel in the country, where their relationship is tested but endures. Eventually, they apply to foster a child together with a view to adoption. However, Alan is killed in a homophobic attack.
1980: Months later, in the spring of 1980, Arnold's mother comes to visit from Florida, but her visit leads to a long-overdue confrontation. Arnold's mother disapproves of Arnold's homosexuality and is shocked to learn of Arnold's planned adoption of a gay teenage son, David. They have a series of arguments where Arnold demands that she accept him for who he is, insisting that if she can't then she has no place in his life. The following morning, before she returns to Florida, they have a conversation where, for the first time, they seem to understand each other. With both David and Ed (who is now more mature and settled) in his life. Arnold's life is finally complete.

Arnold is played by larger than life David Bedella who's virtuoso rather steals the show. His on-again off-again bisexual lover Ed is played by Joe McFadden.

It's funny, moving and a darn good night out.

Dame Mary Archer...

I'm sure Mary Archer deserves her Damehood but when she was my chemistry tutor 30 years ago at university she was an utter cow. "What do you call this? No, no!" All I could think at the time was, "you bloody deserve your husband, you do!"

Notes from a DIY Dust Bowl...

The redecorating project in Calabria Road continues apace. Annoyingly two of the bedroom windows were missing from the original window delivery which has rather delayed the whole double-glazing project. They have now been reordered but of course there's a 3 week waiting time - these things happen I suppose. Once these final two have arrived and been installed and the dust has (literally) settled then starts the business of making-good the interiors and the outside decorating. I've had a new roof put on the flat-roofed extension at the back as it was in a bad way and it looks like the back wall on the ground floor has some rising-damp. More expense - but the couple who live downstairs are splitting those costs with me so it's not too bad. Once the main structural stuff is completed there are a few more bits and bobs to do - a new extractor fan for the main bathroom, a replacement one for the second bathroom, a few old holes in the exterior walls to be capped off, the front wall to be pepped up and the front yard to be concreted and tiled. Then there's just the front door to be redone, a new internal front door to be fitted and then we can start the major interior decorating project. Oh and the new kitchen to be designed and installed. Never a dull moment with a house, huh?

Secret Cinema was... Prometheus

Prometheus, are you seeing this? 


Secret Cinema presented Ridley Scott's Prometheus in Euston, London, throughout June, transforming a vast abandoned warehouse into the Brave New Ventures/Weyland Industries embarkation terminal and spacecraft.


The journey of one key employee, Elizabeth, has been documented in the film here. The photographic report was filed here. A press report can be found here.


Following the discovery of Star Maps in caves across the world, over 25,000 Secret Weyland Industries employees travelled to the distant planet LV-223 to search for their creators. They dined at the Future Paradise, the secret restaurant aboard on the ship.


Many went through a strict BNV training programme in the leadup to the missions to ensure all recruits were prepared for the trials to come.


After hypersleep and landing, the Brave crew headed through the airlock onto the planet surface in search of our origins. Some were contaminated. All were evacuated to the escape pods and addressed by Captain Ridley Scott from the upper deck. An important message was then relayed.


We thank our esteemed music partners, Radiohead, for creating a soundscape to enhance the mission across the many dark spaces aboard Prometheus. Thank you for investing in BNV. We shall see you very soon for more adventures. Follow us on Facebook and Twitter for the latest news.


BRAVE NEW PARTNERS
We would like to thank our visual effects partner Framestore, lighting partner Panalux, drinks partner Diageo, projection partner Dolby 3D, travel partner Virgin Trains, car partner Honda and all our contributing partners for their commitment to our vision.


BRAVE NEW PHOTO AND VIDEO COMPETITION
All crew that boarded the ship are requested to submit their photographic and video evidence here. These will be carefully analysed by our Guidelinks at base, with the three most truthful representations of the journey being awarded three pairs of places to the next mission.


FUTURE CINEMA PRESENTS...
From the creators of Secret Cinema comes a brand new way of seeing new films, don't miss Secret Screenings this Wednesday. Tickets here. May the 4th of July be with you. Future Cinema takes over Wilderness Festival on the 10th to 12th of August, featuring Bugsy Malone and La Haine. Tickets here.

Higgs Boson Found...

Finally! A Higgs boson-like particle discovery has been claimed at Large Hadron Collider in CERN. Or as some people put it, "Higgs boson: scientists 99.999% sure 'God Particle' has been found"

• The Standard Model is the simplest set of ingredients - elementary particles - needed to make up the world we see in the heavens and in the laboratory


• Quarks combine together to make, for example, the proton and neutron - which make up the nuclei of atoms today - though more exotic combinations were around in the Universe's early days

• Leptons come in charged and uncharged versions; electrons - the most familiar charged lepton - together with quarks make up all the matter we can see; the uncharged leptons are neutrinos, which rarely interact with matter

• The "force carriers" are particles whose movements are observed as familiar forces such as those behind electricity and light (electromagnetism) and radioactive decay (the weak nuclear force)

• The Higgs boson came about because although the Standard Model holds together neatly, nothing requires the particles to have mass; for a fuller theory, the Higgs - or something else - must fill in that gap

Rather embarrassingly I was just 'invited' to give a brief talk about the Higgs in front of everyone in the office.

I used David Miller's now infamous analogy of the Higgs field as being like Margaret Thatcher moving through a crowded room, gaining mass as other people congregate around her.

The Higgs boson is the quantum of the Higgs field. This field interacts with other particles - this is called the Higgs mechanism. This interaction gives those particles their mass. The Higgs boson is indeed far more massive than many other particles - including the proton - but it 'gives' it it's mass, it is not a sub-particle of it. In the same way you 'might' give me a beer but not be part of me.

And by 'beer' I mean absorption of Nambu–Goldstone bosons arising in spontaneous symmetry breaking.


Think of the Higgs as omnipresent treacle. The bigger you are and the faster you try and move - the heavier you seem.

The reason why particles stop after a few inches in those bubble chambers is usually because they have hit something else with mass. Mass that's been created by the Higgs mechanism.

Higgs (fields, bosons & mechanisms) operate throughout all of space - even in a vacuum. A bit like an electric field does. In fact Higgs bosons are actually lurking 'invisibly' in every vacuum so if you blast enough energy into a particle collision one might actually pop into existence. This is what CERN have managed to do.

Stuart's 39th Birthday...

Wishing a very Happy Birthday to my darling Stuart today.

I've bought him a new fridge for his birthday. You should have seen the way his lit face lit up when he opened it.

Bryn & Andrew's Wedding...

Such a great day. Wonderful people, Bryn looked amazing and tears of joy all round.

(More details soon)

LA to Laguna Beach...

We drove around LA yesterday morning; Sunset Boulevard, Hollywood sign, Hollywood Boulevard, Grauman's Chinese Theatre, Santa Monica Boulevard, Beverley Hills and then Santa Monica itself.

After that we drove south out through Orange County and on to our next destination, the beautiful Laguna Beach.

We were booked into the Laguna Beach Hotel - as recommended by Bryn: whose wedding we would be attending on the Saturday.

Bryn came to meet us at our hotel - right on the beach - along with her great mate Cora. We quaffed cocktails, chatted, laughed and drank some more. Last time we four were together we all but got thrown out of a hotel in New York!

Then we headed for some great food, some more laughter and a mosey about this very arty town.

Saying our goodbyes at the beach Stu and I headed back for an early night. It'd been a long day and the sea air was making us sleepy - well, that and the gin-based cocktails!

Sunset Boulevard...

Last night we were channeling Donna Summer. This morning it's all gone very Norma Desmond - blackout curtains and dark glasses. Aw, my head.

Definitely NOT ready for my close up.

And no, no pictures today please.

You'll find me face down dead in the swimming pool.

I like a good beer buzz, early in the morning...

All I wanna do is have some fun. I got a feeling I'm not the only one.

All you want to do is have some fun until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard.

From San Fran to LA...

We are currently flying down from San Francisco to LA. The flight has wi-fi so I thought I'd take snap and say hi from 10,000 feet up.

No one has started using Skype... yet! "I'M ON THE PLANE!"

Having lots of fun here on the West Coast. The weather is great and the people are friendly.

LA here we come!

Alcatraz and Angel Islands...

It had to be done... yesterday we took a trip to both world famous islands; Alcatraz and Angel in San Francisco bay.

We kicked off the day with a cable car ride all the way up Powell to Fisherman's Wharf. We then legged it round to Pier 33 to the ferry boats.

The trip over was short and sweet - great views of the city and the Golden Gate Bridge.

Once we got there, Alcatraz Island was way more interesting than I thought it'd be. Lots of history and really well presented. Ok, way too many tourists but we coped. Just.

Angel Island was Ok too but we could have perhaps done without the hour long tram tour.

Trevor Hogan...

Stu and I had a lovely day yesterday with Trevor. He's lived in the United States for twenty odd years but not lost his humour or his accent.

We had lunch in the Castro, Trevor then took us on a tour including Twin Peaks, Golden Gate Park, the beach, Lombard Street and back to his neighbourhood where we went for beers, a barfly chat and then on to dinner.

So nice to catch up with him and reminisce about the good old days. And have a bit of a bitch too!

San Francisco Gay Pride...

It was a long day. Long, hot and fabulous.

We were up early from an early night and had a super duper diner breakfast at Lori's. Then we traipsed down to Market to watch the parade go by.

Five hours it took. We went home at one point to have a break and came back to watch the rest. Epic.

There were the usual marchers; dykes on bikes, leather men, dance troupes, social groups, pressure groups, politicians, celebrities, bikers, recyclers, party animals and animal refuges. You name it.

After we'd had our fill we ambled over to City Hall where 5 blocks had been given over to hedonistic entertainment. Beers, dancing, 26 stages of music and mayhem. We loved it. Hundreds of thousands of people having a good time. And everyone seemed so good natured too. A perfect afternoon.

And being determined to guild the lily we headed over to the Lone Star Saloon to chat with dozens of people making firm friends and plans in vino veritas.

We left when we had enough and fell into our bed with just the right mixture of jet lag and tipsy. A good day.

San Francisco Tour...

On our first full day we decided to do the whole touristic thing. A full 5 hour tour including boats, buses and walking. Much of it I'd seen before on previous trips to SF but then much I hadn't. Besides, travelling with Stu meant I was seeing with fresh eyes anyway.

Prior to the tour we went to Lori's Diner on Powell and a mammoth country breakfast with all the trimmings.

The tour itself started at the port of San Fran and took in the following:-

▪ The Ferry Building
▪ Sausalito
▪ Golden Gate Bridge
▪ Chinatown (guided walk)
▪ Palace of Fine Arts
▪ Nob Hill
▪ Ferry/Bay Cruise
▪ Grace Cathedral
▪ Lombard Street - Downhill Walk
▪ Golden Gate Park
▪ Japanese Tea Garden
▪ De Young Museum Lookout Tower
▪ Alamo Square Park "7 Sisters"

After this epic tour I was not only tired and hungry but needed my bed. The jet lag was sure catching up with us both so we settled for a Maccy Dee on the walk back and headed for our the hotel. Early night for us.

Lone Star Saloon...

We arrived safe and sound in San Francicso on Friday. The flight wasn't too bad - assisted as I was by a glass or two of vino and a sleeping pill.

Having gained 8 hours on the clock our 10 hour flight meant we arrived the same early afternoon that we had taken off so there was plenty of time to explore the city in the Friday night.

Bush, Powell, Market, Folsom and Harrison. We walked them all, eventually stumbling upon the Lone Star Saloon - a friendly bear bar. We got comfy on a couple of bar stools and gratefully accepted the free BBQ pork sandwiches offered by the barman and flirty conversation by the patrons.

We were settling in just fine.

San Francisco Bound...

Off to the West Coast for 10 days. First stop San Francisco. Turns out it's San Francisco Gay Pride weekend too. Whoop, whoop. Twiggy, better pack those feathers!

The Late Ian Martin...

Below is the eulogy I gave at Ian's funeral on Tuesday. I was the last to speak after moving tributes from his good friend Jane and.a glowing tribute from his ex-work colleague Edward. I wasn't going to let him get off quite so lightly however...


The Late Ian Martin

Hello everyone

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. This means I'd be better off in the coffin there with Ian than doing this eulogy.

I would like to share a few personal recollections I have of Ian. I hope don't offend too many people. But if I do... well, it's what Ian would have wanted. And don't worry Ian. I've edited.down to 5 minutes tops.


Ian always encouraged me to edit. Once when I came back from holiday and had taken over 2,000 photographs Ian paused for a moment and said, "just show me the best one."

Brave, cheerful, generous, a go-getter, a leader, motivated, organised, magnanimous, fresh, fragrant, and optimistic. These are all words I have never heard associated with Ian Martin. Ian was a lovely man but not without his (how can I put it?) idiosyncraticuses.

He was a funny man was Ian. Witty, social, sharp, bright, intellectual, and also friendly, welcoming to strangers in particular other people's new partners.

But he could also be a bit of a bitch. He loved to gossip and I've lost count of the times his face took on a very fixed expression, he'd look off sideways and mutter "You *do* know that 'so and so' is doing 'such and such' to 'you know who'!" It was always a delight talking to Ian. "If you haven't got anything nice to say... come and sit next to me!"

The last time I saw Ian naked he was in 2006. It was a Sunday afternoon and we were both in club for (cough) like-minded gentlemen near Southwark. Ian was stood at the bar with his usual lager-top hovering near one hand and ash-heavy fag in the other. His eyebrows shot up when he noticed me approaching. "Hello" he said through his smile. His eyes only momentarily darted down to check me out. Ever the gentleman. But I knew it would give him ammo for gossip. Ian did like to gossip. We chatted for a while. He made me laugh. Ian always made me laugh. Others glared at us. Standing there as naked as the day he was born he saw the funny side in everything. "Not much cop here today. Thought I might go and look over there" - nodding at a direction into the gloom - "Good bye!" He was like that, Ian. Could disappear very quickly when he wanted. Especially when there was a chance of knee-trembler.

Ian was a heavy smoker. He smoked like a chimney. In fact most chimney's would feel insulted to associated with Ian's nicotine habit. And he did nothing to stop me falling off the non-smoking wagon either. "A perfectly functional arrangement, no? You buy the beer - I give you a fag or two" Very Ian. Practical when it came to pleasures. To the point.

Ian could be a lazy article but one thing he would get out of bed for was being a 'plus one'. "If you ever have any spare tickets or someone's dropped out last minute you know where I am." And so Ian has joined us at numerous plays, musicals, concerts and other events all for free and all very last minute. When I started actually including him in bookings he loved it even more. "Oh! Thank you, I'd love to." The last message I got from him was about one such event - Torch Song Trilogy. He was thrilled to be included - messaging me with "Yes, yes, yes please. Love those intimate theatre soirees! Thank you so much." He was a very well-mannered man. Especially when he wasn't paying.

Ian loved fireworks. Perhaps being born on November 5th this was meant to be. I couple of years ago Ian wrote a short poem on his blog about men and fireworks which I think rather sums up his later dating years.

"Truly it is said: men are like fireworks.

Many of them look impressive in the box, but often prove disappointing, proving difficult to set alight.

Once in a while, you may find one that arcs high above the others, leaving only the warm glow of a dazzling display.

But most just make a lot of noise, fizzing away unpredictably, leaving you uncertain whether they've completely finished.

And a few just lie there, spluttering, on the floor.

But the ones you really need to look out for... are the ones that go off in your hand."

Those of you who were betting that I couldn't get through his without mentioning the word 'acerbic' have just lost their bet. Ian relished in being, and being thought of as, acerbic. Once we all had a perfectly pleasant evening in the Retro Bar in which Ian, David and I took part in a Pop Quiz. We lost. Just. Afterwards I think I told our assembled group what I believed to be a short, punchy and funny anecdote. The next day Ian wrote on his blog, "David wanted to veto two perfectly correct answers and didn't even blush when his errors were revealed. And after Jonce's story the bar resembled nothing so much as Sleeping Beauty's palace ten years after the fairy's curse. Acerbic? Moi?".

There is one last thing I need to say about Ian.

Ian was always late. A late riser. A late attender. We'd be on a street corner waiting for him, or sitting in our theatre seats with a vacant seat next to us just before curtain-up, or our waiter would be hovering at our restaurant table tapping him pencil on his pad impatient to take our order. The mobile phone would buzz, "Sorry, running late. Be there in 5."

Ian stayed up late, Ian worked late, and as I mentioned Ian turned up late. And as many of us had long predicted, and he would no doubt find very funny, he has had the last laugh again. After eight weeks since his passing - he's turned up late for his own funeral.


Just before we bid a final Farewell I'd just like to thank Jane, David, David and Andy for all their help in organising the funeral. Ian would have been touched.


Farewell

Now I'd now like to say a final Farewell to Ian on behalf of all of us here today, and those of us who would have liked to have been here.

Ian Martin was a lovely man. He loved life. He loved people. And he was much loved in return. We loved his good humour, loved his humility, his encyclopaedic knowledge, his talents as an editor, his self-awareness, as a writer, as a god-father, and as a friend. He will be greatly missed. Probably more than we can say here today.

Ian once said to me "When I die I hope I won't be forgotten too quickly." You won't Ian. You won't. Goodbye old friend.

Ian Martin's Funeral...

Ian Martin's funeral yesterday went well. We had between 40 and 50 people at the East London Crematorium which was a good turn-out.

We all congregated outside for a while in the glorious sunshine and in doing so finally got to meet Ian's great friends Jane and Paul. Jane had done much of the arrangements for the funeral and had given Andy and I much of the info needed to register Ian's death and gain the death certificate last week.

David C had created a marvellous order of service for us and he, David S and Andy R were all pall-bearers.

The music we walked in to the crematorium was ELO Mr Blue Sky.

Jane spoke first. It was very moving and really quite illuminating. Ian had moved around, lived in various countries and lead a fairly colourful life before we had all met him. She described Ian as the brother she never had which was particularly poignant.

Then we heard Kirsty MacColl's Days.

Edward Roussel of The Daily Telegraph spoke next. He has glowing things to say about Ian's time there. He seemed to be the ne  that brought the Telegraph into the digital age.

Then we heard Abba's The Way Old Friends Do.

I then gave a short eulogy of some personal recollections of my time knowing Ian. Hopeful I didn't guild the lily too much. I'll post it later.

I then thanked a few of the people who had helped make the funeral happen and gave a final farewell to Ian before pushing the button to close the curtains.

Finally we heard Erik Satie's Gymnopedies.

After the funeral Jan had arranged cars for us all to go to The Royal Oak in Columbia Road. I'd spoken to the landlady Naomi there last week and had arranged for them to open up especially for us for the day and they layed on a beautiful spread for us. Emma and Johnny behind the bar were fantastic.

About 30 people turned up and we ate, drank, toasted and reminisced about Ian for about six or seven hours. As the evening approached people drifted (and in some cases staggered) off back to their own lives.

David C, David S, Andy and I promised that we would go up and see Jane and Paul in August at the Rectory that they owned with Ian once we have Ian's ashes to scatter.

And in November, around Ian's birthday, we are thinking of planning a memorial which we hope will include some of Ian photography called Blooms & Bangs. More later.

RIP Ian.

The Last of the Haussmans...

Last night Stu, Ollie, Toby and I went to see The Last of the Haussmans at the Lyttelton Theatre part of The Royal National Theatre on London's glitzy South Bank.

The Last of the Haussmans is a new play by Stephen Beresford starring Julie Walters as the anarchic, feisty but growing old, high society drop-out Judy Haussman who holds court in her dilapidated Art Deco house on the Devon coast. Rory Kinnear and Helen McCrory play her wayward offspring.

After an operation, Judy Haussman’s joined by said offspring Nick and Libby, sharp-eyed granddaughter Summer, local doctor Peter, and Daniel, a troubled teenager who makes use of the family’s crumbling swimming pool. Together they share a few sweltering months as they alternately cling to and flee this louche and chaotic world of all-day drinking, infatuations, long-held resentments, free love and failure.

The play examines the fate of the revolutionary generation and offers a funny, touching and at times savage portrait of a family full of longing that’s losing its grip.

The three main cast were excellent. The play is a little baggy though. Maybe it'll tighten up through the run.

"The only thing to be in life is a rebel."

"Let’s show this younger generation what it’s all about! Shall we get naked?"

Apple iOS 6 Messaging Is So Gay...

Coming in iOS6 messaging to an iDevice near you soon - gay and lesbian emoji icons. So sweet. Shame neither the gays nor lesbians are smiling though.

Ian Martin's Funeral Arrangements...

Ian Martin's funeral will be on Tuesday 19th June, starting at 10.30am, at the East London Crematorium, 230 Grange Road, Plaistow, E13 0HB.

A celebration of Ian's life will then be held from midday in The Royal Oak 73 Columbia Road E2 7RG with food and drink.

If you knew Ian and would like to come along to either the funeral and/or the wake please do. It would be great to see you.

Alcohol Hand Gel...

I had to go to see my doctor the other day. My shoulder has been playing up and want a referral to get it checked out. In the doctor's waiting room I was playing the "I wonder what's wrong with you" game in my head. Hope none of them were too infectious.

It also got me thinking. The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn't the hygiene, but that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly plan.

Queen's Diamond Jubilee River Flotilla and Concert...

Singer Jessie J performs on stage during the Diamond Jubilee concert at Buckingham Palace on June 4, 2012. For only the second time in its history the UK celebrates the Diamond Jubilee of a monarch. Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II celebrates the 60th anniversary of her ascension to the throne.  (Image credit: Getty Images via @daylife)

I hadn't really mentioned the Queen's Diamond Jubilee River Flotilla and Concert from last week. The river cruise was good to watch - although the BBC's coverage was rather inane at times. The concert at Buckingham Palace the next night was brilliant though. I had tears rolling down my cheeks with pride - especially when will.i.am and Jessie J sang I Gotta Feeling. Always gets me that song. The fireworks at the end were pretty special too.

I think I must have been worn down by all the pageantry - even I was feeling a tincy bit patriotic. I'm sure it'll pass.

Secret Cinema...

Last Thursday Stu and I went to the latest Secret Cinema event. We loved it. The event that is. Not so much the film.

[WARNING: MILD SPOILERS]

We'd been pondering what the film might be this time round - but at a party the previous weekend someone had let the cat out of the bag albeit confirming a widely circulated rumour. Unfortunately I'd seen that film the previous day and Stu wasn't keen to see it at all. Oh well.

There had in fact been lots of clues in the video clips, Twitter, Facebook and emails we had been sent in the run up to the event and various articles in newspapers had plainly stated the film title so we perhaps should have cottoned on earlier.

Anyway, we were instructed to wear navy blue boiler-suits as Matter Analysts, join the company Brave New Ventures and meet at the statue of the Engineer at Euston station at 6pm sharp. We were then lead up the road to a disused 190,000 sq ft NHS transport depot which had been repurposed into a space ship.

Once we had arrived we exchanged our cash for bright plastic tokens so we could buy beer and ventured into the frankly cavernous event space.

It took hours to explore all the rooms. There was a library, infirmary, laboratory, hydroponics, main computer room housing "Mother", navigation bridge, front and rear flight deck, cameras on helmets, workshop, maintenance floor, garage/loading bay with the real vehicles flown over from the real film set, numerous bars, Ping Tron (ultraviolet powered ping pong), hypersleep stations and booths, undercarriage, front and rear engines, surgical museum, restaurant, conduits, surface ramp, supplies area, crew quarters, escape pods, and plenty of signage. To say there was great attention to detail would be putting it mildly.

We were there for three hours in which time we took off, went into stasis, travelled through space, drank a few beers and finally had to be 'evacuated' due to a 'contamination'.

The evacuation meant we had to go down to the 'escape pods' i.e. cinema downstairs and be given our 'protection eyewear' i.e. 3D glasses before getting a brief safety briefing/motivational speech from none other than Ridley Scott himself.

I won't say too much about the film as I have done so twice before except to say that Stu wanted to leave before the end. Oh dear.

Johnnie and Jeremy's Party...

Last Monday - the first Queen's Diamond Jubilee Bank Holiday - Johnnie had his birthday party down at his and Jeremy's home in South Norwood. It was a sort of joint birthday / Jubille bash - we attended to help both the two old Queens celebrate at once. They have a lovely home, a great garden and everyone had a great time. There was much laughing and mucking about. We even raided the fridge in a frenzy.

Musings on Prometheus...

Having seen Prometheus twice now I think I'm more confused after the second watch. Plot holes (and SPOILERS) ahoy!

Mark Kermode was interviewing Ridley Scott on Mark Kermode film review on BBC Five Live and after the interview MK was musing about Prometheus being more 'Bladerunner' than 'Alien' as the film was more about robots and the nature of what it is to be human than it was about alien nasties running about.

Ridley Scott was saying that a proper Bladerunner prequel and sequel (I think) were both being written so I don't think we'll be seeing a crossover anytime soon. Does the team think Alien/Pometheus/​Bladerunner are all in the same universe?

Ridley also confirmed that the planet in Prometheus is NOT the same planet as in Alien. Same galaxy but different planet.

And this from my mate Chris (which I largely agree with):-

The caesarean scene was cool, though also completely over-the-top unrealistic (or rather, the scenes immediately following the caesarean).

The special effects were good, obviously, but I am never going to rate a movie highly based on its special effects. Saying that, the makeup used to make Guy Pierce look old was crap, and his attempt at trying to pretend to be an old man was equally crap. They could have CGI'd a better old geezer to play Peter Weyland.

The characters were either boring or unbelievable. The geologist with so many psychological problems that you wouldn't trust him with sweeping the streets let alone sending on an interstellar mission of possibly the greatest importance the human race has ever undertaken was particularly ludicrous. Charlize Theron's "Bitch Without A Cause" was a close second. The Ripley-a-Like was lame-as, interlaced with brief spurts of completely superhuman unbelievability (see aforementioned caesarean). Even David was just an "evil robot" - there was no real explanation given as to why he was acting like such an incredible cunt. You just had to presume that it was because he'd been programmed to, but the details of the motives behind this were completely opaque.

The behaviour of the characters in general was pretty random and unbelievable, with people who are supposed to be scientists completely flouting the most basic and obvious of safety procedures and otherwise just acting completely irrationally very obviously just to introduce the most contrived drama into the story.

The acting was mediocre at best, all from the Bog-Standard Action Movie School of Drama. Lots of "this is my angry voice!!!" stuff. Michael's mention of the self-sacrificial ramming scene at the end is a particularly good example of three actors who wouldn't know how to express their imminent death if someone put a gun to their heads. Even Fassbender's David wasn't particularly mind-blowing or anything - it was pretty standard "guy acting like a robot"; there wasn't anything particularly memorable about his performance.

The dialogue was uninspiring at best and downright corny at worst. Almost none of it sounded like real people talking to each other - it sounded completely like a script.

The actual storyline was disjointed and made little sense. There were multiple "plot points" (I use the term loosely) that were made to seem important but then later turned out to have almost no point or relevance at all (the previously mentioned 2,000 year-old Engineer head, for one; Doctor Holloway's poisoning for another; Peter Weyland's appearance and subsequent - and almost immediate - demise for a third). The "plot" seemed to advance mostly by the process of the characters jumping to irrational conclusions.

So the only parts we're left with that were any good are the special effects (Guy Pierce's makeup notwithstanding) and Doctor Holloway's face (and the face of the orderly who is looking after Peter Weyland... but he's only in it for about five minutes). And that's not enough to make even an average movie for me, I'm afraid.