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Crawling through technology, life and love Contact me: hotmail gmail home 
Listening: 
Playing: Donkey Kong Jet Racing - Wii iTuning: Podcasts - Russell Brand, Chris Moyles and Mark Kermode Reading: The End of Mr. Y - Scarlett Thomas Bits and Bobs: Wish List Gerry's Lyrics Pop Quiz Minipops Quiz Sites I like: Marc Almond Top 40 Singles News IMdb The Register Hacks Sainsbury's Recent GBlogs Arsenal FC Some blogs I enjoy: bboyblues2000 bitful blogadoon brainsluice chig groc minkered scally sparky troubled diva Books recently read: I Never Knew That About London - Christopher Winn The Arsenal Miscellany - Adam Gold Young Hearts Run Free: The Real Story of the 1970s - Dave Haslam Magical Thinking - Augusten Burroughs Veronika Decides To Die - Paulo Coelho Time Out Guide - Amsterdam Lillian's Story - Kate Grenville The God Delusion - Richard Dawkins Schott's Original Miscellany - Ben Schott Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - J K Rowling A Gay History Of Britain - Matt Cook Time Out Guide to Madrid Time Out Guide to New York Kingdom Come - J. G. Ballard The Hours - Michael Cunningham Mutants - Aramand Marie Leroi A Young Man's Passage - Julian Clary Growing Pains - Billie Piper The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath Wild Swans - Jung Chang Highbury: The Story of Arsenal N.5 - Jon Spurling Red Carpets and Other Banana Skins - Rupert Everett Affinity - Sarah Waters Lighthousekeeping - Jeanette Winterson Tipping The Velvet - Sarah Waters The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini Of Human Bondage - W Somerset Maugham Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier Lucky Man - Michael J Fox Labyrinth - Kate Mosse Fingersmith - Sarah Waters The Night Watch - Sarah Waters The Pedant's Revolt - Andrea Barham The Republic Of Trees - Sam Taylor Written On tbe Body - Jeanette Winterson Untold Stories - Alan Bennett The Plot Against America - Philip Roth Read All About It - Max Clifford The Folding Star - Alan Hollinghurst Thursbitch - Alan Garner Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim - David Sedaris Staying Alive - Matt Beaumont The Bookseller Of Kabul - Asne Seierstad Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince - J K Rowling A Short History Of Nearly Everything - Bill Bryson Count Karlstein - Philip Pullman The Shadow Of The Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood The Spell - Alan Hollinghurst The Double Life Of Daniel Glick - Maurice Caldera The Smoking Diaries - Simon Gray Straight- Boy George Digital Fortress - Dan Brown Deception Point - Dan Brown The Ladies No. 1 Detective Agency - Alexander McCall Smith Angels and Demons - Dan Brown Sydney - Time Out Guide Oryx and Crake - Margaret Atwood Eleanor Rigby - Douglas Coupland The Scarecrow and His Servant - Philip Pullman Tha Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown The Perks Of Being A Wallflower - Stephen Chbosky Planet Simpson - Chris Turner The Line Of Beauty - Alan Hollinghurst Barcelona - Time Out Guide The Closed Circle - Jonathan Coe The Clerkenwell Tales - Peter Ackroyd Copenhagen - TimeOut Guide The Butterfly Tattoo - Philip Pullman The Broken Bridge - Philip Pullman In Search of the Pleasure Palace - Marc Almond Brick Lane - Monica Ali Vernon God Little - DBC Pierre Last Exit To Brooklyn - Hubert Selby Jr You Shall Know Our Velocity - Dave Eggers Touching The Void - Joe Simpson Life Of Pi - Yann Martel Istanbul - Time Out Guide Millennium People - J G Ballard The Duchess Who Wouldn't Sit Down - Jesse Browner Hey Nostradamus! - Douglas Coupland Eats, Shoots and Leaves - Lynne Truss The Wind-up Bird Chronicle - Haruki Murakami Our Man In Havana - Graham Greene The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time - Mark Haddon Lyra's Oxford - Philip Pullman Doran - Will Self Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides the book, the film, the t-shirt - matt beaumont High Society - Ben Elton Man And Wife - Tony Parsons I Was A Rat - Philip Pullman Harry Potter: The Order of the Phoenix - J R Rowling Great Apes - Will Self Barrel Fever - David Sedaris Round Ireland With A Fridge - Tony Hawkes Close Range - Annie Proux The Third Way - Anthony Giddens dot.con - John Cassidy The Salmon of Doubt - Douglas Adams One Hit Wonderland - Tony Hawkes The Thief Lord - Cornelia Funke The Corrections - Jonathan Franzen The Cloud Sketcher - Richard Rayner Keane: the Autobiography - Roy Keane A Wasteland of Strangers - Bill Pronzini The English - Jeremy Paxman How to Lose Friends and Alienate People - Toby Young Dead Famous - Ben Elton The Amber Spyglass - Phillip Pullman (again) The Subtle Knife - Phillip Pullman (again) Northern Lights - Phillip Pullman (again) The Bear and The Dragon - Tom Clancy 101 Reykjavik - Hallgrimur Helgason Forward The Foundation - Isaac Asimov Carter Beats The Devil - Glen David Gold The Tin Princess - Philip Pullman Atonement - Ian McEwan The Tiger In The Well - Philip Pullman The Rotters Club - Jonathan Coe Generation X - Douglas Copeland Perfume - Patrick Suskind All Families Are Psychotic - Douglas Coupland The Shadow In The North - Phillip Pullman No Logon - Naomi Klein The Dirt - Motley Crue Miss Wyoming - Douglas Coupland The Amber Spyglass - Phillip Pullman The Subtle Knife - Phillip Pullman Northern Lights - Phillip Pullman The Ruby in the Smoke - Phillip Pullman The Sandman - Miles Gibson Blood and Gold: The Vampire Marius - Anne Rice The Actrocity Exhibition - J G Ballard Shameless - Paul Burston Sing Out! - Boze Hadleigh Brilliant Orange - David Winner New Boy - William Sutcliffe London - Peter Ackroyd Wonder Boys - Michael Chabon One For My Baby - Tony Parsons How To Be Good - Nick Hornby White Teeth - Zadie Smith Lust - Geoff Ryman Tulip Fever - Deborah Moggach Dead Souls - Ian Rankin The House Of Sleep - Jonathan Coe A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius - Dave Eggers What a carve up! - Jonathan Coe The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay - Michael Chabon The Grapes Of Wrath - John Steinbeck Heartwood - James Lee Burke Cryptonomicon - Neal Stephenson Man and Boy - Tony Parsons The Map Of Love - Ahdaf Soueif e - Matt Beaumont The e Before Christmas - Matt Beaumont  
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Friday, June 29, 2001
Bang goes another kanga on the bonnet of the van...
Reading the Guardian today I saw an article about Midge Ure. Nothing speacial about that. He has a new album to pormote called Move Me. No, what was surprising was to see him holding up my favourite Kate Bush LP 'The Dreaming'. It bought back lots of memories. Here's the cover and the vinyl track listing to jog yours. 
Tracks: Side 1: Sat In Your Lap (3:29) / There Goes A Tenner (3:24) / Pull Out The Pin (5:26) / Suspended In Gaffa (3:54) / Leave It Open (3:20) Side 2: The Dreaming (4:41) / Night Of The Swallow (5:22) / All The Love (4:20) / Houdini (3:48) / Get Out Of My House (5:25)
Snoopy...
Hi Energy, your love is lifting me...
(shuffles to feet, coughs, hesitates) "My name is Jonathan, I am here of my own free will. And I'd just like to say I love Hi-NRG music". There. I've said it. At last I've come out to the world at large as a fan of the original, the biggest and the best gay disco music ever (volume 1). My obsession started in the mid-seventies when disco first hit the UK big time. I'd love going to school discos, parties or Saturday night socials and just dance, dance, dance. It was quite liberating to be able to dance by myself as I'd always thought you had to find a partner (i.e. girl) to dance with. Now I realised I could dance alone and go crazy without being thought of as an idiot. Soon I got used to what music was cool and hip and groovy and started asking the guy who called himself 'Disco Jockey' what the titles were. Then the collecting started. I'd be down in Our Price every weekend buying up Donna Summer, Munich Machine, Voyage, Village People, Sylvester, Chic, Carol Jiani, Cerrone, Evelyn "Champagne" King, Edwin Starr, Earth Wind and Fire, Giorgio Moroder etc. Mainly 12" vinyl. By 1980 I had over one thousand disco singles. It filled up all my cupboards both at home and at college. Here is top 500 list of some of the classics. I have many of them. Late seventies and early eighties saw the arrival of Punk Rock and the New Romantics, Gradually disco started to go out of style. By 1984 the only people keeping the disco flame alive were the gay clubs like Heaven on a Saturday night which played a simple uplifting form of disco called High Energy. The songs were often written by gay men and sung by black women. Telling stories of broken hearts, long suffering relationships, revenge fantasy, overt sexuality or simply big, butch men. Long standing producers like Ian Levine with artists like Evelyn Thomas held that disco torch aloft with this high powered, high charged thumping music. Despite this low profile songs like 'Masquerade' and 'High Energy' were making some impressions on the charts as were Man 2 Man's 'Male Stripper', Sinetta "So Macho", Eria Fachin's 'Savin' Myself' and Carol Jiani's 'Hit 'N' Run Lover'. As the late eighties approached interest in disco was reawakened. Drugs were becoming more freely available and disco was due for a make-over. Chicago House appeared as if overnight, followed by Acid House, and then Techno. As they all arrived within a few years of each other it was seen as a cultural change. And as such needed a new name. What was once just called Disco was now to be rechristened as Dance. Dance music, dance culture, dance clubs. For over ten years this form of music has dominated the club scene and achieved much chart success. With all the various forms of dance music now around there is room for all it seems. Indeed High Energy is still alive and well and residing as remixes on many chart hits. Almighty Records are foremost in this field as they pump out remixes for many top artists including Geri Halliwell, Dina Caroll and Gabrielle, Ronan Keating and Samantha Mumba. I get regular mailings from Almighty Records of their new releases. Some would call it sacrilege but I love their remixes of current 'indie' tunes. Jackie 'O''s cover of Travis' 'Sing' is my latest must-have. Other artists on their books are Natalie Brown, Obsession, and Abbacadabra. All top acts. Gay music lives on. Thursday, June 28, 2001
Noctural noises...
I don't know how to tell you this, David. You know we have ten days or more importantly ten nights sleeping in the same bed together in the States next month? Well... let me put it this way. Mark knows how you feel. Apparently the answer is to turn me on my front and hit me repeatly with a baseball bat. It won't stop me snoring but you'll certainly feel a hell of a lot better.
Marry me...
Lesbians and gay men in London are to benefit from a new scheme allowing them the same pension, taxation and inheritance rights as heterosexual couples. The London Partnership Register, to be launched in September, aims to pave the way towards giving same sex couples equal legal rights as married couples. The registrations will be in the Greater London Authority visitor's centre on either a Wednesday or a Saturday. You can invite 25 guests and have a ceremony too. Bless! Full story here.
Dinner and a drama...
It was our flatmate Mikey's birthday yesterday so we took him out for dinner to La Petite Auberge in Upper Street. Lovely french food, good wine and great conversation. All three of us got a bit pie-eyed. We went on to the Eddie for a few jars and to meet up with some of Mikey's friends. Evening ended with a bit of a drama but then that's queens for you. When we finally staggered home we watched Big Brother on E4 to the wee small hours. The three girls were all naked in a foam bath, drinking wine and being pampered by Josh and Brian as part of Elizabeth's birthday present. Very funny. Wednesday, June 27, 2001
My first attempt at a photo library...
After some advice (thanks Ian) I've decided to use a piece of software called ThumbsPlus to produce my first foray into getting my pictures on the web. ThumbsPlus is nice in that it takes groups of pictures and does simple batch work on them such as making thumbnails, creating web pages etc. See and marvel at my first attempt Madrid June 2001 and my second attempt Pop Quiz June 2001. Comments welcome.
A picture is worth a thousand words...
I've taken quite a lot of pictures in the last week. Some of which I want to put on my site. I want to be bandwidth friendly to modem users but still allow those people with broadband or buckets of patience to see the images in their full glory. My basic idea is to have an image library. A front page with links to the sets of photos. Click on any link to see that set of photos as thumbnails. Click on any thumbnail and see a larger version of that picture. Questions 1. Is this too complicated? Or should I just go with Plan B - have two pages for each set of photos, one for thumbnails and one for full images? 2. Is it easy for a non-HTML literate person to attempt my original idea? 3. How best to store the images (in their two sizes). As jpg? gif? something else? 4. What's a reasonable size for a thumbnail 10k? a full image 100k? There may be up to 30-35 pictures on a page. Any advice would be gratefully received. Tuesday, June 26, 2001
Initially...
Mattee and I were talking about initials the other day. He's just got some new ones to put after his name. I tend to keep mine well hidden. It put me in mind of my parents. Why? Because even in my late thirties I've never heard them swear. I've seen them get hot under the collar sure, be put in situations where a simple expletive would fit the bill perfectly but they've held their tongues. It's quite some record to not swear over such a long period. I myself have a blue mouth that casually Fs and Cs without much thought. The only time my parents have ever come close to swearing is to use two initials. It is two initials that for them is the ultimate insult, when all reason deserts them and they can't express themselves any other way. And what are those two initials? BF. Any idea what they mean?
Is there a doctor in the house?...
I think I'm about to get a summer cold. I've got a slightly sore throat. I'm having the odd hot flush. Ocassional sneezing. Anyone got any instant home cures / advice? Monday, June 25, 2001
Astronet Live: Utah Saints / The Orb / Soft Cell...
The thing kicked off at 10pm so we though we’d get there a bit before. The location was quite some way out of Madrid (Plaza de Toros, Cubierta de Leganes) too so Paul and I decided to splash out on a cab – the way you do. As luck would have it, as we pulled up we bumped into Bryn, Larissa, Dave, (veterans of Gloria Hunniford’s show last week) and Dave’s squeeze, Thierry and a Spanish guy called Francisco. So the seven of us sat in a bar and gossiped and swapped Marc and Soft cell stories while we waited for the concert to start. The buzz was good and we all got very excited. Lots of people had dressed up for the event and bizarrely a man on very tall stilts gave me a balloon shaped like a frying pan. Go figure. The event itself was staged in a bullring that gave more than a passing resemblance to the alien mother ship at the end of Close Encounters. It was a high-sided pudding bowl of concrete topped with a metallic retractable roof. Half the roof was open so you could see the stars. Cool venue. When we first went in we were attacked by a wall of sound and light, which was quite disorientating. Gigantic towers of speakers littered the place and huge arrays of powerful, flashing lights were strung above, to the left and to the right of the main stage. We felt like Christians thrown to the lions. Except there was no one there to watch. The circular 10,000 seater was all but empty. In total we reckoned there were no more than 1,000 people. Shame really. But it meant we got really close to the stage. First on were the Utah Saints. They were loud but uninspiring. We stayed in the bar most of the time and listened only when we went to the loo. Which was twice. Yeah, yeah Kate Bush sample. Yeah, yeah, Eurythmics sample. Next! And next, at midnight, it was The Orb. There was no formal announcement so it was hard to tell when they actually started playing. To their credit they had impressive visuals (a giant white orb and dazzling back projection). But occasionally there was no one was on stage at all, which made you wonder who or what you were there to see. It was an over long set too. They stretched out their uninspiring brand of ambient / techno landscape to nearly two hours. By the end of it we were shouting, "Play that f**king little fluffy clouds song and get off!" They actually finished with a porno version of "These Are A few Of My Favourite Things" which as quite funny so they were partly forgiven. Finally at well past 2am Soft Cell came on to huge cheers and stamping of feet. Marc was wearing a black leather jacket, black sequined top, and a single black leather glove. Very Depeche Mode, very Michael Jackson. It was more or less a re-run of the Ocean gig but with no backing video screens. Same dance moves, same level and tempo in the performance (Marc - lots, Dave – none), same audience singing/Marc singing during the ‘hits’. Some of the people near us were going wild though. Throwing themselves about like it was a heavy metal concert. Bless. The running order was little different this time. Memorabilia (Marc ‘raps’ rather than sings quite a lot on this – more than at Ocean?) Monoculture (went down OK, Marc needs a new dance though) Torch (moved to be earlier in the set, and wise move too. Gives a bit of crowd participation early on) Divided Soul (this was very popular. Fast becoming my favourite new track) Best Way To Kill (same deal with Marc pretending (?) to play guitar) The Art Of Falling Apart (Marc took his jacket off, to much cheering) Somebody Somewhere Sometime (a Spaniard asked me to translate the lyrics… er… er…) Bedsitter (everyone sang along. Even when they didn’t understand the words!) Tainted Love / Where Did Our Love Go? (handclapping, air punching, crowd pleaser) Say Hello Wave Goodbye (sway, everybody sway) Martin (cue pogoing, and wild dancing by entire crowd) Sex Dwarf (scream if you wanna hear more! We did. They didn’t) Total they were on stage for an hour and fifteen minutes. So at half past three we had the fun of trying to get back to civilisation. Taxi! I took loads of pictures. Don’t know if any will come out. I’ll post any good ones.
The weekend...
Back in London safe and sound. Having a busy day at work so will post later about Madrid and also about the Soft Cell concert. Both were hot, hot, hot! Friday, June 22, 2001
I´m in Madrid!...
Paul and I are sitting in a Madrid internet cafe in the gayest part of any city I have ever been in. There are rainbow flags on every corner and all the way down the centre of the street. There are gay shops, gay bars, gays men, gay women, gay cats and gay dogs. But what makes it so OK. So natural. It that they are all Spanish. It´s somehow OK to be so gay and Spanish. They carry it off so well. With such aplomb. The slight downside is that it´s 44 degrees. Too sodding hot! Thursday, June 21, 2001
Warped competition time...
From tomorrow I'm off to Madrid for three days on holiday. Going to see Soft Cell, Utah Saints and the Orb while I'm there. To keep you happy folks busy while I'm away I thought I'd set a competition. Below is a picture of me. Hideous I know! But it could be so much worse. How? Well use your mouse to drag and drop parts of the picture to distort and warp me. Capture the results and send them to me (let me know if you need help with doing this). If I like what you've done you could win a prize and go in the soon to be setup Hall of Fame! Enjoy.
Why oh why...
Last month when I went abroad, Madonna tickets went on sale the next day. Fuck. Looks like it's happening again. Double Fuck.
GameBoy Advance...
The Gameboy Advance is out on Friday. I have one ordered. Can't wait. I like computer games. Let me rephrase that. I LIVE computer games. I got hooked when I saved up my Green Shield stamps and bought a home enertainment system. It plugged into the back of the TV and allowed you to play tennis, squash or football - in colour. Actually as this was in 1977 they weren't really sport simulators, more like rather simplistic versions based on pong with different sized bats. Soon after that I bought a Spectrum. You needed a tape recorder to load and save the games I had great fun programming basic scripts to produce flashing lights on the TV screen. They games were superlative. Games like Manic Miner, Jet Set Willy, The Hobbit, Ant Attack kept me entertained for hours. I've been reliving these fun times in recent months with various Spectrum emulators. When the dedicated consols started coming out I was hooked. Ever new one that comes out I buy it. I own hundreds of games. Until recently had a weekly video games night (Wednesdays). Regularly have video games afternoons and occasional all night sessions. I am the proud owner of... 2 x GameBoy - original grey plastic 1 x GameBoy - clear plastic 1 x GameBoy Pocket - silver 1 x Color GameBoy 1 x Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) 1 x Super Nintendo Entertainment System (SNES) 1 x Nintendo N64 1 x Lynix 1 x Sega Gamegear 1 x Sega Master System 1 x Sega Megadrive (aka Genesis) inc the 32-bit overdrive add-on 1 x Sega Saturn 1 x Sega Dreamcast 1 x Sony PlayStation 1 x Sony PlayStation2 Needless to say I'm already saving my pennies for the NintendoCube and Microsoft X-box.
Shrek...
Last night we watched Shrek. At home. Great film. Very funny. Tonight we're going to watch Josie And The Pussycats. How can we do that you may ask? They're not even out in the cinemas here yet. Did we get a pirate copies? No. I just bought them from Malaysia... Before DVD was available Sony came up with a format for putting films on discs called VideoCD. It uses MPEG-1 (i.e. not the same quality as DVD which uses MPEG-2 but about the same quality as your VCR). Nearly all UK sold DVD players will work with VideoCD. In the Far East, in particular Malaysia, cinemas are not very popular. Films go straight to VideoCD and poeple watch them in their homes. You can buy these films (always in English but often with subtitles) for knock-down prices over the Internet. The self same site also sells cut prices DVDs (full versions, full features). Well, cut price for the UK anyway! Last week I ordered ten films and got two free (for every five films you order you get one free). They all turned up yesterday. Delivery is free! VideoCDs (all @ $6.99) Shrek The Mummy Returns Josie And The Pussycats Hannibal Almost Famous Spy Kids Meet The Parents All About My Mother DVDs (all @ $12.99) Billy Elliot Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon Dungeons & Dragons The Emperor's New Groove Now tell me that DVDs aren't too expensive in the UK! Wednesday, June 20, 2001
God Shaped Hole...
I was walking to the tube this morning. I noticed something odd in the street. Where there used to be a church is now a big hole in the ground. That was quick. Has someone stolen it? Is it being broken up for spare church parts in some lock-up in the Holloway Road? Maybe it just got up and walked off. Maybe it's gone on holiday. Sunning itself with other churches on a beach in Spain. Maybe it's just popped out. To buy a newspaper. Or some fags. Maybe it's round visiting friends. Do churches have friends? It'd better to careful. Someone may nick it's space.
Jump The Shark...
Today's Guardian has a great article about a site detailing the precise point at which TV shows go bad. The Jump The Shark site is a lot of fun and brings back painful memories of when I stopped watching Scooby Doo (when Scrappy Doo joined), Dallas (the whole dream thing), Dynasty (the Moldavian massacre) and Rossane (when she won the lottery) to name but four. Go there, find your favourite and gloat at what went wrong.
About last night…
We won last night’s big money Pop Quiz. One hundred and twenty squids! The triumphant team of Dave “Uncle Hedgehog” Boyes, David “I Know Too Much About Easy Listening And I Don’t Know Why” Sim, Ian “I May Only Get One Answer Right Each Week But You’d Have Lost If I Wasn’t Here” Martin and Jonathan “Can’t Spell But Always Seems To Pull An Answer Out Of Somewhere” Green. Being Dave’s last quiz night (off to Oz next week), Wendy had done us proud. She reserved a table for us, provided streamers, poppers (no, not those kind of poppers) and a helium balloon (which is probably still floating somewhere in Charing Cross Station). Before the quiz had even started we were taking pictures (more of that later), ripping by streamers, chucking them about and generally making a nuisance of ourselves. We were there to enjoy ourselves – the quiz was a bonus. We didn’t expect to win. Big money quizzes always attract the best teams and even a few ‘ringers’ who never appear at any other time. The first two questions were from a video clip of Fox performing ‘S-S-S-Single Bed’ on TOTP2. We got the band and the year. Next round was three eighties’ B-sides – we had to guess the band and the A-side. I plucked The Creatures and ‘Right Now’ from thin air, we narrowly missed getting Joan Jett and her Blackhearts ‘I Love Rock And Roll’ (we put Transvision Vamp / ’I Don’t Care’) and we thought Bow Wow Wow’s A-side was ‘Go Wild In The Country’ (it was ‘I Want Candy’). Then there was picture round of L’il Kim, Pink, Mya and Christina Agquerla. Then we had a round of Mark and Lard’s Shirehorses’ covers. The Manics, Radiohead, Travis, Coldplay, Oasis and Blur. The best was Travis’s ‘Why Is It Always Dairy-Lea?’ The lyrics round was the Pet Shop Boys’ ‘It’s A Sin’. See how you do. Can you get the next nine words following on from, “Everything I’ve ever done, Everything I ever do…” ? Liza Minnelli belted out ‘Ring Them Bells’ for which we needed to ascertain her address (29E, 5 Riverside Drive, Manhattan, New York), the money she borrowed (a grand) and four places she went to (Brussels, Majorca, Rome, Dubrovnik, Madrid). So we were doing quite well up until that point. We’d only dropped one and a half points. Then it all went a bit Pete Tong. We dropped three points in a row. We couldn’t remember three Latin snatches i.e. Latino sounding records. They were some rap act, Shaft and the Mighty Dubcats. Inspiration then returned to us in the following hippy round – we recognised Santana, Melanie and Jimi Hendrix. The final question we got from the three tracks played from Daft Punk’s Discovery. The result: fifteen and a half points. We didn’t think we had won. The countdown was painful. As it turned out it was a tie-break situation so naturally we pushed Dave forward. Rockwell’s ‘Somebody’s Watching Me’ presented him with no problems. The money was ours. Hurray! Tuesday, June 19, 2001
Damn those Frenchies!...
The French crack is a fake. Spent the day un/re-installing. Monday, June 18, 2001
What should I do when I come to America?...
From 20th - 30th July David and I shall be in the Boston and New York. Are there any 'must-see' things around that time? You know the sort of thing; good bars, clubs, shows, shops, museums, concerts, cruising grounds, saunas, friends-who-like-having-sex-with-Englishmen etc. For example, many films come out in the States before they do in the UK. So one number one on my list is... 1. AI. It sounds good. Hype swallowed. 2. ? 3. ? Help me flesh out the list. Let me know what I gotta see.
Who wants to be a billionaire....
Ha! Beaten you. If you put in +and you get 1,190,000,000 results. Beat that! Saturday, June 16, 2001
Touched for the very first time...
How much do you want to see Madonna is concert? Would you fly to Germany and have sex with a reporter? "Twelve male readers had sent in applications, which included nude photographs, to have sex with a woman columnist named Shelley Masters. Six female readers had sent in applications to have sex with one of three men on the publication's staff and four gay readers had sent in bids to have sex with a gay staff member." Thanks to Bob for the link.
The Simpsons on DVD...
Yippey! Fox are (after a few false starts) going to release all the Simpsons episodes on DVD. Out in the States first and then in the UK. The first Season, (with all 13 episodes), is coming out on 25th September (the day before my birthday - hint, hint), as a 3-disc boxed-set. OK, we're all seen them a zillion times but they still make me laugh and it'll be fun to see them all again from scratch. Extras include:- - scripts for every episode - full audio commentaries for every episode - cast and crew interviews - several documentaries - behind-the-scenes of the series material - how the Simpsons came to be! - plus, every single one of the original Tracy Ullman Show "Simpsons" shorts. (Approximately 40 x 5 minute shorts!) Is this gonna be a DVD set to die for, or is it gonna be a DVD set to die for? Friday, June 15, 2001
1983 is now 18 years old...
Mattee asked on his web site what myself, Ian or David were doing eighteen years ago as he happened to be in London at that time. David it appears was peering into gay bars. Funnily enough so was I. Well I was twenty-one at the time. Still at university. Going through a very painful breakup with my first (male) romantic interest. After a year of sleeping together he decided he was straight (the bastard). As we were sharing a room it became very awkward. I escaped by visiting London whenever I could. I looked up in Gay Times where the gay bars were. The nearest to Kings Cross was the Bell and the Euston Tavern. Both fantasic places. First time I walked into the Bell was to see a sea of poofs and dykes dancing to the Human League - I knew I was 'home'.
11. I'm a happy homosexual - TRUE
When we were in Vienna last month Mark's brother asked me if I was happy. It got me thinking. Honestly I am the happiest I've ever been. I love my life; my boyfriend, being gay, my job, my family, my relationships. Not that I think I'm perfect by a long chalk. If I had a magic wand there are things I'd think about changing. But very early on I came to terms with the fact that I wouldn't be rich, I'm not fanastically good looking, I'm not brilliantly witty and there will always be other people who are more popular than me. But I'm happy with who I am. My parents did a good job on me - they made me a happy homosexual (ask them nicely and they'll make you one too! - boom, boom). Are you happy?
A dull throb in my head (fnah, fnah)...
My teeth hurt - can teeth hurt? Thanks for reminding me why, David. The show we watched being recorded last night is being screened today at 2:20pm on Channel 5. I'm going to watch it in our conference room at work on the big screen. I want to relish the moment when we (that's the Royal 'we') started whooping, hollering, screeching and shouting like a demented Banshee just so I could hear myself on TV. I know, I'm sad!
When good neighbours become good friends...
A couple of weeks ago I was sitting on the grassy knoll behind the Royal Vauxhall Tavern soaking up the sun. A man leaned over and said, "I think you're my neighbour." Sure enough it turns out we live next door but one to each other. Since then we have bumped into each other everywhere; in clubs, bars, on tube journeys and in the street. We haven't quite worked out who is stalking who yet. Hello Richard! Thursday, June 14, 2001
Excuse me. I think your end of the gene pool could use a little chlorine...
For no particular reason here are some anti-men jokes for any anti-men people out there. Compiled over three years. Thanks to Sarah for her invaluable input. Q. What's the fastest way to a man's heart? A. Through his chest with a sharp knife. Q. What have men and floor tiles got in common? A. If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life. Q. How can you tell if a man is happy? A. Who cares? Q: What do you call a mushroom with a 12 inch stem? A: A fungi to be with Q. What is the difference between a man and a catfish? A. One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish. Q. Did you hear about the banker who's a great lover? A. He knows first-hand the penalty for early withdrawal. Q. Why do men name their penises? A. Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the person who makes all their decisions. Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking? A. Because those men already have boyfriends. Q. Why do men like masturbation? A. Its sex with someone they love. Q. What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? A. Porcupines have pricks on the outside. Q. What is a man's view of safe sex? A. A padded headboard. Q. How do men sort their laundry? A. "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable". Q. Why do men love computers? A. No matter what mood they're in, they can still get a floppy in. Q. What's the difference between a clitoris and a pub? A. 9 out of 10 men can find a pub. Q. How do you save a man from drowning? A. Take your foot off his head. Q. What do men and beer bottles have in common? A. They're both empty from the neck up. Q. How many men does it take to change a toilet roll? A. Who knows, it's never happened Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating? A. To stop the snoring before it starts. Q. Why do bachelors like smart women? A. Opposites attract. Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A. Breasts don't have eyes. Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. One. Men will screw anything. Q. What's a man's idea of foreplay? A. Half an hour of begging. Q. What do a clitoris, an anniversary and a toilet have in common? A. Men usually miss them. Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead? A: The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up. Q: How can you tell if your husband is dead? A: The sex is the same, but you get the remote. Q What is another term for lesbian? A: Vagitarian Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love? A: The swallow Q: What's a blonde's favourite nursery rhyme? A: Humpme Dumpme Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? A: 45 lbs. Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes
Eat out for cheap...
I got a card thrust into my hand by a guy dressed as a chef when leaving the tube station this morning. Eat in your favourite restaurant for less than £10 for 2 courses. Seems like a good idea and they seem to have some great bargains. It's nationwide too. I guess it means eating straight after work in most cases but that suits me just fine.
Keep your nails short, very short...
No, not a reference to fisting. Something much worse. Scientists have developed a new drugs test using nail clippings which could tell if people have 'abused' substances up to a year beforehand. Two teams of scientists, from Glasgow University and South Bank University in London, say nail clippings hold the key to testing for drug use. Finger nails can show if someone has used any drug, including cannabis, up to six months beforehand. Scientists grind down the nail into dust particles which are then tested for drugs present in the clippings. Many American companies are increasing declaring themselves 'clean'. That means everyone in their company has had to pass an annual drugs and alcohol test. The company gets the 'clean' status if a certain percentage pass the test, they must also have a certain (low) ratio of non-smokers to non-smokers and run fitness programs for employees. Increasingly Federal Agencies and US Government Departments are only doing business with companies you can certify themselves 'clean'. Scary stuff. This may spread to the UK. I don't like the sound of this one little bit. In unrelated news: I cut my toe nails and finger nails this morning and I drank a pint of milk on the way to work to help them grow faster. Wednesday, June 13, 2001
10. I've sung professionally on stage - TRUE...
I was in every school play and Old Time Music Hall that our school put on. Singing, dancing and acting. I wasn't particularly good at any of those but I enjoyed it so that's all that counts in my book. After school I did lots of 'am dram'. I was the lead in various productions (straight drama and musical) for the North Herts Youth Theatre and the Cambridge University Light Entertainment Society (CULES). We murdered all the classics; Shakespeare, Coward, Orton. We performed in schools, old peoples homes, borstals and prisons. Anywhere that would have us. I pity those poor buggers. We even did sketch shows and variety. What possessed us? Someone must have been watching as finally I was asked to perform professionally at the Gordon Craig Theatre in Stevenage. I played the part of Wang, The Water Seller in Bertolt Brecht's The Good Person Of Sichuan. Being Brecht naturally I had to sing as well as act. I lost my nerve. I sang badly. I was crap. I hated it. I've not performed since. High fiddly-dee, (not) an actors life for me.
The Invisible Band...
I was never really a big Travis fan. Sure, I liked their singles - especially 'Tied to the 90s', 'Turn' and 'Why Does It Always Rain on Me?'. Marky bought their new album this week and I've been listening to it at work ever since. It's really grown on me. Here's my track by track musings. The single 'Sing' is a good way to start any album with it's up tempo radio friendly tune and lyrics. But this start is soon replaced with a more contemplative mood on track two - 'Dear Diary'. It wouldn't be out of place on an early Radiohead album - slow and wailing vocals with an introspective tone to the words. Back in familiar territory with the next track is 'Side'. This is quintessential Travis - simple, catchy and melodic. It will please fans and is an obvious candidate for a second single. Next is 'Pipe Dreams' - a rather retro ditty that reminds me of the neo-folk movement in the 70s. A clean song with an oft repeated chorus. Ideal campfire fodder? The strongest track on the album is 'Flowers In The Window'. A real grower (no pun intended) it gets under your skin like Lennon/McCartney at their best. How can a song fail to impress when it has seagulls in it's soundscape? Perhaps another choice for a single. Back to the more sedate Travis follows with 'The Cage'. A love song from the heart. Minimal production and clever mixing, makes it sounds like a tuneful music box song. 'Safe' is a wonderful song in the vain of Supertramp. The heartfelt vocals and wonderful rift carry you along. You can't help but love it. The next track is 'Follow The Light'. I think this could be dubbed 'Tied to The 90s - the 2001 mix'. Same style... same mood... same song! Following on is 'Last Train'. More navel gazing lyrics ("I'm gonna buy a gun and I'm gonna shoot everyone. Then I'm gonna come looking for you...") as the band goes round and around on that music box again. Next is 'Afterglow'. It's a bit of an album filler and it drags a bit. Over produced too. 'Indefinitely' is in a similar vain to 'Dear Diary' - slow, moody and haunting. Well written and well played. Good for a bit of late night listening. The last track is 'The Humpty Dumpty Song'. Almost invisible lyrics, lots of plinkity, plinkity plink noises, a full orchestra in there somewhere, the odd power chord and lots of random guitar strumming. But it goes to produce that unique Travis sound. A fitting end to a good, but not great, album. 7/10 (i.e. borrow rather than buy). Why not write an album review yourself? It's always fun to read others. Send it to me.
Last Night...
It was so much fun last night. David, Ian and I met in Bar Code for a swifty and to check out the boys. Then a we moved on to the UK blogmeet in Wardour Street. It was interesting and I'd have liked to have stayed longer. Davo was looking sweet. I want to call him Dav-o (short 'a' like in Davros) but Ian corrects me to Dave-o (long 'a') - which is it? Being social butterflies we then fluttered on to the weekly Pop Quiz at the Retro Bar. We didn't do very well but we all had a great time. Singing, dancing, laughing, loving... Next week we're going to The Black Cap afterwards to celebrate our win (for we WILL win next week!) and to see Regina Fong. Any of you remember agreeing to that at the end of the night or were you all too stewed!
This thing is gonna be big...
Dear Walt Oh dear. I think we might have started something here. I'm getting e-mails from people wanting to know where your great crotch is :) Example e-mail: "so, reading your blog, and about 16 linked blogs, I have still not actually seen this great crotch! what gives? bj" News of your crotch is whizzing it's way around the ether. Maybe your crotch could set up it's own blog. Riding the wave of popularity I see your crotch moving into the main stream. I see merchandising; T-shirts, calendars, underwear, baseball caps. Your crotch will be on ever billboard in every town in America. Your crotch is gonna need an agent. I see TV appearances, film roles. Your crotch is gonna be big. Your crotch is gonna be very big. Jonathan Letter reproduced by kind permission (of me) Tuesday, June 12, 2001
Annual Performance Appraisal Review...
It's that time of year again. We get a review by our boss - this is then linked to any pay rise. I'd had a few run-ins with people much higher up the company than me this year so I wasn't expecting a particularly glowing review. Imagine my (very pleasant surprise) when I read, "Jonathan is an outstanding computer professional whose knowledge is invaluable." Need they say more? Yes, indeed they do. Read my appraisal in full. I am well chuffed. :))) Anybody wanna offer me a better paid job?
Crotch watching...
The below metioned Walt sent me a nice e-mail just now so I thought I'd add him to my sidebar via my template. Well he has got a crotch that should be looked at apparently :) But the blogger templates are all fucked up so I'm not going to risk it just yet. Instead this will have to serve as a temporary entry. God, blogger are crap at the moment.
Redirection (again)...
Technical note: a while ago Blogger ate my blog. Well actually it ate a large chunk of my old site on Blogspot. That meant it ate the rediection code that I'd put there. For some reason I'd not been able to replace it due to some weird 550 ftp errors (I wasn't the only one to get these errors). Blogger fixed these problems quite recently so the redirection is now in place again. Hurrah. |
